hi all,im new to this forum and about half way through my AC/taxol chemo ‘journey’. I’m a stage 3 triple positive, on the menu is chemo, mastectomy, radiation, hercepton and likely neratinib (when I get sick of constipation and want to change it up a little). I have an oncologist and whilst she is nice, I just don’t feel like I click with her. I feel like I’m being provided a service and I seldom leave her appointments uplifted. She’s pretty black and white and straight down the line. Trying to make her laugh with my satirical humour is almost impossible. I’ve been trying to crack her now for a good 12 weeks. No joy. However my surgeon and my new radio oncologist when I meet them, I feel happy afterward.A friend says I’m mad to stick with her and should find a new oncologist. So I’m just wondering has anyone had any experience with finding a new oncologist and the reasons that they did so? And also, how they did it?i feel like if I leave I should be kind and find a way to explain ‘it’s not you it me, we just don’t click’. Because she’s not crap, she’s just maybe not someone I’d have a wine with.Thanks!

Please don't think this is a flippant comment because it's not intended that way. But @kmakm post reminds me of something Prof Noel Fitzpatrick the Supervet says. "The patients need to know how much you care before they care about how much you know." I didn't like the oncologist assigned to me through the public system. I requested a new one through the breast care nurse but didn't like the 2nd one either. I found my own through private. @Saram don't feel bad if want to change. It's absolutely your right.

@Blondy I was talking about my experience with the public system and seeing many different oncologists, but so pleased that is not everyones experience. :) Day oncology and the nurses are wonderful, but it leaves me a bit dissatisfied with having to just see whichever oncologist for the day. So lucky you had a different experience, as we don't usually get to chose in the public system, nor do we get to chose the surgeon, but thankfully my surgeon was wonderful, I couldn't have picked a better surgeon if I had been paying privately. Some have been disappointed with their private hospital experience, so I guess it works both ways.

Hi @Keeping_positive1 I'm in the public system and chose my surgeon (who also has private patients) and I have had the same oncologist the whole time. My surgery was two days later than it could have been if I was private. I feel well cared for and happy that I'm not paying extra for the same excellent treatment. I'm sorry to hear you have had a different experience and different doctors but great you got a wonderful surgeon!

Hi @Saram Oncologists are just like any other service provider. They don't see themselves as being in the same league as the butcher, baker and candlestick maker, but the reality is the only reason you would stay with one you don't like is lack of other options. If you want to see someone else, see someone else and don't feel you need to apologize.I've sacked three over the years and have finally found my happy place (if there is such a thing when someone wants to take you to the point of death) with an onc who genuinely seems to regard me as a complex human rather than a reluctant contributor to their next holiday or Chanel suit. And he laughs at my black humour. It's a long term relationship, we hope, so it's worth getting it right. Mxx

Thanks ladies, all very good food for thought. I’m based in South sydney.

Breaking up with your oncologist | BCNA Online Network

24 Replies

arpie
Member
6 years ago
Hi @Saram - welcome to the forum! Feel free to put up any question re anything! I am sure someone will have an answer or suggestion for you!

Where abouts are you (State/town) as someone may be able to suggest another Onc near to you.

I had the same situation with my original Onc as well - I just didn't 'gel' with him either and actually found him to be very dismissive of my concerns re the side effects of the AI tablets that I am on. He just didn't believe me! I actually saw him rolling his eyes the last time we met, with me once again, mentioning the nasty side effects and how to mitigate them! So I have changed to a lovely lady Onc who is terrific (tho she is currently pregnant, so will be out of the picture soon for some months.) Funny that - my GP has just given birth as well, so looks like it is catchy!

I hope you are able to find someone you get along with - I think it is really important to be 'confident & happy' with your medical team, as we'll be with them for many years to come!!

Take care & all the best for your treatments xx
Zoffiel
Member
6 years ago
Hi @Saram
Oncologists are just like any other service provider. They don't see themselves as being in the same league as the butcher, baker and candlestick maker, but the reality is the only reason you would stay with one you don't like is lack of other options. If you want to see someone else, see someone else and don't feel you need to apologize.

I've sacked three over the years and have finally found my happy place (if there is such a thing when someone wants to take you to the point of death) with an onc who genuinely seems to regard me as a complex human rather than a reluctant contributor to their next holiday or Chanel suit. And he laughs at my black humour.

It's a long term relationship, we hope, so it's worth getting it right. Mxx
iserbrown
Member
6 years ago
She sounds very focused. In time when you are nearly through treatment you may crack a smile.
Take care
BlackWidow
Member
6 years ago
Perhaps ask your surgeon or radio oncologist for suggestions as to changing, maybe they will know of someone more in tune with your personality. maybe she takes a while to warm up to and appreciate your sense of humour. It is your body and your life so go ahead and change if you feel you need to do so I have to say that I'd prefer someone straight down the line at this point and maybe over time you will crack her veneer. Good luck.

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Breaking up with your oncologist

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