12 months on
Tomorrow is my anniversary. My anniversary of finding my breast lump. A day I will never forget...as I'm sure most of you remember vividly. It wasn't a feeling of...oh is that different? It was a definite obvious hardness just above my nipple. It didn't move. It wasn't soft. I knew the moment I felt it, it was cancer.
So I headed into work that day. I knew it was Xmas madness time. My first appointment cancelled so I took myself off to the Emergency Dept at the hospital I worked at as didn't want to wait days for a GP appointment. I knew I needed an ultrasound and biopsy quickly and that was the quickest way to get it.
So referral for ultrasound. The Dr pretended to be unconcerned...but later got me in for an ultrasound within 24 hours. She was concerned. I expressed my worry of the services closing over Xmas and this needing quick action. She listened.
The ultrasound day was one of the saddest days of my life. My sister in law was dying 300km away of endometrial cancer...we had been down a few days before, her condition had deteriorated and I said my Goodbyes on the phone to her, knowing she was unconscious but possibly still being able to hear me. Then I went for my ultrasound.
Nothing like the look on the radiologist face to give it away. She gets the Dr. Then there is the look between them. Oh...we can't really tell you it is cancer...solid black star like lump...but we will biopsy. 5 core biopsies taken. I went back to work...but went home as by this time I was a mess.
Of course the radiology report said highly suspicious of cancer. But no results for ever so it seemed. On the 22nd we drove the 300km to say farewell for the last time to my SIL. I was to speak...but when I got to the funeral service and saw her coffin...I couldn't, I was a mess, and kept thinking this would be me and my family soon. All the while keeping this a secret from all but my husband. They had enough grief.
So we stayed with them through Xmas. I put on my happy face, supported my niece and nephew, my brother and their families through a very difficult Xmas. Laying awake at night terrified of my future.
So we return...no results back until the 29th. My husband was in denial...it might not be...stop worrying. But I knew. I knew the moment I found it. So it was a Es+pr-Her2+ cancer. I only saw her2 on pathology. I googled. Yes I googled. POOR PROGNOSIS....don't you just love those words. But I read. I understood treatment options. I understood recurrence risk. I knew I was facing a fight for my life.
So 4th January I head off to Adelaide. ..500km from home. Back to the hospital my husband and I trained at. I sat having coffee the morning of the appointment at the RAH. I hadn't slept all night. I was so anxious. I decided to do a mindfulness technique. I closed my eyes and listened to the breeze, the birds, the leaves, felt the light. Then it happened. I felt my Mum and my SIL around me. It was both their birthdays. Then I heard it. "You'll be alright. It's gonna be alright"
With that I felt calm. I went to that appointment calm. I was able to take it all in. Dense breasts. Unable to see in mammogram (clear 5 weeks beforehand)... due to breast density. Strong family history. Mastectomy was my choice. Surgeon suggested bilateral due to history and the very strong chance of BRAC1 gene mutation. I agreed and chose immediate delayed reconstruction.
So...the rest is history.
Bone scan, CT scan and breast MRI showed no surprises.
23rd January was my farwell boobie party called Dolly's Parting.
25th January was my surgery with sentinal node biopsy.
4th Feb confirmed...node negative
Within 6 weeks I start ACT-H treatment.
It was hard. I couldn't work but I came through.
Letrozole. ..bearable
Gene testing...negative :)
So here I am 12 months on. I'm recovering steadily from chemo and surgery. I'm back working part time. I'm still a bit more anxious than I'd like to be...but generally I'm doing okay. Herceptin continues. My changeover surgery is planned.
Life is precious. I'm so grateful for this site to be able to connect with others on this difficult path. It has kept me sane on those dark days. It kept me busy supporting others just starting out, knowing how difficult this is. I look forward to 2017 being a year of joy. An end of treatment. Hopefully never to require more. But if it's not...I know I am strong enough, and you have got my back.
So I headed into work that day. I knew it was Xmas madness time. My first appointment cancelled so I took myself off to the Emergency Dept at the hospital I worked at as didn't want to wait days for a GP appointment. I knew I needed an ultrasound and biopsy quickly and that was the quickest way to get it.
So referral for ultrasound. The Dr pretended to be unconcerned...but later got me in for an ultrasound within 24 hours. She was concerned. I expressed my worry of the services closing over Xmas and this needing quick action. She listened.
The ultrasound day was one of the saddest days of my life. My sister in law was dying 300km away of endometrial cancer...we had been down a few days before, her condition had deteriorated and I said my Goodbyes on the phone to her, knowing she was unconscious but possibly still being able to hear me. Then I went for my ultrasound.
Nothing like the look on the radiologist face to give it away. She gets the Dr. Then there is the look between them. Oh...we can't really tell you it is cancer...solid black star like lump...but we will biopsy. 5 core biopsies taken. I went back to work...but went home as by this time I was a mess.
Of course the radiology report said highly suspicious of cancer. But no results for ever so it seemed. On the 22nd we drove the 300km to say farewell for the last time to my SIL. I was to speak...but when I got to the funeral service and saw her coffin...I couldn't, I was a mess, and kept thinking this would be me and my family soon. All the while keeping this a secret from all but my husband. They had enough grief.
So we stayed with them through Xmas. I put on my happy face, supported my niece and nephew, my brother and their families through a very difficult Xmas. Laying awake at night terrified of my future.
So we return...no results back until the 29th. My husband was in denial...it might not be...stop worrying. But I knew. I knew the moment I found it. So it was a Es+pr-Her2+ cancer. I only saw her2 on pathology. I googled. Yes I googled. POOR PROGNOSIS....don't you just love those words. But I read. I understood treatment options. I understood recurrence risk. I knew I was facing a fight for my life.
So 4th January I head off to Adelaide. ..500km from home. Back to the hospital my husband and I trained at. I sat having coffee the morning of the appointment at the RAH. I hadn't slept all night. I was so anxious. I decided to do a mindfulness technique. I closed my eyes and listened to the breeze, the birds, the leaves, felt the light. Then it happened. I felt my Mum and my SIL around me. It was both their birthdays. Then I heard it. "You'll be alright. It's gonna be alright"
With that I felt calm. I went to that appointment calm. I was able to take it all in. Dense breasts. Unable to see in mammogram (clear 5 weeks beforehand)... due to breast density. Strong family history. Mastectomy was my choice. Surgeon suggested bilateral due to history and the very strong chance of BRAC1 gene mutation. I agreed and chose immediate delayed reconstruction.
So...the rest is history.
Bone scan, CT scan and breast MRI showed no surprises.
23rd January was my farwell boobie party called Dolly's Parting.
25th January was my surgery with sentinal node biopsy.
4th Feb confirmed...node negative
Within 6 weeks I start ACT-H treatment.
It was hard. I couldn't work but I came through.
Letrozole. ..bearable
Gene testing...negative :)
So here I am 12 months on. I'm recovering steadily from chemo and surgery. I'm back working part time. I'm still a bit more anxious than I'd like to be...but generally I'm doing okay. Herceptin continues. My changeover surgery is planned.
Life is precious. I'm so grateful for this site to be able to connect with others on this difficult path. It has kept me sane on those dark days. It kept me busy supporting others just starting out, knowing how difficult this is. I look forward to 2017 being a year of joy. An end of treatment. Hopefully never to require more. But if it's not...I know I am strong enough, and you have got my back.
