Home Supporting someone with breast cancer

Should make my user name exhausted mum instead of scared mum lol

Scared MumScared Mum Member Posts: 169

I haven't posted in a while I could now change my user name from Scared Mum to Exhausted Mum lol

Nat had her 4 week break from Chemo Yah!!  well not really we still had the Breast oncologist and the Radiation oncologist app to attend to.. all went well and the planning for her radiation went well, she has her tiny tiny tattoos lol  we got told all the bad stuff burning etc so far so good no burning at all we are at round 13 of 33 so crossed fingers.

Nat has met a couple of young  ladies at the exercise physiologist she goes to once a week if I can kick her bum to go oh! look she is now going twice a week because of them yah!! she can now walk up more than 8 steps with out us having to stop for 10 mins yah! bonus.

Well after all this time poor Nat has cording  this been a nightmare I took her to a qualified Lymphodemea physio close to home that made it worse with deep tissue massage she said it was not cording mmm dr mum said it is (yes I have googled her pain and all the brochures we have been given ) and she made her arm 10 times worse so I complained to her exercise physiologist who concurred, she is a nut job (i'm thinking of complaining )  BUT now instead of 10 minutes down the road we travel 1 1/2 hours to get to one that is actually helping 

So our diary is full again with radiation app every day fitting in physiotherapists  and chiropractor, allergy clinic and her social life haha Im funny!! after all this we come home and sleep aaaaahhhhh 

This mum is exhausted mentally and physically (I'm so tired and so glad she cant read this.... I'm bloody done I'm so bloody over it ..... she doesn't drive any more she makes me drive everywhere (my arm hurts blah blah blah ) I'm off to the docs for me this week but I just think that 10 months of stress has finally worn me down and I know everyone said I can take her to her appointments but she wants her mum to go with her so that is what I do and I will be fine eventually. I just need a sook with people that get it..

    Thanks every one big cyber hugs (((HUGS))))) that need one 

Cheers Sue xxxx


  • jd48jd48 Member Posts: 484
    edited June 2016

    Oh Sue I got exhausted just reading everything you have been doing.... And sending you many virtual hugs my love....

    I have to say this though - it is time for you to take some time to het away and rest up or you will become a patient yourself... Nat will survive looking after herself for a while... Everyone say radiation is easier to handle in the early days and if burns are to happen they will come later as cummulative effect so I need to use this calm to get away sleep and recharge your batteries.

    You are an amazing mum having done all this for this long but if you are to continue being there for her you absolutely have to take care of yourself before you crash and burn and then you are not good to anyone. I have been there a few years ago - mentally blocked damage done to me and kept pushing on until my body decided to say "NO" and landed me in hospital and it is such a hard road back and you never fully recover.

    Nat is a very lucky lady to have you as a mother but she is a big girl who can drive herself to a few appointments. Yes it is nice to have someone baby us and take us everywhere but if that someone goes away for a little while we will step up and we will both manage and survive.

    There is a good old saying that we have to take care of ourselves if we are to take care of others so I hope you take a week for yourself and get away for a bit...




  • iserbrowniserbrown Regional VictoriaMember Posts: 4,853
    edited June 2016

    Hi Sue - you are a champion Mum.  It sure sounds like you need a short break away so that you can endure the rest of the journey with renewed vigor.  Easier said than done but you have to look at the bigger picture!

    If Nat's improving with the exercise and treatment for cording then driving the car should be a task that she can do. Not to all appointments, but say to exercise. You've become her security blanket. I think she is so used to you driving her emotionally and physically that you need to find a way to turn the table slightly so that she is a little more independent. 

    As Jel said "we have to take care of ourselves if we are to take care of others".

    Sending you a virtual hug, take care from Christine xx


  • primekprimek Broken HillMember Posts: 5,409
    edited June 2016

    If she feels she can't  drive then do organise for someone else to take her to appointments a couple of times to give you a break. It is very important to look after you too. My sister has done a lot of this and I sent her away on a trip and ended up encouraging her to see a counselor as I can see she is unraveling. ..and quite frankly I only want to deal with my cancer and not her mental health exhaustion too....my own is enough. 

    My minor cording got worse with chemo. And I also developed trunkal oedema which made my arm tight to my wrist....no arm swelling though. I found no bra and a tight tank helped with drainage as well as regularly lifting my arms above shoulder height to encourage flow...and that gentle stroking downwards. My physio never heard of it with chemo...but it apparently happens a lot with radiotherapy....and resolves later. Stretching, movement and compression tanks can all help. I know mine is chemo related as it follows the cycles then settles just in time for next one. The best thing for it us constant movement. Swimming is fantastic. ..but maybe not whilst having radiotherapy.

    Now as to you....maybe organise a social outing for you during one of your many trips. Daughter to physio...you off for coffee with a friend.

    Take care. You are wonderful. Kath x

  • socodasocoda LeumeahMember Posts: 1,773
    edited June 2016

    Hi Sue, 

    What a phenomenal mum you are!!! It sounds like you are running full tilt all of the time. I know you've said Nat is still having her daily treatment but is there any chance you can schedule in even a nice massage for yourself (or for both of you - after exercise physio?) something that involves a bit of pampering for you!!!! Have you thought about checking out the Otis Foundation to see if there is a retreat anywhere near you for when Nats daily treatment is finished, a couple of days of tranquil scenery to get away could be just what you need, and give you a light at the end of the tunnel. I too have wonderful family who want to do everything for me and look after me and I'm often thinking that it is sooo very hard on loved ones to watch and help us get through our treatments. I see the dark tired circles forming under their eyes through worry, stress and loving care and wish that I could ease their paths as they are trying so hard to do for me. Please look after yourself, and be gentle with you because it doesn't mean your love is diminished in anyway, shape or form. Take care Xx Cath 

  • Scared MumScared Mum Member Posts: 169
    edited June 2016

    Thank you ladies I try really hard to be a good mum to her and the other two I still have home. being a single mum sucks a lot some times.. 

    I tried what you said I pleaded with her to take her self to the gym sessions and told her she could do it,  so off she went yah!! it worked, then the dreaded phone call for Morgan that runs the gym she didn't complete one gym session, she ends up passing out and the ambos being called aaahhhh (Dehydrated, not eating enough, I can only nag her to eat so much, may be she will listen now the docs are nagging too lol ) but how bad do I feel, so we will wait before I push her again maybe after radiation only two weeks to go, 

    I have called the Otis foundation to make a start on booking a holiday so that will be good

    Thanks for all the hugs and Praise I so need to hear that. :) 

    love to you all

    Cheers Sue xxxx 

  • primekprimek Broken HillMember Posts: 5,409
    edited June 2016

    The holiday is fantastic. The stress thing might have contributed. Don't  feel guilty. You tried...it could not have been predicted. Keep trying and look at all help options. It's  a long road back to recovery but she will get there...and so will you. Kath X

Sign In or Register to comment.