My baby has breast cancer
I dont know if I am allowed to post here? but I am struggling to find any support for me as a mother of a 21yr old with breast cancer, (Admin please delete me if necessary)
My daughter found a lump 14/08/15 and I went into panic mode I had her to the doctors the next day, the doctor was very reassuring and said lets get an ultra sound and a fine needle biopsy just to be sure, good I thought!! I will feel better to have it checked ( I have heard all the horror stories of doctors fobbing off patients) The results came back as inconclusive further testing required (my inner spider senses went into over drive) the doctor was lovely and had in to the specialist within 3 days (mm I think she was worried to ) he wanted a core biopsy right now ugg now I'm panicking (inside) results came back again inconclusive uggg.
So the surgery date was set for her lumpectomy I took her in and tried to not cry (while she was in the room ), gee that was hard. We had an appointment in 10 days to take out the stitches so we went about our lives . had decided to go camping for the long weekend (I would sit her in a chair by the river to recuperate. We were half way up the river when we got the call form the specialist that my baby had breast cancer (decision do we turn around and go home or keep going) the doc said keep going it was the longest 2 hour drive I have had towing a 2 ton van, I had to keep stopping to compose my self (blaming the dog he need to get out of the car lol) all the family came camping to which was great. I got results for my breast scan while we away and I'm fine no breast cancer and I think that is when I came unraveled what the hell!!! my baby has it and I don't It's not fair and I lost it and crumbled into a blubbering mess again.. That turned to anger and I'm a blubbering mess again.. my friends (cyber ) kept telling me to think positively that I don't have it and its a good thing I'm sure they don't have kids or they would never say that, I would die for my kids
We hit the ground running on the Tuesday first appointment 8.15 am with the specialist who gave us the run down again (didn't remember a word he said on the phone after he said I'm sorry you have breast cancer need chemo and radiation to my daughter.) we had tests/scans everyday that week We were exhausted (she more than I ) even though waiting rooms are tiring lol Then we had fertility appointments to freeze my grand-babies just in case chemo kills her ovaries and they don't start again but they may because of her age they may (isn't the human body fantastic )
We only had one specialist appointment this week then he decided that his stenographers were better than the place we went to ugg now I'm really scared why? what was he thinking? my brain going in to overdrive (dam google I was told not to go on it but hey she is my baby I'm going to research ) I'm in tears again...
This week round two all booked in for more surgery on the 19/10/15 to excise more tissue and she has to have lymphscintgraphy to see if it has got into her lymph nodes (cross your fingers please ) Thursday this week we start fertility treatments then the full on treatments start chemo
I'm sorry I'm upset and angry all rolled in to one I cant stop crying I guess because I cant fix my baby like I have always done. Thanks for listening xx
rowdy Member Posts: 1,165 ✭
Hi and welcome to the site. I read this and started to cry my heart goes out to you. Going through my own trip I have always had this fear for my daughter as her grandmother on her fathers side had bc and now my trip. I'm terrified for her. Your daughter is so lucky she has you to be there for her. This site is safer to ask questions than dr google there is alot of crap out there.Have a list of questions for doc or the breast care nurse Good luck on Monday try and take it one day at a time Sending you both hugsxx0
CarmelS Member Posts: 268 ✭
I can't imagine your anguish over your daughter, even though most of us on here have had BC I think watching your child go through this is going to be one of the hardest things you will do. Having said that, now the statistics are very good for quite a few of us, & there are so many new drugs available both to treat the cancer & to help with side effects from those life saving drugs. It's going to be a rough ride, so buckle up ! Get on here to ask questions or even to have a moan........we all do, even years on !
Thank you ladies I have struggled with it all,even reading the stories on here as me bursting into tears( yep I'm a sook lol) I guess because its all still so new, but if I'm welcome to chat here I'm sure you will all help us through it
Thanks so much0
emmyp Member Posts: 53 ✭
Great big hugs to you. I am the baby although not quite as young as your daughter. Earlier this year my mum had a mammogram and had to go back for more tests she was fine and a few months later I was not fine. I know she has found it hard and she has said it would have been better and easier if it was her. But she has been the best support for me and come to all my chemo and any appointments that I asked her to come to and helped with my little boy. You just have to tell her how much you love her and be there for her. We are much all so much stronger than we think and with your support she will find all the strength she needs to make it through this tough time. Big hugs to her too.
Love Emma Xx0
Thanks for coming to this site, I hope that we can give both you and your daughter some support. It is so much like being in a fog when this first process begins, and finding out the extent of the damage is worse again. Please keep checking in to the site, as you'll get lots of support and advice along the way. Just take it 1 appointment at a time, and take a notepad and pen into the appointment with you,so that you can get your questions answered, and can write it all down to refer back. Feeling for you and sending you all a big cuddle, Trace ????0
Of course you are scared. It's a scary thing. I always said I was glad it was me and not one of my kids. One thing to be grateful for is that your GP took it seriously and persevered with testing. I have met a couple of young women in my travels who were told they couldn't possibly have cancer because they were too young and by the time they were finally diagnosed they were stage 4.
The other girls are right. All you can do is take one day at a time. Write down your questions for the doctors and if necessary write the answers down so that you can go over them again later. Get a my journey kit for your daughter and you can both read it. It has lots of useful information. The early days of the unknown are particularly hard. It's ok to cry, be angry and upset. Try to be honest with your feelings. There will be times that you will feel completely useless but trust me, just being there counts for a lot. Accept any help you are offered and remember that this illness will take it's toll on the people surrounding your daughter as well. Look after yourself as she is going to need you. I wish you, your daughter and your family all the best. Karen xox0
Alsopt Member Posts: 225 ✭
I don't know what to say or write except you are in the right place to express. I couldn't imagine my daughter is 22 and I'm 50 it's me with the breast cancer. This shouldn't happen it isn't fair. My sincere love xxx Anytime you need feel comfortable here I know there are some pages for young people going through this your daughter is probably trying to digest this info right now it's huge for those of us that are older neverlone at that young age xxx lots of informed people on here that will help xxx0
Ann-Marie Member Posts: 1,142 ✭
You are in the right place!
My name is Ann-Marie and I am the Online Community Coordinator at BCNA.
We are here to support both you and your daughter and provide you with as much information as you need.
~ Ann-Marie x0
adean Member Posts: 1,036 ✭
Hi , one cannot begin to imagine what you guys are going through, us ladies have been there but under different circumstances. Why don't you join the young womens group. Or join for your daughter and you can chat with other young woman and show her that there other young woman out there too. We ladies can also be your support. Fire away ask questions or just vent to us. Love and hugs to you. Adean0
Kymvass Member Posts: 52
Hi Scared Mum,
I think reading your post, brings all of us back to our initial diagnosis and we are all feeling for you. I guess thats the benefit of this site, rather than listening to well meaning people around you.
The only advice I would offer anyone is that there are so many different 'types' of breast cancer. So not everyone is the same, nor are the treatment plans when you are hearing different stories. That was 1 big lesson for me.
The other thing I would say, encourage her to read only the positive stories of successful outcomes like Kylie Minogue, Olivia Newton John and Sally Obermeder and many other non-famous people on this site. Thinking positively and blowing away negative thoughts is crucial to your wellbeing. I use positive thinking meditation which calls the chemo chair the 'healing chair'.
And finally, only read up to what stage you are at in your path. Dont read ahead - its too scary. Taking bite sized portions of information meant for you at the right time is also manageable.
Sending you and your baby big hugs.
lrb_03 Member Posts: 1,263 ✭
Hi. My heart goes out to you. You've definitely come to the right place for support.
I can't begin to imagine how you are feeling, but send big hugs
I have tried to comment back to you all with out blubbering (no luck there ) I Thank you so much ladies you have all made me feel so much better I will take your advice and support and love on board,
Im sorry to read all your struggles with this bloody (there is no nice words ) awful disease and now know to awful and big hugs to you all from us xx
I know it is going to be a really tough ride (I have stopped asking dr google ) as you have said everyone's treatment is different, so I'm probably worrying unnecessarily (but gee its hard ). I will be by her side every step of the way and hopefully tomorrow I will meet the same nurses and last time that fobbed off my questions as "she wont have it stop worrying" and wouldn't answer my questions, I know they could have probably seen the worry on my face and were trying to stop me from worrying but It made my worry worse.
Toady we went to a breast cancer fundraiser that the onkaparinga council (here in SA) organised mmm I wasn't that impressed there was NO information on breast cancer at all... not even a pink ribbon stand to buy the merchandise (a bit sad really)
So tomorrow morning we are off the second surgery and pray it hasn't got into her lymph nodes
Thank you for listening
Love to you all
All the best for tomorrow. You and your daughter will be in my thoughts. Xox0
My daughter had her lymphscintgraphy (Emla cream although very expensive is worth every cent and more! she is very petrified of needles and had been told this test was very painful she didn't feel a thing yah!! ) surgery on Monday two of her lymph nodes lite up and were removed (cross your fingers ) we are awaiting the results on Monday next week, she is battered, bruised and swollen and in pain my poor baby but in highish spirits (I don't know how? )
I had to to take her to the gp today as they didn't give her any pain meds to go home with (panadol was supposed to ok mmmm nope wasn't touching the pain )
She doesn't have time to recover as we are off the fertility clinic Friday was supposed to be tomorrow but they stuffed up the appointment time thank goodness as she/we need a day off
I had to go to my gyno today told him I don't care about me right now I need to concentrate on my daughter we can fix me (Its not urgent! I can suck it up ) later next year some time when this was over, (he needed to know why? which meant I was blubbering again lol ) anyway to cut a long story short, turns out he is the head of the fertility at the hosp and will be taking her case and looking after her yah!
Thanks for listening
Cheers Sue xx0
Hi Sue, it sounds like your daughter is progressing along ok, and you'll probably both feel better when you have an accurate idea of the pathology. The treatment team will talk with you both about treatment options available, so that you can decide on a plan. Sending you a cuddle for your tears, sounds very normal to me, just let it out as you go along. I hope that your daughters results are not too bad. BC is one of the more treatable cancers, these guys really know what they are doing. Ask lots of questions, so that you understand the why and wherefores along the way. Please keep checking in with us all, you'll get lots of support and advice, big hugs, Trace ??????0