More cancer.
Chevvy
Member Posts: 37 ✭
Another diagnosis... crikey, back again. Looking for someone to tell me I'm not loosing my marbles please, lol. This online forum provides me with so much strength, I feel guilty that I can't offer much support yet to those who write in, but I gain much strength from reading your stories. I completed bc treatment last October, started tamoxifen November, diagnosed brain "infection" February after taking a fall so bad broke my cheekbone and split chin open, diagnosed stage 2 melanoma cancer April, PET scans surgery, recovery, 1st yearly mammogram & u/sound since diagnosis and show 15mm enlarged lymph node same side as original bc. Drs doing a "watch and wait"... not sure if I like that but their the drs...now just diagnosed stage 3 melanoma and undergone more surgery. Bloody hate whinging but can I just say...this is starting to break me now. This crap cancer is springing up everywhere and if I talk to anyone I feel burdeoned with guilt that I'm making it all "more than what it is", especially when I know others out there suffering health conditions so much more than I am. . I work in community care, disability/mental health...have worked throughout all of this... have always been so mentally strong and confident. Now I'm starting to doubt and second guess myself, quite probably because everything feels like its out of my control. Has anyone else experienced anything similar... feel like I'm loosing my mind yet anyone around me would think I was calm coping and completely sane, lol...
Thanks so much for reading. 😊
Thanks so much for reading. 😊
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Comments
Never think you need to compare yourself to anyone else. This is not a race or a competition.
You have every reason to be frightened, who wouldn't be? What sort of superhuman would you have to be to just keep smiling and dancing, caring for others when all this is going on?
Please ask your GP/team for a referral to a counselor. That was always hit and miss situation even before COVID. Give it a go anyway.
You are not losing your mind. I wish I could help you more.. Mxx
With everything you are going thru, you are definitely not losing your mind ..... it is just going a million miles an hour, trying to compute all that is going on xx
With your melanoma, has immunotherapy been mentioned at all? There have been leaps and bounds in that area in recent years. Maybe ask about it if they haven’t mentioned it?
You are amazing to have worked all thru this - but don’t forget to look out for yourself as well xx If you get anxious or stressed, definitely chat with a Counsellor or social worker at your Cancer Centre, or chat with the helpline here, too xx
take care and all the best xx
Thankyou Zoffiel for encouraging me to believe my marbles are in fact in tact. I did mention to Dr my thoughts, just wanted to stick me on anti depressants.. unfortunately have allergies to all ssri's so thats not an option...wish it was..felt like I was making such a fuss. Think it comes from the industry i work in, spent so many years advocating, and "fixing" things for everybody else feels like i should be able to fix it for myself. You both might be on it with the counsellor idea 👍 thanku girls xo
You would be forgiven for having a downer with everything that’s happening
we all do at some point. I’ve made use of the Councellor and it was a great help. Everything she taught me during our sessions i use some all the time and others i put back into practice again when things get tough.
Take care and make some you time
You've certainly got yourself in a medical pickle and understandably a highly emotional state.
Don't fret, you're not losing your marbles, you've drawn the short straw.
Doctors doing a watch and wait on the lymph nodes. I recently had my annual mammogram and was asked when did I have my vaccination as they find if it's recent the lymph nodes are enlarged. Perhaps your body is trying to defend!
Please don't feel isolated. That's what the forum is about, like minded to help you through. Vent away!
As suggested by others a Counsellor may help with coping mechanisms
Take care
I do hope you are having a GOOD BREAK (so to speak] this time, to recover as well as you can .... I feel for you - it will all feel so weird for a while, as you have had some pretty serious surgery surgery on 3 fronts in recent time xx. Make haste slowly xx
yep, definitely put yourself first this time, and do what you have to do to get well again xx you’ve been thru a heap of stuff and deserve a break xx
I should try a counsellor... do feel a bit of a fraud doing that as I work in psych and feel like I should have all those answers.. just can't seem to fix myself, lol.. but certainly that path seems to have been beneficial to many on here...
Thanku lovely ladies for listening to my rant.
Yep, having a little break. Went back to work after the surgery but then booked 2 weeks annual leave. Think my "head" needs a break more than the body does, and haven't had one since this all started last year. Too blooming stubborn before now. Used to go to work, drive myself to treatment, then drive myself back to work, regardless how crappy I felt. Refused to give in to it.. perhaps in hindsight not a healthy coping mechanism. Am definitely hoping few weeks off might help the head/thoughts.... time will tell.. do feel work is a good escape tho as keeps head busy. 🌻
After my breast cancer diagnosis I was referred for a PET scan ( due to the size of the tumour) and it showed up something suspicious in my thyroid.
I was referred for a thyroid biopsy which showed a tiny completely independent cancer ( not a metastasis of the breast cancer).
The mental state I was in during all that was pretty bad but once I actually saw the thyroid specialist and we had the plan to remove the thyroid ( had this done a month after my radiotherapy finished) I felt a lot calmer.
As many have said on the forum, a cancer diagnosis does really mess with your head and professional counselling can help .
I think for me I had always regarded my self as “ bulletproof” and hardly ever took a sick day at work , so I was grieving the loss of my bulletproof self.
One thing I have learned is that you need to look after yourself and some times I play the “ cancer card” if I just don’t feel up to doing something.
Although the Covid 19 business had been hard, the fact that my breast cancer diagnosis was 12 months ago means I have had less activities I have had to say no to ( who wants to go to a party or pub when you are randomly crying at the smallest things).
Things will get better but it will take time.
Sending virtual hugs.
My first melanoma was diagnosed when I was 38. I have a massive scar on my shoulder. It was stage one so no other treatment. I have been seen by a dermatologist since I was 30 as I have lots of moles and both my parents had melanoma.
Then at 39 another melanoma on my back. A similar big scar and again stage 1. I see the dermatologist every 6 months except if melanoma then every 3 months for a yr and the back to 6 months
At 40 I nearly died from a superbug that cut off my airway and I developed septicaemia. I ended up in intensive care for 5 weeks and had a tracheotomy for that time. It took me a year to get over it.
I thought well that would be it. At 49 I got another melanoma which was stage 2 regressive melanoma on my back. Another massive scar but all gone and no other treatment. Then at 58 I got breast cancer.
There is a link between breast cancer and melanoma. I did gene testing and luckily I don't have BRCA 2 gene which links these cancers. So I guess I am just one of those people....
I have noticed at each cancer diagnosis I have had very big stresses in the preceding 12 to 18 months and the other thing I noticed is that my vitamin D levels have been extremely low prior to diagnosis.
My oncologist put me on Vitamin D at 4000 units initially on the bc diagnosis and now I take 2000 units per day.
Each time I see the dermatologist I feel lucky if I get out of there without a biopsy. I have had over 30 biopsies for moles that have been dodgy. At least half of the moles they have done biopsies on have been abnormal cells so it's great they are out.
It is hard to deal with all this stuff. My BC was early and diagnosed in April 2020 but it was aggressive cells, grade 3 but stage 1. No lymph. I have 2 surgeries for the BC, 4 months chemo and 1 month radium and now take tamoxifen. It's exhausting really.
It all plays on my mind sometimes. I am ok. I take everything one day at a time and one appointment at a time. I walk nearly every day and try to be mindful, living in the moment. I find joy in simple pleasures. I don't work any more. It just all got too much for me for many reasons. But I am ok.
You will get through this. Ask about immunotherapy as there is good work going on with it and melanoma. Get those constant skin checks which I am sure you will. Be kind to yourself and put yourself first. Sounds like you give alot to others, especially with your job. Now its time for you. Maybe a bit of counselling can help. I did get some. Didn't need too many sessions but it helped.
Take care. Sending you a virtual hug.🌻
I realise how fortunate I am.
Have appointment with Breast Surgeon for review, 4 October. Was seeing Oncologist in September but rang and asked, could I see Michael, Oncologist on 4 October. No worries was the return text and don't fret if John, Breast surgeon is running late.....
One trip only into Melbourne