husband not coping with my physical appearance since failed reconstruction



  • FLClover
    FLClover Member Posts: 1,530
    Hey @Zoffiel
    Why did you need to have them replaced twice? I’m thinking of getting implants but not sure it’s the best way to go..🤔. 
    I’m sorry that your breasts hurt 😕. That’s beyond unfair 
  • Zoffiel
    Zoffiel Member Posts: 3,372
    @FLClover, they become encapsulated. Very quickly. They also migrate around-- I' shot the left expander into my armpit a couple of days after my original op and that seemed to set a precedent for that side. That is another story of negligence which I'm tired of retelling. The right side works it's way up my chest. When a variety of surgeons have gone in to reposition them, the implants are too damaged to be reused. I hear one in particular is now used as a teaching aid...
    My case is very, very uncommon. I develop keloid scars - just generally irritable I suppose - and my body hates the implants.
    The 'obvious' solution - removing them- has been thoroughly discussed and would probably cause even more trouble.
    99% of people have few, if any, problems . 
  • FLClover
    FLClover Member Posts: 1,530
    Thanks for that @Zoffiel, I appreciate it. And sorry to make you retell and relive it all over again. I’m just an overly anxious person and a bit confused atm. 
    I know not much can be done in your situation, but I hope at least the pain buzzes off 🤞
  • iserbrown
    iserbrown Member Posts: 5,552
    Oh I agree wholeheartedly with @sister!  
    The most important part of healing is acceptance.
    His comments sound very shallow and all about him!  Perhaps he was having a bad day but hey he needs to be pointed in the direction of a Psychologist so he can understand that his commentary, flippant or not, is hurtful and he too needs acceptance.
    Look after yourself, physically and emotionally.  Simple things like sitting out on the verandah with a cup of tea and taking in nature or a walk in the park to clear your head all help
    As mentioned many a time this really is a shit fest at times and it certainly helps if support is there from your nearest and dearest. 
    The forum is a great place for venting and understanding 
    Best wishes and take care 
  • arpie
    arpie Member Posts: 7,565
    I am so sorry your hubby made those insensitive remarks ... and I hope that he has apologised to you for them. :(  

    There ain’t none of us that are picture perfect (even him, as you mention!). Maybe he needs to strip off and take a good look at himself in the mirror - and you can also take notes   LOL ....

    Our battle scars are evidence that we are still here - and that we are tough! 

    Do what is right for YOU ... if that means shooting thru on your own (or with a ‘bestie’) for a while to ‘rejuvenate’ ... just do it!! And don’t load up the fridge with cooked dinners beforehand ... let the family work that out themselves!!  ;) 

    Maybe consider joining a couple of groups (be it walking, garden, reading .... anything that you enjoy doing) so you have more ‘you time’ and get out of the house more too.  

    Whereabouts are you (you can add your general area to your ‘profile’.) You May be able to meet up with local BCNA members for chats and support (covid willing.)  

    We are all feeling for you so much .... so lean on us when you need that extra bit of support xxx. Take care xx
  • Flaneuse
    Flaneuse Member Posts: 899
    @dodg113 Terribly challenging situation for you. I don't have any suggestions other than what the other girls have said, but sending you virtual hug. 
  • arpie
    arpie Member Posts: 7,565
    @dodg113. .... Great to hear!! Onwards and upwards!!  

    Maybe contact Otis Foundation and see if you can arrange a break for you and your Besties or family ... a week away with the girls/family for fun and laughter - the best medicine ever. xx

  • FLClover
    FLClover Member Posts: 1,530
    Great work @dodg113, very happy to hear that 😃😁☺️🥰. 
    (He might’ve gotten scared at the thought of a crowd of half boobless and half reconstructed-with-bricks, and very angry women running after him with pitchforks 😂😂. Sorry, trying to see funny side, what else can we do 🤷🏼‍♀️)
  • TonyaM
    TonyaM Member Posts: 2,836
    Hi @dodg113, sounds like progress!
    @Zoffiel,I just love your posts- you tell it like it is! You are articulate,honest and funny(in a dark sort of way)
  • FLClover
    FLClover Member Posts: 1,530
    Great great suggestion @arpie! 👌🏻
    @dodg113 get yourself on the list. I just came back from a week away. All you have to do is visit the website and fill out a short form. There may be a short wait but it’s worth it, and a free holiday is always welcome 👌🏻☺️ 
  • dodg113
    dodg113 Member Posts: 53

    great ,thanks!!! didn't know of Otis foundation sounds fabulous!
    @Zoffiel thank you for sharing - sounds like a really hard situation.
    I see a pain specialist as got severe nerve damage pain from radiotherapy - he literally saved my life from pain point of just sucks sometimes :(
  • arpie
    arpie Member Posts: 7,565
    edited November 2020
    I had 5 days in the Snowy Mountains 18 months ago with hubby and my brother and SIL ... it was lovely.  They have chalets/houses in ALL states ... jump on and check out which one would suit you. You usually only have to take clothes and food!  Xx
  • June1952
    June1952 Member Posts: 1,826
    Sometimes I think my body resembles a rough patchwork quilt from so many BC and other surgeries over the years - then I remind myself: