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Count down to surgery

T0mmyT0mmy Member Posts: 13
edited April 2020 in Newly diagnosed
I’ve always looked forward to new adventures and or changes in my life. How do I prepare for coming home knowing I’ll be missing a part of me? I’m a size 18 mother of a 5 year old son and am loved by my fiancé for who I am. I’m worried how this might change me.  


  • ddonddon Member Posts: 346
    It is not easy for sure. And it’s an uncomfortable truth that our concern for how our partner will feel about us afterwards features high in our fears. I am happy to say that both adjust to that missing body part. The sadness stays but you accept it and are just grateful the tumour is gone. Sending you a big hug xx
  • JennyD78JennyD78 NewcastleMember Posts: 65
    Hi @T0mmy
    It's a tough one.  I had a bilateral mastectomy with no reconstruction and was a size 26 at the time.  I went with humour as a way to cope and referred to myself as looking like E.T.  All belly, no boobs but still cute as heck :p  I also try and remind myself that there's a lot of fella's out there with figures just like mine and they don't seem to feel the slightest bit self conscious about it!  I promise though...I will not be popping on a pair of budgie smugglers and going to the beach  :D  

    Another way of thinking about it was that the effing thing had a crack at killing me and there was no way I was keeping something in my life that did that!  Good riddance to the rotten thing!

    Anyway, there's all sorts of ways of dealing with this (and they can change hourly, daily, weekly) and you'll do it your own way and that'll work for you.  Don't think twice about seeing a professional for some help talking it through.  It can be incredibly cathartic to talk through what you're feeling with someone who has no skin in the game.  If you're not already aware, your GP can do a "Mental Health Care Plan" for you which will subsidise about 5 trips to a mental health professional.

    All the best xo
  • T0mmyT0mmy Member Posts: 13
    Thank you! All the best xo
  • jennyssjennyss Western NSWMember Posts: 986
    Dear @T0mmy
    Go gal go, and 

    from jennyss in Western NSW
  • AfraserAfraser MelbourneMember Posts: 3,266
    It may have been because I was an older woman, but I didn’t reflect too much on a ‘missing bit’. An arm or a leg would have been hard for all sorts of practical reasons not only body image. I remember being grateful that I was not one of those dealing with a tumour in the brain. I certainly didn’t like losing my breast, I didn’t hate it (I don’t see cancer as a personal attack) but I did accept the medical advice about the best treatment. My partner wasn’t remotely concerned, and slowly, neither was I. Embrace the change, it is what it is and treating your body (whatever shape) with love and respect is important. Best wishes. 
  • T0mmyT0mmy Member Posts: 13
  • CleaClea Member Posts: 9
    Hi. Im  similar to you in a couple of ways I’ve just had a uni mastectomy (and recon as well) I was a size 18 and have a seven year old son but am single so don’t have the same issue with worrying about what my partner will think of me. There is this great woman on YouTube called Dee Doherty and she did an awesome video ‘what cancer is like for the partner’ it might help you to watch that. The way I personally am coping with everything is to stay relentlessly focused on what I am gaining vs what I am losing. Wishing you all the very best. x
  • Cath62Cath62 Brisbane Member Posts: 116
    Thank you for sharing. I am new to this, diagnosed 29th April. Surgery is tomorrow, Wide lobal excision, node biopsy etc. It is scary but must be done. Diagnosed with invasive ductal carcinoma grade 3. Not sure of radiation, chemo or both - all yet to come along with hormone treatment. I take solace in the fact that my Dr knows what he is doing and my team will advise the best way for forward for me. My husband is great. He has been a cancer survivor too so that is helpful but it is a lonely process even with people around me.
  • ddonddon Member Posts: 346
    So sorry you are on here and facing the days coming. You are right - it can be a lonely road even when surrounded by people who love you. We can be thankful for our surgeons and medical teams who know their stuff and want the best for us. Hang in there, this will pass and there are better days ahead x
  • Shellshocked2018_Shellshocked2018_ Fleurieu Peninsula , SAMember Posts: 281
    edited May 2020
    Sending both @TOmmy and @Cath62 the best for your up coming surgeries.
    As mentioned above see your GP for a mental health care plan, this is so valuable for talking about so many things. 

    Keep this thought and stay positive.
    Sending hugs to everyone that needs it xx
  • Giovanna_BCNAGiovanna_BCNA Administrator, Staff, Member, Moderator Posts: 1,739
    Hello @T0mmy and @Cath62 all the best with your surgeries!  Take care
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