Night Howls

Hi there @kmakm. My pattern was I'd drop off, exhausted, at around ten at night, then when the rest of the household went to bed, piddling in the toilet (No flush unless floating logs present) type noises would wake me up. Then the head starts up, and, in order to break the circuit of random thoughts in the blender, I'd turn on my bedside light and read my kindle until it started drooping from my hand. Rearrange all support zonta type pillows after turning, then try again. But between my fucked fingers. wrecked wrists, knackered knees, stuffed shoulders, I was doomed anyhow. The night consisted of that initial hour and maybe an extra half hour with it, then mere cat naps between each difficult turn. My GP said to me that if my sleep problems were of a passing nature, such as having recently been in hospital and having my sleep cycle disrupted, or a one off event, such as a house move or some such, he would be very reluctant to put me on nightly medication, probably for ever. (However long that may be). He said to me, "But you're 60, this has lasted for years, and due to your pain issues waking you each time you need to move, I would be negligent if I didn't". He added that if I was someone trying to get scheduled drugs off him because of other issues, I wouldn't have waited eighteen months before begging. I have a script for strong painkillers, Temgesic, which I am allowed one four times a day, and I only ever take one at night. This also reassured him that I wasn't an irresponsible person. He also said that the amount of cortisol flooding my body would be from severe, ongoing, protracted stress, not at all helped by near total lack of sleep. He finished with the statement that he thought nightly sleep medication was the least of my problems and stated that in his opinion, anybody who had gone through cancer treatment was suffering with post traumatic syndrome to one degree or another. He said that if he couldn't cure any of my multiple medical problems, at least he could get me some sleep, so I could deal with them better. Perhaps copy this and take it with you to your doctor, and see if her peer and his reasoning would touch their heart. xoxo Ally.

For those that haven't seen this fact sheet before you may find it helpful
https://www.bcna.org.au/resource/fact-sheet-sleepless-nights-breast-cancer-and-sleep/

@Kiwi Angel Perhaps it would be a good idea to have a few sessions with your counsellor to sort through the stew of grief, stress & treatment that's landed you here.

Quite suddenly in the last month I've been having a lot of dreams about my deceased sister for the first time since she died. Some of them are nice but many are not and I wake up crying. I raised this with my psych and she said maybe it's because there's room for the first time.

Processing this cancer stuff takes time and we can't wish it away. It takes its own sweet time. I know you had a difficult bereavement not long before you were diagnosed. Your life is different now, and what suited you before, your job, is maybe not suiting you now.

Talking all this through with someone might bring some clarity to where you find yourself now. None of it is linear, but a change of job might help you find a better place to sit in your survivorship. Would it hurt to look around for something different?

Big hug S. K xox

Heads up to anyone travelling to or via Hong Kong...zopiclone is available over-the-counter at many pharmacies.

I tried getting something for my back and hip not long ago.  My regular GP was not on that day so had to see someone else.  Now keep in mind I have had zero drugs prescribed, apart from one box of diazapam on the day of diagnosis, in 2 and a half years. Nil, nothing, as he saw whilst scrolling through my now very long history.  When I explained the situation and that panadol and voltaren just wasn't cutting it anymore he says "so you've come  seeking drugs"  I said yes, politely got dismissed and told to do stretches.  WTF.  Doing stretches in your sleep is somewhat difficult I would imagine. I couldn't even con him into a box of Mersyndol now he knew what I wanted it for LOL What a twat. 

That's fantastic to hear @Sister. I've mentioned before that my GP spent a few weeks doing a breast cancer course, inc survivorship issues, because she was seeing increasing numbers of BC patients. I like professionals, people in fact, who are open to learning new stuff. To deepening knowledge. Impressive.