Overwhelmed
ChristyT
Geelong, VicMember Posts: 8 ✭
Hi all
I am a 40 year old Mum of 3 (3,7,8). 5 weeks ago I found a lump in my left breast. Saw GP the next day and was referred for tests. In the last 5 weeks I have had:
mammogram
ultrasound
biopsy
CAT scan
bone scan
MRI
pelvic ultradound
internal ultrasound
skin sparing mastectomy
Axillary clearance
reconstruction
Port Insertion
Round 1 of chemo (EC)
However, hardest to get my head around is what is still to come:
hair loss
3 more rounds of EC
12 rounds of Taxol
Hormone suppression
Early Menopause
Radiotherapy
Removal of ovaries
Not to mention non medical related issues (stopping work, finances etc)
We are so lucky to have amazing support, but how do you find the strength to deal with all that is still to come?
Feeling very overwhelmed and drowning.
I am a 40 year old Mum of 3 (3,7,8). 5 weeks ago I found a lump in my left breast. Saw GP the next day and was referred for tests. In the last 5 weeks I have had:
mammogram
ultrasound
biopsy
CAT scan
bone scan
MRI
pelvic ultradound
internal ultrasound
skin sparing mastectomy
Axillary clearance
reconstruction
Port Insertion
Round 1 of chemo (EC)
However, hardest to get my head around is what is still to come:
hair loss
3 more rounds of EC
12 rounds of Taxol
Hormone suppression
Early Menopause
Radiotherapy
Removal of ovaries
Not to mention non medical related issues (stopping work, finances etc)
We are so lucky to have amazing support, but how do you find the strength to deal with all that is still to come?
Feeling very overwhelmed and drowning.
0
Comments
There's nothing easy about this - it's just a matter of getting through and it does feel like it will never happen but it will. Every chemo treatment is one less that you have to have. Rads is not difficult and there are ways to help prevent burns. And not everyone has issues with the hormone therapy - try not to go there in your head until you have to.
But do come here for info, support and the odd laugh. It helps.
In moments when you are so overwhelmed that a panic attack occurs or complete breakdown threatens, you need to take some deep breaths. Long breath in, hold for two seconds, then long breath out. Then lightly pat your thighs and arms, saying to yourself 'this is me, this is me'. You can also note to yourself the things who can hear, see, smell, feel and taste. This gets you out of your head, which at moments like those is a good thing!
My psychologist is big on not doing 'predictive' grief. As much as you are able, don't anticipate your reactions or grief to things that haven't happened yet. In other words, don't cross bridges until you come to them. Do you have a counsellor?
Hair loss is a big deal for many of us, but not all. I tried the cold cap to spare my youngest two the visual (click on my @ name to read my story) but it didn't work. So I had it all shaved off at a local hipster barber, who gave me a stiff gin & tonic while it was being done, and refused to let me pay for either the cut or the gin! The kindness of strangers. I found having no hair to be very freeing, everyone said I had a great shaped head, that I looked great (chemo can clear your skin and make you 'glow'), and showers are a revelation. It takes some adjusting to publicly looking like you have cancer, but if you can't you can borrow or buy a wig, and no one will ever know. My hair has grown back the same as it was before, but with a different texture (which will pass) and looks so good short that I'm sticking with a pixie cut for now. A friend that I've known since I was 15 told me only the other day that I'd found my look!
There is very little about BC that's good, but you can find some pearls in there. I have never felt so loved as when I had chemo. My friends were amazing. You gain a deeper truer knowledge of yourself that can be quite profound. And for me, joining this forum has led to me making irl friends who I'll have forever.
Most of your list will pass, and the things that won't, well, we'll be here to help you, and keep you company along the way. There are also a surprising number of laughs! I'm having a tough time in survivorship. (it's the first anniversary of my diagnosis on Tuesday), and this forum has been beyond invaluable, supportive, caring and kind.
Can I suggest on Monday you give the BCNA helpline a call? The wonderful women there will be able to give you some excellent support and advice around all the things you're worried about, including the work and finance issues. 1800 500 258.
Keep putting one foot in front of the other Christy. You'll be surprised how quickly things become routine. And keep your eyes on the prize: a healthy cancer free you who will be around for your children and their children. When things are at their darkest for me, that's what I think about.
Keep coming here and let us know how you're getting on. We're with you all the way lovely. Biggest of hugs, K xox
Yep. One day at a time .... if you can, try & have some 'you time' now & then ..... have a go at doing something that you really love doing - I find that if I am kept busy, I don't 'dwell on it' quite as much, as it can be a tad overwhelming.
This Bloody disease really mucks with your head a bit too - so feel free to unload here on the blog - we all 'get it'.
Take care xxx
@Sister you made me laugh with the Bolognese reference! Thanks.
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.
@Milly21 spot on. Thanks for the reminder.
Wow a full on few weeks.
I found just tackling each thing as it come up rather than thinking ahead too much helped me. We are only guessing what ifs if thinking too far ahead.
Take time now to focus on each day and enjoying your life. Something we one toom for granted. I enjoy birthdays and family celebrations so much more since diagnosis than I ever did. And I just stopped doing what I loathed. I was unwell during chemo so day by day is what got me through. Kath X