Unease
Janey235
Member Posts: 1,206 ✭
Hi my Pink Sisters,
I have been a bit distracted lately and haven't gotten to reply to a lot of your posts for which I'm sorry. I have read them all though and wish you all well.
Coming out of the other side of BC is quite a surreal feeling. You are through the worst and you can breath again and feel like things are relatively back to normal (all-be-it a new normal as I have scars and stiffness and am still a bit sore and tight from surgery) but there's always a sense of looming unease that I suppose I will have to learn to live with. I go back to work next week at reduced hours and I feel ready but also nervous like I'm starting a new job. I was there a few days again to hand in my 'return to work' plan that had to be approved by my GP and I felt weird being there, awkward amongst my colleagues. They are having a morning tea for me which I really don't want. It's nice but I just want to slip back in without any fuss. I know as time goes by things will settle down but it's just another reminder of what I've been through.
As I said before I had to have my GP sign off on my return to work plan and I was coughing a bit in her office on Monday. She asked me how long that had been going on for and I told her that it hadn't really cleared up from my cold I had in November last year. She sent me to have a chest X-ray on Wednesday and said she was being extra cautious and wanted to rule out anything other than just a cough. I phoned for the results yesterday afternoon and was told by the medical receptionist that my GP wants to see me 'to discuss'. I asked whether there was anything I needed to worry about but of course she couldn't tell me over the phone. She's not available to see until next Monday afternoon. Tonight has been the first sleepless night I've had in quite a while. Once again I'm scared. Will this ever end?
Sorry everyone, I just needed to get this down so I maybe can get some sleep. I have Herceptin today and need some rest.
Janey xxx
I have been a bit distracted lately and haven't gotten to reply to a lot of your posts for which I'm sorry. I have read them all though and wish you all well.
Coming out of the other side of BC is quite a surreal feeling. You are through the worst and you can breath again and feel like things are relatively back to normal (all-be-it a new normal as I have scars and stiffness and am still a bit sore and tight from surgery) but there's always a sense of looming unease that I suppose I will have to learn to live with. I go back to work next week at reduced hours and I feel ready but also nervous like I'm starting a new job. I was there a few days again to hand in my 'return to work' plan that had to be approved by my GP and I felt weird being there, awkward amongst my colleagues. They are having a morning tea for me which I really don't want. It's nice but I just want to slip back in without any fuss. I know as time goes by things will settle down but it's just another reminder of what I've been through.
As I said before I had to have my GP sign off on my return to work plan and I was coughing a bit in her office on Monday. She asked me how long that had been going on for and I told her that it hadn't really cleared up from my cold I had in November last year. She sent me to have a chest X-ray on Wednesday and said she was being extra cautious and wanted to rule out anything other than just a cough. I phoned for the results yesterday afternoon and was told by the medical receptionist that my GP wants to see me 'to discuss'. I asked whether there was anything I needed to worry about but of course she couldn't tell me over the phone. She's not available to see until next Monday afternoon. Tonight has been the first sleepless night I've had in quite a while. Once again I'm scared. Will this ever end?
Sorry everyone, I just needed to get this down so I maybe can get some sleep. I have Herceptin today and need some rest.
Janey xxx
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Comments
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Janey,please try not to worry.I was at my GP on Sat morning,and they have a new sign on the desk that reads,please note that this practice will not give test results over the phone any more.From now on you HAVE to make an appt to see the doctor.It could be something as simple as that,but the doctor still wants to discuss your cough with you.You would hope if it was anything more,the doctor would have got you in.Take care Janey,and try to stay really busy until Monday.Love Robyn.xoxo0
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Hi
Sorry to hear that you have that fear that we all have when our doctors need to discuss results with us. I have everything crossed for you that your results will be fine and you need nothing more than some antibiotics. The doctors need to be more sensitive to the needs of patients and squeeze you in earlier
I don't think the fear of recurrence ever leaves. I have been " normal " and back at work for over a year now and it still haunts me. I have lesions on a kidney that are constantly monitored by a urologist and my onco and now two rib fractures that will be rescanned etc next month.
My work colleagues let me slip straight back into full time work as a preschool teacher but some are awkward talking to me and especially if I make a joke about my missing boobs. I remind them I'm still the same person just a little wiser and stronger now
I hope you have gotten some sleep and wake feeling better in yourself.
Let us know how you get on
Mel xxx0 -
Hi
Sorry to hear that you have that fear that we all have when our doctors need to discuss results with us. I have everything crossed for you that your results will be fine and you need nothing more than some antibiotics. The doctors need to be more sensitive to the needs of patients and squeeze you in earlier
I don't think the fear of recurrence ever leaves. I have been " normal " and back at work for over a year now and it still haunts me. I have lesions on a kidney that are constantly monitored by a urologist and my onco and now two rib fractures that will be rescanned etc next month.
My work colleagues let me slip straight back into full time work as a preschool teacher but some are awkward talking to me and especially if I make a joke about my missing boobs. I remind them I'm still the same person just a little wiser and stronger now
I hope you have gotten some sleep and wake feeling better in yourself.
Let us know how you get on
Mel xxx0 -
There has been a horrid cough going about in Melbourne. It took my healthy husband two months to shake it off. It feels to me like this will be ok. If it wasn't, it would have been found in one of the myriad of tests you have already been through.
Fear is the enemy. I apparently have what look like cysts on my liver. They are not worried about those so I am not going to either! When I get out of bed in the morning I put both feet together on the ground and when I stand up I am prepared for the day. Works for me.
Thinking of you
Juliexx0 -
Hi Janey, i know exactly how you feel. 6 months before i was diagnosed with breast cancer i had a ct scan which detected a tumour in my third ventrical in my brain (right in the god damn centre)! I had to have an mri and see a neurosurgeon (took 6 weeks to get in and only because i went private) I was in a real mess, funny i even said at the time to my husband, i can live without boobs, without a lung, without limbs but i cant live without a brain, i was freaking out bigtime thinking it was the end for me. Eventually I was told that its nothing to worry about, its on 2mm and it would need to get to 9mm before it caused any real problems BUT the neurosurgeon didnt think it would change in size and she said it is benign.
Anyway moving forward, i then get breast cancer and start to wonder if the two are connected but again thats just me being paraniod.
I get shut of the cancer and then a couple of days ago i get my next appointment for a brain mri scan in July this year. Never bloody ending!
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Hi Janey,
No one can understand what we go through with every little ache,pain or cough until you have been in our position.
I'm sure as Deanne said that if it was anything serious you doc would have rushed you in - it doesn't make the waiting any easier though.
Thinking of you.
Sophie xxx0 -
Hope you got some sleep, it's always the waiting isn't it? Surely the doctor would of wanted to see you sooner if it was anything serious. As for work, I dropped in to see a few people at my work a couple of weeks ago and it was awkward. I'm already nervous about my return and it's not for some months yet. I have my fingers crossed for you and sending you big hugs,
Hazel xx
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I really hope this is nothing and just a stupid cough!! I would be just the same as you. I think we all are after what we have been through.
I went back to work after only being off 6 weeks and it felt weird. After a few hours it was as if I had never left. I was like you, just wanting to slip in quietly. I get how you feel weird about the morning tea. Bless them they mean well.
Sending you a big hug.
Paula xxxx0 -
Thank you all you lovely lovely ladies. I am really lucky to have you all shaking me out of the doldrums. I know you are all probably right about it being nothing and I keep telling myself not to stress about things that are beyond my control so I should listen to myself shouldn't I.
My medical centre have given all my test results that are 'okay' all through my BC journey over the phone so I was just a bit taken aback when the receptionist said I'd need to come in. Both my attending GPs there are away until Monday and I don't want to go to another Doctor who doesn't know me. I just will have to wait and see. But in my heart of hearts I know it's all good.
I am keeping myself as busy as I can. Had Herceptin today and then went to IKEA with my sister. We were there for hours. My son sent me a text message telling us to "look for the light and you'll be guided to safety" LOL. What is it with men and their fear of IKEA? My husband shudders at the mention of the word. I only bought a picture frame! Tomorrow I'm going to tidy out my wardrobe and get rid of my old clothes. It'll be a good excuse to buy some new ones Sunday we have a family get together and Monday I'm working so I won't have time to really dwell on this.
Thank you thank you to you all for your lovely replies. You keep me level.
Love Janey xxx0 -
Thank you all you lovely lovely ladies. I am really lucky to have you all shaking me out of the doldrums. I know you are all probably right about it being nothing and I keep telling myself not to stress about things that are beyond my control so I should listen to myself shouldn't I.
My medical centre have given all my test results that are 'okay' all through my BC journey over the phone so I was just a bit taken aback when the receptionist said I'd need to come in. Both my attending GPs there are away until Monday and I don't want to go to another Doctor who doesn't know me. I just will have to wait and see. But in my heart of hearts I know it's all good.
I am keeping myself as busy as I can. Had Herceptin today and then went to IKEA with my sister. We were there for hours. My son sent me a text message telling us to "look for the light and you'll be guided to safety" LOL. What is it with men and their fear of IKEA? My husband shudders at the mention of the word. I only bought a picture frame! Tomorrow I'm going to tidy out my wardrobe and get rid of my old clothes. It'll be a good excuse to buy some new ones Sunday we have a family get together and Monday I'm working so I won't have time to really dwell on this.
Thank you thank you to you all for your lovely replies. You keep me level.
Love Janey xxx0 -
I sympathise with you having fractured ribs. I am just recovery from two cracked ribs early last December. I just simply fell over at a market. Never had a broken bone in my life. I hope they are healing and you're not in too much pain.
Janey xxx0 -
That seems a bit unfare that even if there's nothing to report on tests you have to make an appointment. I've always been given 'nothing to report' results over the phone. I guess it's a sign of the times that medical clinics don't want to be held accountable or something like that.
Love you exercise posts Robyn. Brilliant stuff.
Janey xxx0 -
Thanks for thinking of me Deanne. Yes we all know about the waiting. I should re-read my waiting poem to remind me. Glad you've joined the breast recon group too. I was the first to join after Louie created the group and it's been a godsend. I hope you get a lot of info to help you take the next step.
Janey xxx0 -
This is exactly why this journey is called a roller coaster ride I guess. I realise that this kind of niggling unease will probably be with us all and it's just part our lives now. I will just have to dust myself off again and carry on.
Janey xxx0 -
Yes fear is the enemy and I'm not going to give in to it either. I'll try your method of putting my two feet down on the ground and prepare myself for the day. I think that's a good way to start.
Janey xxx0
