Something more or different???
Has anyone else felt like this or is it just me?! I'm only 35 and perhaps feel if I don't make some changes now i will plod along semi-happy for the rest of my life. Maybe I'm just being greedy....I don't know. This whole journey just makes you reevaluate everything in life and this is where I'm at right now. I just don't know.....:(
Comments
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Hi Annie
I think your feelings could be a reflection of being a bit down and depressed - we realise how fragile life is when we get a BC diagnosis. I felt a lot like you - despite having an excellent prognosis I was very unhappy as I felt my life got turned upside down and nothing felt right anymore. I've been taking St Johns Wort which is a very effective, natural and mild, anti-anxiety/depression remedy. It took quite a while to kick in but once it did, I was able to appreciate the good things in my life without feeling like I should be doing "something else". It made me feel more settled and although my life will never be the same, I don't feel so much like it's all wrong.
Perhaps I am making no sense at all to you and your feelings are different but that's how I have dealt with my life being so disturbed. Hope this helps?
Xxx
Jeanine0 -
Hi Annie
I think your feelings could be a reflection of being a bit down and depressed - we realise how fragile life is when we get a BC diagnosis. I felt a lot like you - despite having an excellent prognosis I was very unhappy as I felt my life got turned upside down and nothing felt right anymore. I've been taking St Johns Wort which is a very effective, natural and mild, anti-anxiety/depression remedy. It took quite a while to kick in but once it did, I was able to appreciate the good things in my life without feeling like I should be doing "something else". It made me feel more settled and although my life will never be the same, I don't feel so much like it's all wrong.
Perhaps I am making no sense at all to you and your feelings are different but that's how I have dealt with my life being so disturbed. Hope this helps?
Xxx
Jeanine0 -
Thanks for your comments ladies.
Bel, I absolutely love your quotes......
We only live once and it is up to us, and our spirit of determination, and never ending hope to find new and exciting ways to be fulfilled in life.
This experience will highlight what is working and what isnt, so your emotions are normal I think!
I agree completely that the experience highlights what is working and what isn't - I think that's where I'm at right now. There is one facet of my life that definitely isn't working that I am going to try and fix. x
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Hi Kelly.....thanks for the kind words.
So I have actually not long returned from a nice long holiday in Thailand, but still feeling the same. I've pin pointed in down a little further now though and realise it is all based around problems in my relationship. Need to figure out what to do with that one!
Yes, I am on the blasted Zolidex as well as Tamoxifen - giving me the WORST hot flushes and night sweats! I'm off to see a specialist soon to see what they can do for me as it's becoming quite unbearable! Other than that though I'm all good
I'm so sorry to hear you are another young breast cancer survivor - there seems to be so many of us now
Wishing you all the very best. x
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Hi Annie,
I agree with you. I feel that I now need to live my life differently.....somehow. And not just being healthier, physically and emotionally, but that there needs to be some kind of 'shift' in the way I now move forward. I'm not as young as you (47) and do not currently have a partner (do have a 14 year old who tends to keep me on my toes!), so whatever choices I make are for me and my child.
I'm not looking to resign from my job and go and do something extreme, but there is that elusive 'something' that I have to figure out and make change.
It reminds me of when my Mum passed away in 2001 from secondary breast cancer in the liver. I was so angry that life just continued on, with little to no apparent change - when there was this gaping hole from someone who was no longer there. How could life NOT be different?
I consider my cancer diagnosis a wakeup call I guess. To put my self out there, stop existing and start living, give back to the community I live in and build the best possible life for my child and myself. I guess to be brave.
Looking your own mortality in the face sucks, but now having gone through this (7 more radiation treatments to go), it's going to make me a better person and the life I lead will be a better life. I don't have all the answers now, but to at least start THINKING differently will hopefully mean I will start acting differently and make different choices. And different things will then start to come to me.
Keep strong. xx
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HI Annie,
I just came across your post and read it with great interest, its amazing the different emotions we go through and how it effects each of us.
I had many people pose the question to me "am I going to make changes in my life"? I felt like it was expected of me, and most daunting was people assuming I would give up my job. I work for a large global corporate and have worked hard my whole life, I think people assumed I would have a sudden need to stay home!
I love my job and for me I couldn't wait to get back, to be amongst those people again, to feel the surge of doing a great job and the satisfaction at the end of the day of being productive. However, I have made changes, I will no longer put work 1st, I will holiday more withmy husband, make more time for my family and friends and I will do a large fund raiser per year, something to give back.
Whatever your choices are, let them be your own, do not be pushed by others and their judgements.
Good luck
Donna
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