Rose Coloured Glasses
Someone told me today that one of the things they love about me is my positive attitude towards life. Not that there's been a whole lot lately to be positive about. Still, I try to find something to smile about each day. I asked this friend if that was a bad thing as I am aware that I think some things are better than they actually are. She said to me "your rose coloured glasses are beautiful." A true friend:)
This all came about because I'm in the process of trying to obtain partial invalidity status through my superannuation fund. Up until last November I worked full time in a public service executive position (HR practitioner) for a high profile government agency. Since then, I haven't been able to work more than 10 hours a week since I finished chemo treatment in June 2010 because of the myriad of problems that have cropped up.
I have the medical assessment next week and my rehab case manager thinks it's very unlikely they'll say no especially as she's read the specialists reports. I have too and boy let me tell you, nothing prepares you for someone else's assessment of how your life looks after all the complications arose (due in part to an auto immune disease I was diagnosed with 3 years ago, but that up until 6 months ago, never gave me much trouble at all.)
No doubt things have been challenging and most days I have just enough strength to get through what absolutely needs to get done for my large family. But when I think about the next 12 months to 3 years, and come to the realisation through the doctor reports that I may in fact still be in in the same place I'm in right now, it's sobering and to be honest, a little depressing. I've always been such an active, on-the-go lady - now I have to change the way I do things. Not a bad thing, but also not easy. The medical profession don't warn you about this when you are embarking on surgery and treatment - I understand why, but maybe they should.
When I was first diagnosed with breast cancer, a very sweet elderly lady came to see me in the hospital after surgery. She told me that breast cancer is definitely a physical challenge, but the biggest challenge will be what it does to you mentally. She was so right....so, while I continue to ponder my future and continue to thank God for my wonderful blessings (and for breath and a heart beat today) I will put my 'rose coloured glasses' back on and enjoy the beautiful sunshine we are experiencing in Canberra today.