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FranP's avatar
FranP
Member
14 years ago

in my face again

Hi all well it's been a while since i wrote a blog, firstly to everyone that has been asking about Daryl he is still on the mend is still having hassles with missing heart beats,so his cardiologist will review his medication and see if that helps.so fingers crossed it has been worrying him and he isnt 100% yet.

plus i found out just the other day via a friends son that a girlfriend of mine that i have known for over thirty years was diagnosed with cancer we had a bad fall out a few years back and we haven't talked she had really hurt me and i felt betrayed, 

when i heard she had cancer it really upset me and i wasnt sure what to do , so i asked a person that i know she still visits (but was part of the cause of the fall out ) how my friend was she verbally abused me said my  friend doesn't need me, and only her true friends are there for her and if i must know she is very very sick..

i got upset and told her off and said she was my friend well before she was on the scene and if she hadn't butted in  we would still have been friends they had both been cruel, and when i had cancer she wasn't there for me at all . but i am not like that . i ended up ringing and it was bloody hard i told her it was me and we talked for an hour, she was naturally upset and said she now understood how it must have been for Daryl and I ,,, i told her i wouldnt wish this on any one and i m sorry it took this for us to talk again she said we were always friends just things got in the way. i did tell her what the other person said and she said forget it we are friends and she was so glad i called i means alot . she is 60 this year and has ovarian cancer that has spread to her lymphnodes and bowel, she comences chemo tomorrow 20th . her prognosise isnt great but she is really possitive and isnt going to give in easy. i hope to visit her this weekend if she is okay after her chemo. it was strange to ring after the last 5 years but i still feel close to her. and as to the other woman , i feel nothing towards her no feelings what so ever. i just couldnt believe that a human could be so cruel and evil to another person. 

10 Replies

  • LeanneI's avatar
    LeanneI
    Member
    14 years ago

    HI Fran - thanks so much for sharing your experience. Life is too short to hang on to old stuff - especially when situations change.

    I think our BC journey gives us such a shared empathy with others that allows us to reach out sometimes no matter what.

    I too have a friend that didn't contact me once while i was having my "journey" and i had so many others in my world that it didn't stress me. Bothered my mother more than it did me - she knew how much support our family had been to her over many years!  

    But she was diagnosed with BC a couple of months ago and had bilateral mastectomy - she rang me one day to not talk about her own BC but to apologise for not being there for me when I was going through it. We talked for ages and i did let her know that i was disappointed at the time but that I understood her not knowing what to say or do.

    We all deal with things differently and sometimes think we are doing the right thing and only when we are in the actual shoes do we have the opportunity to reflect.

    Again - good on you for making the move.

    Leanne

     

  • Leonie_Moore's avatar
    Leonie_Moore
    Member
    14 years ago

    I am going really well.  Am up for my first mammo and ultrasound since Dec 2010 diagnosis.  We are moving house so I have found lots of energy to get through the challenge.  We are going on a week's holiday when it is all over and this house is on the market.  Hubby still has DVT - just had more exploratory tests done yesterday to try and find out why the DVTs keep happening.  He had a colonscopy and gastroscopy - still cranky as ever.  I would have thought he would have got "all the sh....off his liver" with the cleanout!!!!!  He hates change and is finding the move a bit of a challenge.  Once he is "in" he will be back to himself again (fingers crosed) XLeonie

  • Leonie_Moore's avatar
    Leonie_Moore
    Member
    14 years ago

    I am going really well.  Am up for my first mammo and ultrasound since Dec 2010 diagnosis.  We are moving house so I have found lots of energy to get through the challenge.  We are going on a week's holiday when it is all over and this house is on the market.  Hubby still has DVT - just had more exploratory tests done yesterday to try and find out why the DVTs keep happening.  He had a colonscopy and gastroscopy - still cranky as ever.  I would have thought he would have got "all the sh....off his liver" with the cleanout!!!!!  He hates change and is finding the move a bit of a challenge.  Once he is "in" he will be back to himself again (fingers crosed) XLeonie

  • Leonie_Moore's avatar
    Leonie_Moore
    Member
    14 years ago

    Good on you Fran.  I find that people who haven't been where we have just don't "get it".  I am so proud of you.  I am even going to speak to my ex husband's stupid partner when I go to the netball reunion in June.  It will be 30 years since I have seen some of the ladies and I am not going to let this stupid embicile get in my way of enjoyment.(it's been 26 years since they "run off" together and made my life a misery - I now thank them as I have gone on and on to "find my real self")  If my ex husband turns up at the dinner I might even talk to him.  What have we got to lose.  Just do it I say.  I bet you feel so much better for "putting your neck on the chopping block".  I have missed you Fran and wondered how Darryl was.  Thanks for the update. XLeonie

  • FranP's avatar
    FranP
    Member
    14 years ago

    Thanks maria that means alot and the hug was needed. 

  • Maria333's avatar
    Maria333
    Member
    14 years ago

    Hey Fran, Just wanted to give you a hug, wow  5 years. Good on you for making the first move.

    Maria333

  • FranP's avatar
    FranP
    Member
    14 years ago

    Thanks Sarah. that means alot , Heather starts chemo tomorrow so i will be with her in spirit and if she is well enough i will visit on sunday. will be strange but i am glad we have made up, and as to the other woman that is causing shit . i don't care life is to short  so i will pretend she isnt here..

  • Sarah_51's avatar
    Sarah_51
    Member
    14 years ago

    Hi Fran

    Well done on confronting something which is hard to do. I fell out with a good friend many years back (over a man of course) and it was a good 2 years until one day I couldn't stand not talking to her any longer and rang her. She was going through a bad time with her now ex-husband and had chosen me to be her whipping boy ! If we hadn't talked she wouldn't be such a great friend now. Although we only see each other once a year (she's in UK) she was great during my breast cancer and we met up last year in Thailand and had an awesome 10days together with our hubbies. it's hard that you are seeing her at such a challenging time for her but great you have made the move well done and enjoy all the time together you can.

    Love Sarah x

  • Sarah_51's avatar
    Sarah_51
    Member
    14 years ago

    Hi Fran

    Well done on confronting something which is hard to do. I fell out with a good friend many years back (over a man of course) and it was a good 2 years until one day I couldn't stand not talking to her any longer and rang her. She was going through a bad time with her now ex-husband and had chosen me to be her whipping boy ! If we hadn't talked she wouldn't be such a great friend now. Although we only see each other once a year (she's in UK) she was great during my breast cancer and we met up last year in Thailand and had an awesome 10days together with our hubbies. it's hard that you are seeing her at such a challenging time for her but great you have made the move well done and enjoy all the time together you can.

    Love Sarah x

  • Sarah_51's avatar
    Sarah_51
    Member
    14 years ago

    Hi Fran

    Well done on confronting something which is hard to do. I fell out with a good friend many years back (over a man of course) and it was a good 2 years until one day I couldn't stand not talking to her any longer and rang her. She was going through a bad time with her now ex-husband and had chosen me to be her whipping boy ! If we hadn't talked she wouldn't be such a great friend now. Although we only see each other once a year (she's in UK) she was great during my breast cancer and we met up last year in Thailand and had an awesome 10days together with our hubbies. it's hard that you are seeing her at such a challenging time for her but great you have made the move well done and enjoy all the time together you can.

    Love Sarah x