My daughter is getting married on 8th April

Just thought I would relay my story.  Back in 2006 when I was first diagnosed at age 50, I initially went to pieces.  I went straight to see a work collegue who is a friend then I went home and told my partner.  We cried all night.  All the media was portraying at that time was negative negative negative.  When I woke up in the morning I thought "I don't like feeling like this" and at that moment I decided that I was not going to lie down and take this.  I have two daughters.  The elder one who was living in Melbourne at that time was trying desperately hard to have a baby.  She had lost a couple due to miscarriage.  All pregnancies had resulted through IVF.  The other daughter was living in Brisbane and trying to get her life back in order after a terrible romantic break-up.  I have 4 sisters who live from Melbourne to Townsville.  It is a little bit of a blur for me to remember as there has lots happened since then.  My partner and I got married (were together 9.5 years) one year after my diagnosis, my daughter was pregnant at our wedding and has gone on to have two beautiful children.  I nursed my mother through Dementia until her death nearly 2 years ago.  Then I have been diagnosed for a second time in December 2010.  Anyway back to the first diagnosis.  Once I had decided to "fight this mongrel disease" I knew I had to tell my sisters.  We are really close so it wasn't too hard.  I started with the eldest one and went "down the line".  I told my dear friend (who is like a second mother) my future mother-in-law.  I kept avoiding telling my girls.  I didn't want to hurt them.  How could I inflict this on them?  My partner kept saying "they need to know".  It was a really hard thing to do but I did it.  The only thing about the conversation that I can remember at this moment is that they were really disappointed to think that I "held back" the information from them.  They wanted to help "get me through" this horrible situation.  I had to go to Brisbane (8 hours by road) and be away from home for 7 weeks to have radiation.  Every member of my family arranged to stay with me for a week at a time so that I was never alone.  Stepping back a little.  When I was first diagnosed, my younger daughter "took the reigns" and decided that she would be the messenger.  She said that it would take too much out of me to answer everyone's questions.  So she was the communicator.  This was wonderful for me.  She was by my side when I had surgery and had taken time to put together a family album so that I had everyone with me at all times when I was in the hospital.  Writing this and remembering back is bringing me to tears.  What I am trying to say is:  If you are close to your children especially your daughter, please share your problem with them.  You have always been there for them and as with my girls they just wanted to be there for me.  Just be honest with them.  Yes you look well. (I felt like a fraud after my surgery and recovery as I too felt well) but things are happening to your body and you need to nuture it.  The best advice that I could give you would be to STOP - Life is now changing for you - just go with the flow.  Do you have a surgery date?  Can it be put off until after the wedding?  I was diagnosed on 21st September 2006 and my nephew was getting married in Melbourne - I think it was about the 30th Sept. I asked the surgeon if it would be okay to delay the second round of surgery (to clear the margins).  He said it would be quite okay and was very relaxed about this decision.  I never put off going to this wedding.  I saw it as a great opportunity to be with family.  I had a fanastic time and from the photos there is no evidence of what was to come. I can see you standing very proud next to your beautiful daughter on her wedding day.  You are smiling and looking beautiful.  You deserve to be able to enjoy this happy event.  Speak to your daughter as soon as possible so that the initial "shock" will be over and out of the way so that you will all be able to enjoy this happy day together.   BC can wait!!!!!  My best wishes to you.  I will request you as a friend so that I get to see some of those happy pics from the wedding.  XLeonie

Just thought I would relay my story.  Back in 2006 when I was first diagnosed at age 50, I initially went to pieces.  I went straight to see a work collegue who is a friend then I went home and told my partner.  We cried all night.  All the media was portraying at that time was negative negative negative.  When I woke up in the morning I thought "I don't like feeling like this" and at that moment I decided that I was not going to lie down and take this.  I have two daughters.  The elder one who was living in Melbourne at that time was trying desperately hard to have a baby.  She had lost a couple due to miscarriage.  All pregnancies had resulted through IVF.  The other daughter was living in Brisbane and trying to get her life back in order after a terrible romantic break-up.  I have 4 sisters who live from Melbourne to Townsville.  It is a little bit of a blur for me to remember as there has lots happened since then.  My partner and I got married (were together 9.5 years) one year after my diagnosis, my daughter was pregnant at our wedding and has gone on to have two beautiful children.  I nursed my mother through Dementia until her death nearly 2 years ago.  Then I have been diagnosed for a second time in December 2010.  Anyway back to the first diagnosis.  Once I had decided to "fight this mongrel disease" I knew I had to tell my sisters.  We are really close so it wasn't too hard.  I started with the eldest one and went "down the line".  I told my dear friend (who is like a second mother) my future mother-in-law.  I kept avoiding telling my girls.  I didn't want to hurt them.  How could I inflict this on them?  My partner kept saying "they need to know".  It was a really hard thing to do but I did it.  The only thing about the conversation that I can remember at this moment is that they were really disappointed to think that I "held back" the information from them.  They wanted to help "get me through" this horrible situation.  I had to go to Brisbane (8 hours by road) and be away from home for 7 weeks to have radiation.  Every member of my family arranged to stay with me for a week at a time so that I was never alone.  Stepping back a little.  When I was first diagnosed, my younger daughter "took the reigns" and decided that she would be the messenger.  She said that it would take too much out of me to answer everyone's questions.  So she was the communicator.  This was wonderful for me.  She was by my side when I had surgery and had taken time to put together a family album so that I had everyone with me at all times when I was in the hospital.  Writing this and remembering back is bringing me to tears.  What I am trying to say is:  If you are close to your children especially your daughter, please share your problem with them.  You have always been there for them and as with my girls they just wanted to be there for me.  Just be honest with them.  Yes you look well. (I felt like a fraud after my surgery and recovery as I too felt well) but things are happening to your body and you need to nuture it.  The best advice that I could give you would be to STOP - Life is now changing for you - just go with the flow.  Do you have a surgery date?  Can it be put off until after the wedding?  I was diagnosed on 21st September 2006 and my nephew was getting married in Melbourne - I think it was about the 30th Sept. I asked the surgeon if it would be okay to delay the second round of surgery (to clear the margins).  He said it would be quite okay and was very relaxed about this decision.  I never put off going to this wedding.  I saw it as a great opportunity to be with family.  I had a fanastic time and from the photos there is no evidence of what was to come. I can see you standing very proud next to your beautiful daughter on her wedding day.  You are smiling and looking beautiful.  You deserve to be able to enjoy this happy event.  Speak to your daughter as soon as possible so that the initial "shock" will be over and out of the way so that you will all be able to enjoy this happy day together.   BC can wait!!!!!  My best wishes to you.  I will request you as a friend so that I get to see some of those happy pics from the wedding.  XLeonie

Hi Alison -- just wanted to say hi, and welcome to the network. :)  I hope sharing on here helps -- your own situation is unique to you, but sometimes it helps hearing what other people have done, doesn't it?

Jump in and post as often as you like, and if you need a hand finding your way around, just ask. :)

Di

Hi Alison

That was one of the hardest things for me to have to do is tell my kids - mine are only 13 & 11.  When i was first diagnosied in 1998 I didn't tell them what was going on and said that i need an operation, but someone told my son at school - and he was beside himself because of all the media he had heard about bc - so this time round i have been total upfront with them.  Its best you tell them before someone else does.  I'm sure your children will be pleased to know so they can help you out in anyway.  Hope the wedding goes well

Debbie

On the other hand, I have already met amazing, supportive people who make me feel totally blessed. I'm scared about seeing my children next week and telling them what is happening to me.  I don't want to cause them pain and angst, but know that I will.  I also know that we will get through this.

Om shanti

Alison