How should I feel

scram

I am writing this down here in a hope it will make me feel better.
in the past three months I have gone from: -gym five times a week, long walks, gardening, maintaining home, caring to elderly parents, supporting children and grand children, and being a good friend. I like to keep busy, it makes me feel good.
TO :- annoying cording and numbness, still sore boob, chemo effects, lymphoedema (not bad), lack of energy and worst of all saying good bye to my Mum and organising her funeral (siblings can be arseholes),

TODAY I had a port put in, everyone was super nice and caring but it was daunting and I felt so very vulnerable.  It’s everyday business for these professionals, I get that however, I really just didn’t want to be there and felt like a number. 

I have gone from fit healthy and happy to diagnosis and feeling completely vulnerable and unwell. It really sucks.  Whilst managing legal issues for Mum and supporting Dad. 

Someday it just feels too hard, but I do put on my happy face and say it’s cool, I’ve got this.
i know this will get better one day, I am having counselling, I am not looking for sympathy, I just need a safe space to say that this totally sucks. 

Thanks

Blossom1961

@scram. Wow, your plate was already full and overflowing before the diagnosis. It is very hard to slow down and start thinking of your own needs. Sometimes we need to advocate for ourselves in the medical environment which is difficult when we don’t understand ourselves what is happening. The port will make things much easier for your treatment and much less painful. I put emla cream on my port site one hour before my treatment and do not even feel the needle for treatment. Take some time for you now even if that means you have to accept outside help. You are important and it is time to realise that meeting your needs is vital for you to continue doing what you cannot pass on. Sending big hugs.

scram

Blossom 1961 - thanks, you are right, I need to set boundaries and ask for help. Will definitely try the Elma cream. Thanks 

arpie

So sorry you're having a 'sad' day @scram xx. Big hugs - you've had a hard year. xx. Condolences on the loss of your Mum xx 

To be honest, I think most of us have 'sad days' now & then - it isn't self pitying ... it is just grieving for 'who we used to be' before we got onto this 'illness treadmill'.  Feel free to vent here xx

Your fitness will hold you in good stead ....try & maintain what you can, without overdoing it .... 

Please ring the helpline tomorrow and have a private chat xxx. I think just talking to someone will help you xx

take care & all the best xx

FLClover

It does suck. It also gets better, but when it sucks, it sucks. Big hugs 🫂. 

Alfie

Firstly, acknowledge it is crap... It's all crap... We all have days like this.

Look at what you have been through.
Your mum died, organising stuff. Be kind to yourself.

The port is good, I only have 3 more cycles of chemo left. Yes put the numbing cream on an hour before treatment.

Energy, well that comes and goes... We have lost control of our lives.... For now.... It will return.
Big hug.

jennyss

Dear @scram,

from jennyss in Western NSW

Locksley

Dear @scram you are totally in a safe space to vent.  You have so much on your plate if you dont let it out you will explode.   You can ask your gp for an epc care plan and get some visits to a counsellor to help support you.    

I'm sorry for the loss of your Mum.  If you have friends around you that offer help please accept it.   Its OK to say I need some help.  

The port will make chemo treatment a little easier.  Yes put the numbing cream on 30 mins to 60 mins before.   I put the cream on before treatment, I would still feel the needle a little but it did help.