Annual change of profile information

Josie13 Member Posts: 79
edited February 2012 in General discussion

Hey! Just changed my age from 54 to 55 due to recent birthday. I am always so happy when another year ticks over, none of that mourning youth rubbish for me. I'm just totally rapt to still be here after 12 years on the BC rollercoaster and I always tell me people we should all regard getting older as  gift. When I see elderly folk at the shops I'm always thinking I hope I get to be like that!! Interested to know how others feel about this. The only thing I get teary about is will i get to see my children get happily married and settled in life. Bridal magazines can set me off. Just one thing in life I don't want to miss.

Do any of you talk about with your partner what your partner will do when your gone? Mine won't go it denial or positivity? I think about it as my father didn't behave too well when my mother dies from BC and it weighs on my mind.

Interested to hear from others on this topic?


  • MandaMoo
    MandaMoo Member Posts: 500
    edited March 2015

    I can relate to all those things you say.  I get teary when I hear a baby cry as I think of how I would love to hold a granchild (my children are only 5,7 and 10).  I look at the old people at the shops and think about how I am very unlikely to be like that, enjoying coffee with my kids and grandkids.  I look at the kids finishing school and wonder...  I burst into tears the other day with some friends as they discussed their daughters getting their periods because I wondered how on earth my husband was going to teach her how to use a tampon let alone discuss contraception and sex and buying bras.

    I often think about life for my kids and husband once I am gone and it makes me sad - I know they will be fine but altered because of our experience with cancer, I just want to be there with them.  It also makes me a little envious at times to think of them enjoying all those things like weddings, babies and grandchildren and possibly a step mother.  I don't begrudge my family getting on with life once I die.  I want that with all of my heart but the crux of it is, I'm not ready to go yet. My husband too won't talk about it.  He knows clearly how I feel about him repartnering and that is that I am all for it.  I couldn't bear him being lonely.

    Today I swam at the beach - I wondered not only if it would be the last swim of summer or my last swim ever - crazy?  Maybe, but I soaked up every moment, I watched the water glisten and ripple over my skin, I watched my son laugh as the wave tossed him under, I still got a little cranky when my daughter threw sand on me. 

    I think we all have moments like this when we are dealing with secondary cancer.  I sometimes wish I was more in denial.  Josie - maybe talking to someone else who is comfortable with it will help - then at least you are talking about it and that may help you. 

    Congrats on making a yearly profile change - here's to marking another one next year!

    Amanda xx