Tempered Conversations

BlackWidow

Whilst I thoroughly agree that this is a terrible time in our lives I sometimes read posts and wish ladies would read and re-read their posts before hitting the button.  Think how you were feeling at the beginning - is what you are saying really what you wanted to hear just then and is it expressed in a gentle manner ?  Yes, we need to be honest but please think about the terminology and how it would seem to others coming behind you.  You don't know how the person is feeling, you don't know their circumstances (personal or financial) and you don't know how what you are saying may be sufficient to drive the end of their life.  Please be kind. Anne

AllyJay

Indeed....I recall some time ago, a new member was advised by another member to get off this site any any other which was reinforcing her "woe is me" attitude. Most unkind.

Keeping_positive1

It is awful when you think about it, because we are all in a similar boat, although some have a bigger boat and more resources to keep afloat!  I hear you @BlackWidow

ddon

During the first few weeks of shock and fear I found the kind and settling voices on here were so reassuring. Problem is, there are always other threads going on that terrify us BUT we have to choose to not read those if we are in a fragile place. This isn’t a site just for the new; it’s also for those in the middle of tough treatment, and those who are weary survivors, and those who are struggling with secondary cancer. Venting to others who understand us is vital at times. We have to choose what to read and what to leave well alone for our mental health. 

Always with kindness and empathy. We are (mostly) women together with all our hopes, fears and often grief. 

FLClover

During one of my recent sessions with my psychologist, she asked what was triggering the return of my fear, cos I had told her I was mostly fine except for triggers here and there. I told her going on the forum and reading about scary situations triggered it, as it emphasised how serious this whole thing is and made it too real sometimes. So she suggested I stay off the forum for a while, or at least limit my time on it and choose what I read. I knew I couldn’t stay off it for too long, so instead I decided to be careful with what I read. As @ddon said, this site is for all women and men, at all stages of their bc ride. It contains such comprehensive information, that you really do need to take it step by step and be very selective with what you read. Also, we are not psychologists who have been trained in what to say, and when and how. We just share what we know in our way. I doubt any of the women here would ever be intentionally hurtful or inconsiderate. We are adults, and have the right to question, even in our most difficult and terrifying moments, if something doesn’t seem right and to politely clear up misunderstandings with others.
I hope everything is ok with you ♥️ 

MicheleR

This forum might be the only safe place some people have to vent. Unfortunately the written word can be interpreted a few ways. 

All of breast cancer is scary, beginning middle and long term care. Sometimes i come on here to see if what im experiencing is normal and will comment if what im experiencing is similar. I avoid commenting if there are already a good amount of comments or i cant think of how to phrase that doesnt add anything.

I avoid some topics which scare the willies out of me. I think some of the "thrivers" strike an amazing balance being reassuring and positive. Its not all rainbows for people however. I would hate to think anything ive written was offensive or scary to others. Would someone tell you? 

Sister

It's hard to know what will be vital information to one person but terrifying to another.  What is venting to someone may be reassuring to someone else that they feel the same way.  I do agree that we need to try to be considerate but at the same time, allow honesty.  I understand that some of the things that I have posted may be upsetting or confronting but it's never meant with malice, rather that this is the one place where I will be understood even if not agreed with.

Giovanna_BCNA

Thank you everyone for your comments. 

As we have always maintained the online forum is a safe and inclusive space for all Australians affected by breast cancer to find information and support and connection with others in the shared experience.  In order to make this a safe and welcoming space for everyone, we have a few basic Community
Guidelines which I encourage all our members to read and have included in the last few Friday updates.

We encourage all members to be pleasant and to treat others with respect, as you would like to be treated yourself.  To own your own words and to read your post before posting.  We acknowledge that you may not like everything you see or read and that everyone participates differently.  You are welcome to disagree with others provided your tone is respectful.  Whilst we will manage any posts that breach community guidelines, you may still find posts that you are uncomfortable with.  Choose not to view these posts.

Its coming up to Christmas and we understand that Christmas can be a particularly tough time. Emotions can run high and we can react to things that we would normally brush off. The online network has proven to be a fabulous place of support over the Christmas period and can be a great place to vent about some of the challenges of the holidays.

Please be mindful of everyone’s need for a little extra support during this time and the importance of the community as a reprieve from day to day life. This may mean sometimes having to bite your tongue and letting some things go. This can be hard at times but important in protecting this space as a bit of a sanctuary.

Thank you all for your understanding.