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First time I have cried

MisseMooksMisseMooks Member Posts: 10
edited January 2020 in Newly diagnosed
Hi Everyone 

I was diagnosed with HER2 Positive Breast Cancer a month ago ... some minor tears while having an appointment with my surgeon, but nothing significant in the way of tears until today ..

I had my first chemo session Thursday , 09/1/20 , manged to get through the worst 2 days, Saturday and Sunday , no tears ..but today reality set in and I cant stop crying.

I have no family here and I cant help but feel, if I had family living with me, this breast cancer journey would be easier..I dont know 

Friends have been wonderful and I feel grateful that they have been here for me and will be there for me in my journey...

Im scared to be alone with what I think and feel. Being alone with my side affects frighten me, there's no one here to lean on for just a hug or to say , it will all be ok 

I dont want to become a burden on my friends and I cant expect them to move in with me , they have lives of their own that they need to continue with ..and I understand that ..

Would love to hear from people who have lived on their own and how you have managed with your own person journey?

Im open to listening to everyones comments and trying things out to make living alone with Breast Cancer not so scary 

Miss E   


  • LMK74LMK74 BrisbaneMember Posts: 795
    Hi @MisseMooks, welcome to the club no one wants to be in. Sorry you find yourself here. It's understandable how you feel and normal. Whenever your scared alone with your thoughts please come here and someone will always reply.
    Hugs Lisa 
  • MisseMooksMisseMooks Member Posts: 10
    Luv that hug !! Thank you !
  • AfraserAfraser MelbourneMember Posts: 3,418
    Dear Miss E

    I haven’t had the same experience of treatment without some family support but a cancer diagnosis frequently brings with it a rash of fears and uncertainties. Some of those are caused by the diagnosis itself, some by treatment and some are unanswered or unasked questions from life before diagnosis. And they can all crowd in when you are at your most vulnerable. So take things slowly and one at a time. Don’t try and sort your world on bad chemo days. Writing can sometimes help (never underestimate the therapeutic value of talking to yourself!). Releasing some of your feelings on paper can help you face them. But slowly. Let your friends take you away from it all sometimes - a day out, a funny film, whatever works for you at the time. As you get better accustomed to the idea of your diagnosis and your treatment, you will find yourself better equipped to deal with your fears and uncertainties. Cancer is not anyone’s chosen path to greater self knowledge and confidence, but little by little it can happen. Take one day at a time. Best wishes. 
  • LMK74LMK74 BrisbaneMember Posts: 795
    You're welcome and you can have all the hugs here from everyone. I'm single and live with my schizophrenia brother who was not much help. I understand feeling so scared and wondering what side effects you will get. After my first chemo I went home and was petrified I wouldn't wake up the next morning. Usually how the first chemo goes is how they will follow.  Tell your team right away if meds are not working as they can be tweaked and changed. One day at a time lovely. 
  • MisseMooksMisseMooks Member Posts: 10
    Thank you for those wise words ... very helpful 

  • arpiearpie Mid North Coast, NSWMember Posts: 4,625
    edited January 2020
    SO sorry to see you here @MisseMooks - it is really tough when you don’t have family and friends around you when facing this treatment. :( 

    Were are you assigned a Breast Care Nurse? They can be invaluable in interpreting the ‘surgeon speak’ into something you can understand. The nurses at the chemo clinic are amazing also ... so if you have any questions, ask them as well.

    Failing that, ring the help line here ..... 1800 500 258 .... 

    Where abouts are you living? (Twin or city?) We May have members nearby who can put you onto suitable services that may help you.  

    Big hugs coming your way xxx take care xx
  • MisseMooksMisseMooks Member Posts: 10
    Spot on LMK74, Im petrified !!can 
    I also suffer from anxiety so as you can imagine , Ive been in panic mode since the first chemo session .. At the moment everything is hightened senses, feelings etc 
    I have been on the anxiety train all my life and and finally felt I had a good grip on how to manage the anxiety ..via mindfullness .. now..life has decided my next challenge is BC.
    Ive been in touch with team and they will look at the Dexamethasone and anti nausea meds as these can increase anxiety . 
    I suspect that as I go down this journey, my mindfullness techniques will be eccelerated hopefully to a point where I can at least accept BC rather than resist it .     

    Thank you for your supportive words, they are greatly appreciated   

  • LMK74LMK74 BrisbaneMember Posts: 795
    Yep I get it. Ditto anxiety. Have also battled with it most of my life. At times to the point of not leaving my house for days. It totally sucks. I promise it will get better as you settle into a routine and know what to expect. I hope your first chemo wasn't to bad.
  • MisseMooksMisseMooks Member Posts: 10
    Hi Arpie,
    Thanks for reaching out !
    Im in Eastern Suburbs of Melbourne Vic..appreciate any services you can recommend :)

  • MisseMooksMisseMooks Member Posts: 10
    Hey LMK74..first chemo wasnt pretty to say the least. Fatigue and nausea got to me in the end and today I just felt in a bit of a heap   .. the positives were no vomitting or the runs ...
  • PV123PV123 Member Posts: 200
    Hi Miss E
    Lots of hugs to you, remember you are not alone.  Everyone in this network is with you.  I have also suffered from anxiety and panic attacks at different points in my life.  When I was diagnosed one of my friends suggested tapping.  I now use this every time I am stressed.  
  • Claudia7477Claudia7477 Member Posts: 2
    Hi Miss E,
    Sometimes words aren't quite right.  I had the same cancer you do.  It was the most surreal experience.  I feel for you being without family, but your friends are there as are we!  One step at a time, one treatment at a time.  Think of it like a mountain your climbing.  And if you feel alone, reach out to us.  Huge hugs and remember, you are not alone.  
  • kmakmkmakm MelbourneMember Posts: 7,961
    edited January 2020
    Hey Miss E, you lean on US. That's what this website's for. Breast cancer is isolating and lonely at the best of times, let alone when you have no family with you.

    There are lots of services available, and support. The Look Good Feel Better foundation is great fun, and I found it surprisingly comforting. There is comfort on meeting people on the same road as you. Plus you get some fab free make-up!


    The Think Pink Foundation (in Docklands) is excellent. It provides all sorts of free services and workshops to people with breast cancer. They're really nice and kind there with a breast care nurse on staff.


    I am in the outer-east of Melbourne @MisseMooks. Would you like to meet for a cuppa one day? I'll DM you.

    We can't solve your living situation but we can be with you every step of the way. We've got you. Big hug, K xox
  • primekprimek Broken HillMember Posts: 5,407
    Tell your friends you are scared to be alone. I remember my first chemo. My husband there when I had it. Sister in afternoon but husband worked late, I felt weird and scared, and even though I have older boys I wouldn't tell them that. I was really frightened and ended up ringing him to come home. 
    I told my sister though, she is more friend than sister and she spent so much time with me. She wanted to. She felt helpless and it at least gave her a job. She dragged me out for cuppas. She took me for bloods. We went to pool in safe time.

    Friends, true friends want to help. Please tell them. Their decision or offer is due to the love for you. It's not forever. Just for now. 
  • Keeping_positive1Keeping_positive1 Member Posts: 122
    edited January 2020
    I live on my own, and went through 18 months of active treatment.  I can understand your concern about being alone, it feels like it will be forever at first and can be very scary to have to deal with everything on your own.  Most here will tell you that the first chemo treatment is the worst in terms of not knowing what to expect.  You are over that hurdle! :)

    Do you have someone taking you to your chemo treatments?  My main concern was having a friend take me to chemo and bring me home again.  Everything else I did for myself, surprisingly I could keep my household going on my own albeit not as pristine as I would like, but who cares. If I couldn't and needed help, that is ok also, no rules and no medals given out on this "journey", so do what is good for you and your health. 

    I was very scared when they mentioned the cumulative effects of chemo, and I had visions of myself not being able to keep doing things for myself, but I just took a day at a time.  I got through, but had a backup plan and had a bedroom set up for a friend to stay overnight if needed.  I didn't need it, but I also at times felt sorry for myself, because it was tough going.

    Can I tell you, when you finish your treatment and look back you will amaze yourself at how strong you are.  Jump on the forum anytime you need to vent, share or inform.  Best wishes for your continuing treatment.
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