trying so hard to be 'fine' ahead of radiation
Hi Everyone - I've been in and out of the forum for the last 6 months trying to keep my discussions focused on treatment. But I need to just let things out - I had a major panic attack on Sunday that took a lot out of me. At the centre of it all was a lack of feeling safe (emotionally mainly) with old traumas & stressful situations all coming flooding back. I've finished my chemo, had my surgery & am cleared to start radiation next week. I should be happy that I've had such positive results so far, but there is part of me that is afraid. There has been a lot on my plate work & family wise and I believe this is why the panic attack came on so strong as I've been trying to be 'strong & ok' for a long time. I'm struggling with finding ways to be positive about my situation & feel guilty for not doing so. As I'm sitting at home on my own a lot & not 'busy (i.e. distracted)' again yet with treatment I've got too much time to think. I'm scared of what the future brings & whether it will be 'rosy & fullfilling' or just more of the grind & stress that I've faced in the last few years, which I fully believe contributed to my breast cancer. I wonder if anyone else has felt like this? Thanks in advance.
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