Not just BC

Silverlining

Hi all,
When I was first diagnosed with BC last October, I made the decision to look for the smallest silver linings in each day to help me get through the overwhelming challenges I have to face in 2018.....6 months of chemo, surgery, 12 weeks of radiation, hormone treatments. Add to that, a 13 year old son with autism who completes school via distance education and a daughter starting university.  Ive been really struggling in the last two weeks to find any silver linings.  The tears are flowing, I feel so out of control and can’t imagine how I’ll get through it all.  I’ve read so many of your posts in the past months which have helped to ease my never ending fears. Just needed to reach out to you all and not feel so isolated.  You are all my silver lining for today.

Sunshine0206

Hey, 

I get you. As if life isn’t hard enough without the shit bomb of cancer exploding in our lives.

The silver linings are the good of the people around you and a realisation of  your own inner strength. 

I am on the down hill run of chemo followed by radiation. 

X

onemargie

It can be a “shit bomb”  (as @Summerhill38 likes to call it) that leaves you feeling like you are covered in a massive pile of it . There’s never a “good time” to get breast cancer is there but rest assured love you can and will climb through the massive pile of toxic waste and hose yourself off stand back up and you will know that you have well and truly kicked the arse hole that breast cancer is in the fucking balls and leave it lying where it belongs,  in the massive pile of shit you will crawl out of.  Do you have any family or friends or a partner for support? Can someone help you with the home schooling? Perhaps someone from the school can help you with that? Don’t be afraid to ask for help if you need it or take help from others if they offer.  And I’m sure you daughter will do great they all find there feet on their own she will be strong and  indeoemdant don’t worry.  Where abouts do you live? Is there a local support group near you at all? Or do you have a breast care nurse to help you source this info ? There are so many challenges in life and breast cancer is one that none of us need nor want and you have to put your big girl pants on and grow a big set of hairy balls to get through it that’s for sure but there are times when we all just want to have a melt down tell everyone and everything to fuck off as well,  but once you’ve done that you feel between your legs that your big hairy balls are still there and ready to smack bc in the face and then you pull your big girl undies back on and away you go again. It’s ok to feel the way you are but you will get through it and we on this forum will all be here holding your hand. Biggest hug. Margie xx 

Deanne

Hello @Silverlining
When I was diagnosed I had one daughter who had just started Uni and another who had suffered all her life from crippling anxiety (she completed school through distance ed also). There were lots of issues in addition to this too! It was overwheming if I thought about ‘everything’ and how we would all get through it.

But the advice I received from others on here was to take it one step at a time. Just breathe, they said, and do what you have to do to get through the next day or even just the next hour sometimes. When you think about it that is all you CAN do. One step, one hour, one day, one week, one chemo, one radiation treatment at a time.

I had a mastectomy, 6 months chemo and then radiation. It was difficult. In the last week of radio we even moved house. But one way or another it all got done, maybe not how I would have preferred but we all made it through, helping each other. I learned to let others help. My daughter who had such terrible anxiety came through with flying colours. Afterwards she was incredibly helpful during my recovery. Both my daughters are doing really well now and I think our experience has actually helped them to get to where they are now.

That was 5 years ago. I am well, still on hormone treatment, and life is pretty good most of the time. I could never have imagined how different (and in many ways, actually better) life is now. Even now I try to remember that whenever life throws up a challenge, just breathe, and do what you need to do one step at a time. It really is all that you can do and it will get you through everything. When you don’t know what will happen, just do the best you can for RIGHT NOW. And when you need to, come on here and let us help.

Take care.
Deanne xxx

Sister

I don't have the experience of many here but one step at a time is good advice and sometimes letting the tears flow is the only way to release the anxiety and tension.  That said, however, can you access counselling?  I think that it is available through Cancer Council here in SA - I'm not sure about elsewhere.  Otherwise, your GP may be able to help with it.

Romla

@Silverlining When I was at my lowest ebb I rang the Cancer Council who have a service called Cancer Connect. Within 3 days I had a phone call from a lovely lady interstate who had been thru the same as me and came  thru it - hearing her voice meant the world to me as I began to realise the world had not ended and that I too would get thru it and life would continue.Also I connected with a local bc group - the best thing about it was to know I was not alone and to see these women carrying on their normal lives in my town like shopping at the supermarket means a lot to me.You need to know you are not alone there are many of us and that you will get thru this as many have before you .Keep posting on this blog as much support and wisdom will flow to you - there is always someone online across the day and you can say things things here that you may not be able to in your everyday life as we understand a bit more.As has been said already take one day at a time - there is light in the tunnel as well as at the end of it. 

June1952

Hi @onemargie
Sorry, but as you say above "It can be a “shit bomb”  (as @Summerhill38 likes to call it)" should not be quoted as me - not my wording !

Afraser

Can't add much to the good advice and sentiments provided above but two things from my experience: the year ahead yawns immense and you can't imagine how you will get through it. But one day at a time you will, and when you look back, the time will seem to have gone rather quickly. Counselling is not a sign that you can't cope, it's a tool to make sure you don't lose sight of yourself while you are coping with everything else. Keep breathing, look ahead, best wishes. 

Giovanna_BCNA

Hello @Silverlining,
As mentioned by the online members, you are not alone and have support from others in this forum.  You can call our helpline if you need to speak with one of the nurses at BCNA on 1800 500 258.  The cancer helpline number is 13 11 20, they also have nurses who provide support and information and provide linkage with local support services.  Its ok to have days that as you say 'you cant find the silver linings'  its normal and will pass.

Mollygirl

Hi @Silverlining, yep it's hard to find any silver linings when you are going through this. It's ok to cry. It's okay to feel overwhelmed. It's ok to feel sad. I found it helpful to let all these feelings come to me, touch me, just not move in and stay forever. It's not good to let it all dam up - it has to come out at some point!  Quite honestly I was awful mid chemo, and I just allowed myself to wallow it it for a while ...and you know by not fighting these feelings and letting them happen I think helped me be stronger out the other end.  Big massive hugs, we are here for you. Bec xx

SoldierCrab

@Silverlining
Good morning, I get you ..... I have 2 boys with autism and a daughter with anxiety. I went through treatment in 2012 while they sat their School Certificate..... If you want to chat privately I can inbox you.  my daughter did years 11,12 via distance and is now at University.. 

hugs 
Soldiercrab

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kezmusc

Hi @silverlining.

BC did not look at my calender either the rotten sod.  (2 surgeries, 6mths chemo, 6weeks rad). I was diagnosed 3days before my twin daughters 18 birthday...happy birthday girls.  We also had my sons 21st in the same month, step daughters formal ,graduation and 18th and christmas.  I remeber thinking wow, how am I going to get all this organised and look happy doing it.  They were all such big events in the kids lives.  

It all got done, all went well and we had a fantastic time at every event.  I just banned BC from the conversations and from my head from any special event. Actually, I am glad I was so busy it gave me some very good distractions from the rest of it.
I  made a video 2 days before I finished radiation from all the good times that happened along the way. 

Sometimes the silver lining is just getting through the day because each day that passes brings you closer to the finish line..  Some days are crap and sad and teary and some days you feel ready to take it head on.   Having this forum to come to and let the frustrations, sadness, goodtimes and milestones out is invaluable.  Every one here gets it.  

You will look back at the end of the year and go "Geez where did that year go?"

Big hugs  xoxoxo

SoldierCrab

Our roller coaster ride from hell as I call it can be so very hard alone without adding our own challenges in life. 
Talk to your sons DE teachers as to speak with their social worker/counsellor and get some supports in place for him at this time. 

Silverlining

Thank you all so much.  

Silverlining

Ooops! Hit post by mistake- not much sleep last night