The Ghost of Christmas Past

InkPetal

This time two years ago I began to suspect something wasn't right, then on the night of Christmas eve I found my definite lump.
I still remember staring shocked into the ceiling, the darkness was a muted summer yellow.
I have that same 'something is really wrong' feeling and just wanted to talk it out with an audience.
Coming up to my one year all-clear with a mammogram soon.
I started getting arm pain right above my elbow on the tricep earlier this week. I thought I'd slept on the muscle funny.
Now it's an oval shape, white and swollen (raised) with the surrounding area reddened and extremely tender. 
So I'm freaking out a bit, because it's so indicative of distressed cubital nodes, which golly gee is a sign of breast cancer - and it's on the same side.

I try so hard not to leap to "It's cancer" every time something goes wrong with me. I fainted in my kitchen just because I had a cold a few weeks ago and just shrugged it off thanks to the big C log ride experience etc. but this one got to me. The recurrence fear is less a mouse nibbling at my night thoughts than a huge dark figure stuck in my peripheral vision every waking hour.
I'll see the doctor ASAP, but in the meantime my brain is just ticking over with 'you have it again, you have it again, you have it again' anxiety.
My otherwise great partner's reaction to my worries was to bald faced tell me to stop overreacting because I don't look sick. So I'm also here to complain about that. Haha, somebody doesn't remember I looked healthier than kale when I first found my tumor. Zero points on that one buddy.

Fiona2

Hi Inkptal!  I really hope that you are wrong but I agree with you that it is so important to trust those feelings when you know something is adding up to something not right.  I presume that you've asked yourself all the usual questions ie did I strain it? did something maybe bite me? etc etc I know there's not much else you can do right now other than contact your specialist, book in, get it checked out and I totally understand that your head has gone into a spin, like no doubt it was 2 years ago and mine was 15 months ago.  I found that my Buddhify meditation app that I downloaded onto my phone was very helpful in settling the panicking mind particularly through those dark long hours.  In fact, it travelled with me everywhere as an emergency go to strategy.  My thoughts are with you and any calming vibes I can send.  Take care. xx

mum2jj

@InkPetal, I think we all have those thoughts when something isn’t quite right. Just wondering if it could be a bit of Lymphodema or maybe some sort of infection from a bite, that may lead to Lymphodema if you don’t get onto it quick smart. It’s so easy for people to say don’t worry, but human nature after what you have been through is to worry. 
Hang in there and I really hope there is a simple explanation that does not involve the big C

hugs

paula xxx

InkPetal

Thank you so much for the sweet reassurance.

I've scraped the depths of my memory and I can't remember straining or bumping the area and I've had no cuts, bites or even grazes recently to cause an infection - which is probably what's causing the most anxiety; a complete lack of even a cause to suspect. Whatever it is seems to be floating beside the muscle and can be moved a little. 

I did have had a very bad cold last week so I've been entertaining that maybe my system is still sorting it out. It's also soft (which - I think is encouraging?) so it could just be an abscess to drain. Ugh I'm so worried and it's 3 in the morning and I have to study and just remembered I have to teach today good grief, it never stops disrupting does it. *curls up into a little ball with tea and a cookie and cartoons*

onemargie

Sounds like it Could be cellulitis lovey.?  Its a bacterial infection caused from trauma usually like an insect bite or a wound and usually for example. But  there’s also not always a cause for it. It causes redness and inflammation around the limb and can track up and down the site. You may have just been bitten and haven’t realised ?  Either way get to the dr as soon as you can.  Is it on the side you had your breast cancer?.  Could be lymphodema also if it’s on your affected side. I just read your second post.....so does it have a pimple like appearance to it now too .?  As you said it might be an abcess.? Either way get it checked lovey. Xxx

Zoffiel

 A bit of pus would actually be quite reassuring, no? A wee 'pop' and voila! Problem solved. Mxx

iserbrown

Hi Bec apart from this I hope you are doing okay otherwise.  Heightened awareness sends us into overdrive!  What a cracker from your partner "you don't look sick" 
I can tell you before my recall to Breastscreen I was the best I'd been for ages. 
Goodness it does your head in sometimes. Hopefully you'll get into the GP and find out one way or the other.
Take care sending you a virtual hug xx 

primek

So get the fear @InkPetal and I hope the Drs appointment is soon. I had a headache that lasted for days and had myself googling brain metastses. It was tension in my neck causing it, then worrying caused it to get worse. As the other ladies have discussed can be many causes and cording can develop later as can lymphodema. But you know all this. Not until you see a health professional will you relax. We are thinking of you and all get that anxiety and fear that never quite leaves us. I only tell my partner now later as he is dismissive of it, as he was with my first lump. I knew it wasn't nothing. He is supportive once slapped into his face but would rather live pretending all is well. Kath x

adean

Hi gorgeous will we ever be free of that fear? Aches pains our thoughts go there its human its past memories its overactive brains. I hope you get to the dr soon and can put your mind at peace. That bloody bc rack off. Adean 

primek

I didn't realise how close our diagnosis was Bec. I was with family away at Xmas... awaiting pathology results and putting on a stiff upper lip as we coped with my SIL dying that week. It was emotional hell and I never want it to return. Some days I believe I am cured. Other days I believe I will eventually die of breast cancer. Hypervigilent we will forever be. But following through with investigation despite it is important. Hope your day went well. Kath x

SoldierCrab

Hey Beautiful girl ... @InkPetal
 OK so I got the flu a few weeks ago ..... after having a flu shot like normal in May. 
anyways you know I have lymphodema in my left arm well I have therapy on it weekly and it was just not feeling right last week I said my therapist I think that infection has mucked up my lymhaodema again ... she agreed by Sat I had a lump soft under my armpit..... went to after hours doctor sure enough it had set off reactions in my arm ... so antibiotics and now today my arm had to be re-bandaged to try to help stop it swelling even more as I cant get my sleeve (compression) on.... 
So get it checked out my head the first time I got the swelling was immediately on the OMG OMG it has returned but no it was just an infection caused because our bodies go through so much that afterwards dealing with a common cold can send it into a spin... 

Breathe let the anxiety go as much as you can.... See the GP or specialist asap
as for the boy.... HIT him with a lump of 4x2 and ask him if he feels any different      
Men can be so nonchalant about our health and their own.... 
I hear the anxiety and I want to send you the fairy dust to sprinkle you with love and peace but alas they stole it from me. 

Breathe let the anxiety go as much as you can.... See the GP or specialist asap
as for the boy.... HIT him with a lump of 4x2 and ask him if he feels any different      
Men can be so nonchalant about our health and their own.... 
I hear the anxiety and I want to send you the fairy dust to sprinkle you with love and peace but alas they stole it from me. 
Hugs and energy to get through this Bek
Alice xoxox 

brightspace

Hi Inkpetal big huggs  im waving a magic wand from afar...cant add any more as dear lovelies so far have added so much  and super support  xo b

Molly001

Thinking of you @InkPetal. Anxiety we all know! Hope all is well.

iserbrown

Brenda5

Mostly likely nothing as bad as the cancer so see your gp and get peace of mind. You sound a bit run down so I would suggest taking Vitamin C daily. Remember, today's foods only have half the nutrients they did 100 years ago and I think the Vitamin C might be one of those we just don't get enough of nowadays.
BTW partners don't get a vote. Mine told me the same thing for 6 months before I finally went against him and saw the doc for the original cancer diagnosis. I had just spent 3 years (physically myself) renovating a 1904 house, putting in floors, walls and ceilings as well as tiling, painting, putting in new window frames, the lot. I was very fit then. Hubby got used to running a house day to day himself at that time with cleaning things so it put him in good stead to be my carer when I got the cancer.

SoldierCrab

I know you are struggling beautiful @InkPetal
 we are here we will hold your hand as you go through this time ,,,, NOW get to the Doctors ASAP