The Ghost of Christmas Past
This time two years ago I began to suspect something wasn't right, then on the night of Christmas eve I found my definite lump.
I still remember staring shocked into the ceiling, the darkness was a muted summer yellow.
I have that same 'something is really wrong' feeling and just wanted to talk it out with an audience.
Coming up to my one year all-clear with a mammogram soon.
I started getting arm pain right above my elbow on the tricep earlier this week. I thought I'd slept on the muscle funny.
Now it's an oval shape, white and swollen (raised) with the surrounding area reddened and extremely tender.
So I'm freaking out a bit, because it's so indicative of distressed cubital nodes, which golly gee is a sign of breast cancer - and it's on the same side.
I try so hard not to leap to "It's cancer" every time something goes wrong with me. I fainted in my kitchen just because I had a cold a few weeks ago and just shrugged it off thanks to the big C log ride experience etc. but this one got to me. The recurrence fear is less a mouse nibbling at my night thoughts than a huge dark figure stuck in my peripheral vision every waking hour.
I'll see the doctor ASAP, but in the meantime my brain is just ticking over with 'you have it again, you have it again, you have it again' anxiety.
My otherwise great partner's reaction to my worries was to bald faced tell me to stop overreacting because I don't look sick. So I'm also here to complain about that. Haha, somebody doesn't remember I looked healthier than kale when I first found my tumor. Zero points on that one buddy.
I still remember staring shocked into the ceiling, the darkness was a muted summer yellow.
I have that same 'something is really wrong' feeling and just wanted to talk it out with an audience.
Coming up to my one year all-clear with a mammogram soon.
I started getting arm pain right above my elbow on the tricep earlier this week. I thought I'd slept on the muscle funny.
Now it's an oval shape, white and swollen (raised) with the surrounding area reddened and extremely tender.
So I'm freaking out a bit, because it's so indicative of distressed cubital nodes, which golly gee is a sign of breast cancer - and it's on the same side.
I try so hard not to leap to "It's cancer" every time something goes wrong with me. I fainted in my kitchen just because I had a cold a few weeks ago and just shrugged it off thanks to the big C log ride experience etc. but this one got to me. The recurrence fear is less a mouse nibbling at my night thoughts than a huge dark figure stuck in my peripheral vision every waking hour.
I'll see the doctor ASAP, but in the meantime my brain is just ticking over with 'you have it again, you have it again, you have it again' anxiety.
My otherwise great partner's reaction to my worries was to bald faced tell me to stop overreacting because I don't look sick. So I'm also here to complain about that. Haha, somebody doesn't remember I looked healthier than kale when I first found my tumor. Zero points on that one buddy.
