How do you be supportive when your your mother doesn't want to disclose all of the information?

Hi - this is my first time on here.
Brief history - my mother, a year ago was diagnosed with breast cancer - she had a lumpectomy and then upon further research it had metastasized to her hip. Which within the process of less than a month she had a hip replacement.
I just wanted to share my story - and wanted to hear your thoughts, comments etc...
The diagnosis:
First off I live in another State and was going through a few health tests myself - and as we are an open family and I'm single I like to keep my parents in the loop with my health etc... During this time they were very emotional (more than usual) - then after I was in the clear they told me that mum had cancer.
I did an array of research - organised that BCNA send off a pack to mum and also send off information to Dad too.
During mum's treatment of the lumpectomy they were adamant I should stay in my job and not visit for support. Once they told me about the hip replacement I flew down to support mum and dad with the op and recovery taking a few weeks off work.
I then flew down again once the radiation treatment started.
The treatment:
Both mum and dad are grateful I was there to help out around the house, calm mum from dad's panicking and just be a buffer when things get a bit tense.
After the hip op - it was touch and go for a while between mum and dad... there relationship was straining and anything dad tried to do mum would get upset... that's were I stepped in as a buffer.
I flew back to my work - and then came back to my home town when mum started her treated for radiation... During this time I was the main one to drive mum to and from treatment (we even ended up having a system in place that made it efficient and easy for the both of us.) during this time dad would have time free to relax, do whatever he needed to do.
I hope this doesn't sound insensitive but it was a good experience being able to support them both - at times it killed me inside as this wasn't part of my parents plans.. both had retired work early and wanted to kick retirement off relaxing rather than waiting in hospital rooms.
After the radiation round wrapped up - I flew back to the state I'm living in and worked... waiting to see what the verdict was from the treatment.
Turns out both the hip and breast are good - but there is a cancer spot on her lung... (which apparently both mum and dad knew about they just didn't want to tell me or my sister about it.
Now:
Since mum's treatment finished earlier this year she's now on lots of meds, mum and dad got to see their other daughter marry the man of her dreams... Dad is now back focusing on his classic cars..
Questions:
Recently my sister and I have noticed a change in our parents behavior on the phone - they are quite vague and mum keeps talking about being in pain in her hip...
-turns out she's been doing more testing - she's not really disclosed as to what though... is this normal?
-during this time - I suggested some of the BCNA support groups in the area - she's flatly refused to investigate - should my sister and I be pushing this?
Thanks
N
Brief history - my mother, a year ago was diagnosed with breast cancer - she had a lumpectomy and then upon further research it had metastasized to her hip. Which within the process of less than a month she had a hip replacement.
I just wanted to share my story - and wanted to hear your thoughts, comments etc...
The diagnosis:
First off I live in another State and was going through a few health tests myself - and as we are an open family and I'm single I like to keep my parents in the loop with my health etc... During this time they were very emotional (more than usual) - then after I was in the clear they told me that mum had cancer.
I did an array of research - organised that BCNA send off a pack to mum and also send off information to Dad too.
During mum's treatment of the lumpectomy they were adamant I should stay in my job and not visit for support. Once they told me about the hip replacement I flew down to support mum and dad with the op and recovery taking a few weeks off work.
I then flew down again once the radiation treatment started.
The treatment:
Both mum and dad are grateful I was there to help out around the house, calm mum from dad's panicking and just be a buffer when things get a bit tense.
After the hip op - it was touch and go for a while between mum and dad... there relationship was straining and anything dad tried to do mum would get upset... that's were I stepped in as a buffer.
I flew back to my work - and then came back to my home town when mum started her treated for radiation... During this time I was the main one to drive mum to and from treatment (we even ended up having a system in place that made it efficient and easy for the both of us.) during this time dad would have time free to relax, do whatever he needed to do.
I hope this doesn't sound insensitive but it was a good experience being able to support them both - at times it killed me inside as this wasn't part of my parents plans.. both had retired work early and wanted to kick retirement off relaxing rather than waiting in hospital rooms.
After the radiation round wrapped up - I flew back to the state I'm living in and worked... waiting to see what the verdict was from the treatment.
Turns out both the hip and breast are good - but there is a cancer spot on her lung... (which apparently both mum and dad knew about they just didn't want to tell me or my sister about it.
Now:
Since mum's treatment finished earlier this year she's now on lots of meds, mum and dad got to see their other daughter marry the man of her dreams... Dad is now back focusing on his classic cars..
Questions:
Recently my sister and I have noticed a change in our parents behavior on the phone - they are quite vague and mum keeps talking about being in pain in her hip...
-turns out she's been doing more testing - she's not really disclosed as to what though... is this normal?
-during this time - I suggested some of the BCNA support groups in the area - she's flatly refused to investigate - should my sister and I be pushing this?
Thanks
N
0
Comments
So hang in there N, be patient and just be there, it may just take time.
Regards Michelle
My parents were supportive during surgery as that's something they knew how to deal with but with chemo and longer treatment its like they really didn't want to know. I was told, we don't want to hear about that, during our Christmas get together so I realised I was pretty much on my own with just hubby and sons.
I did not share with my parents or my kids for months, I had already had my first round of Chemo before I told my boys. I needed to deal with things & get my head around it, know where I was headed & what I was doing before I told them.
Its hard enough to deal with it & take it in yourself without having feeling you need to support your loved ones thru it & yes, that is exactly what you feel you must do when it happens to you.
When my sister, who lives interstate, found out, she rang & was wanting to drop everything & come to Melbourne to help me, drive me to chemo, cook my dinner etc... & that is exactly what I did not want, I wanted my life to continue on as normal, I did not want everyone fussing over me, thinking I was going to break. I didn't want people around me all the time, I wanted my normal life...
Let her know you are there for her, that she just has to ask for help & you will be there but dont be in her face (for want of a better term).
Its very hard dealing with it yourself without explaining things over & over again to people (albeit close family). I understand you want to help & be there, totally I do but I also know from personal experience that its possible she doesnt want to be discussing things all the time, to be reminded she is sick all the time