Life returns to new normal?

Hopes_and_Dreams

Where has the last 12 weeks gone?  So much has happened but it is invisible to others.

I am back to work tomorrow and am looking forward to it but anxious as well.  I put off my return to work 3 times but finally feel I am ready.  I have no idea why I thought I would only be off work for a month!!  I wasn't expecting so much pain from the lymph node removal nor the belligerent pec muscle from the immediate implant after mastectomy.  But it was the emotional side of me that took a bit of healing.  I just couldn't see myself taking charge of everything for other people when I was still trying to get myself sorted out.

I am very pragmatic - no tears on diagnosis, just wanted to know what needs to be done to get it fixed.  I always had a strong belief that I would be OK - I tried so hard to be strong for my loved ones and felt I was wasting energy by crying when I needed to use that for healing.  I now know I can do both!   All my tears came once I got a good histology report - grade 1 IDC 1.3cm, clear margins and 3 lymph nodes clear.  No chemo or radio. Arimidex for next 5 years at least ..

I am not the same person who left and I am worried about my ability to cope and be patient with all the small annoyances which come with leading a team.  So many things will seem petty and insignificant to me now, but that is my journey, not theirs.  

After being so matter of fact telling people about my cancer pre-op, I now find myself welling up when explaining why I have been away.  

I am afraid that everyone will think I am the same old Jane - my reputation is that I am aways kind and pleasant, the go-to girl to have all answers and get things done.  I don't know that is me anymore.   So much has changed at work in the last 3 months, my store has relocated, we have new systems and processes.  What if I can't catch up?

My uniform is tight from my newly gained 4kgs, I haven't worn heels for 3 months - big breath, here I go ........ back into routine.

A reminder to myself to re-check this post next Friday....  I will probably give myself a slap and wonder what all the worry was about!

Wishing everyone a good week next week, hope your treatment goes well and good luck for those of you newly returned to work

Jane x

primek

Enjoy your first week back. And yes it is a shell shock but by the end of the week things will feel better. The emotiobal side ofcthis journey takes much longer. .10 months on and I am still working through it.

ccasper

Good luck

Tracey62

Hi Jane, wishing you all the best as you head back to work. I found that people had always appreciated the kindness I had shown them, and now they return that kindness to me.  Your work family will take their cue from you, so it's up to you whether you want to explain why you've been off work or whether you set the tone as business as usual. Kath is right, our recovery is more than physical. Take it easy this week, enjoy being back among friends, oh and good luck with the high heels,

melclarity

Jane,

All the best returning to work, it really is a bit overwhelming! I felt the same way when I returned back end of January. But can I say...I was worried about all the things you were, and honestly, I couldnt have been more loved and supported by work colleagues and leadership, I was so incredibly humbled. It really made the transition easier with such a comfortable familiarity. I have realized however 9 months on, the work is far too demanding for me now eventhough I only returned 3 days, so am looking at what I can do moving forward next year, a change is in order, and its ok!!! 

Big hugs xo
Melinda

Hopes_and_Dreams

Thank you all so much for the encouragement!  Work has been amazing and encouraged to me to take my time returning. All my extended colleagues know why I have been absent.  I actually emailed the whole Gold Coast team to let them know my diagnosis and ask all the ladies to get themselves checked since my cancer was only found in a routine mammogram.  It's more my regular clients but I'm sure that will get easier with time.  I surprise myself how strong I am until I start talking about it!    Hugs to all, Jane x

socoda

Hi Jane,  I can understand your apprehension about returning to work and all that it involves. But you will surprise yourself how well you slide back into the workplace routine and even if you do find that there are small annoyances and petty matters arising in leading your team you will deal with them -  but you certainly don't have to take them to heart Even though it's been 3 months for the high heels I think our feet have memory heel and will be looking forward to going back to those heels. When I returned to work I had a lot of staff asking where I had been so I quite openly told them, and then told them how lucky I had been (like you no chemo or rads). You will be fine, and you won't have lost your compassion or patience. Wishing you all the best. Let us know how you get on. Xx Cath

Hopes_and_Dreams

Thank you for such positive words Cath x

melclarity

Oh I think you will absolutely blitz it! My troubles with return to work are from Chemo, cannot believe the fatigue is horrendous 10 months on. You really will be more than ok x Melinda

Hopes_and_Dreams

Thanks for your encouragement Melinda x
Yep, I've got this!!