remembering when my doctor diagnosed me :(

Question

Is it strange to keep remembering&nbsp;the moment&nbsp;when you are diagnosed??? I do&nbsp;EVERY&nbsp;SINGLE&nbsp;DAY and it makes me sad and brings me to tears... I still think that it was yesterday that he sat me down and looked at me with his sad eyes. "joanne, it's not good news. Its cancer..." I remember my brain instantly shutting off and he continued to talk but all I heard was "blah blah blah blah." I was diagnosed on 14th April this year (2011) i remember my mum that was next to me grabbing me and crying saying, "why? my baby my baby." I then had to ACT as if I was even listening to him.....thinking one thing-am i gonna die?....I then called my loving&nbsp;fiance to tell him....he could tell in my voice that something was wrong..I didnt want to tell him over the phone but he wouldnt hang up...his reaction...crying...devastation.. and then I got off the phone..how am i gonna break the news to my sister whos going thru enuf of her problems? Im her baby sister. how is she gonna take it? and then work? I&nbsp;just got promoted!!!&nbsp;I then called work and of all&nbsp;things apologised for not coming in that day haha&nbsp;(I went in the next few days as I in shock) but they thought I was loony even then lol!&nbsp;and then&nbsp;how am I gonna tell my dad..
I remember this every single day!&nbsp;its as if my brain thinks&nbsp;its not real. sorry to vent!
&nbsp;This was the first of the bad news that continued to happen to me for a while. As I was warned&nbsp;its gonna&nbsp;a journey.... any ways now ive brought myself to tears and I need to stop but thank you beautiful people&nbsp;for reading :)

tonyam · Answer

I was so sad to read your blog Joanne.This shouldn't happen to someone so young.You are the same age as my daughter and I would be devastated if it happened to her.I've had breast cancer twice and I think we can all relate to that sick feeling when the doctor says cancer.It takes awhile to get your confidence back and feel like it's behind you.You are not at that stage yet so it's ok to grieve.It took me about 2yrs (the first time)to feel like I might live afterall.&nbsp; My second bout of b cancer was last year so still abit raw. Feel abit like a ticking time bomb.But I tell myself that only time will help that feeling go away. It will be like that for you too but in the meantime have a cry cos you need to let it out.
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Tonya xx

tonyam · Answer

I was so sad to read your blog Joanne.This shouldn't happen to someone so young.You are the same age as my daughter and I would be devastated if it happened to her.I've had breast cancer twice and I think we can all relate to that sick feeling when the doctor says cancer.It takes awhile to get your confidence back and feel like it's behind you.You are not at that stage yet so it's ok to grieve.It took me about 2yrs (the first time)to feel like I might live afterall.&nbsp; My second bout of b cancer was last year so still abit raw. Feel abit like a ticking time bomb.But I tell myself that only time will help that feeling go away. It will be like that for you too but in the meantime have a cry cos you need to let it out.
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Tonya xx

sillysam83 · Answer

Hey, I thought the same things.... I just wanted to get out of that office sooooooo fast... I just wanted to hug my mum n cry.... My husband &amp; his mother were with me at the time and they said I just shut down, I cried soooo much just thinking, Why us? OMG my dear parents why? My sister who is 2 yrs older than me had cancer the yr b4 and why does this keep happening to us... I was more sad for everyone else &amp; letting work down than being scared for me... It was a wierd reaction. I tooo think about it too much, but its bound to get easier right????? RIGHT???? lol.... Hope ur ok and we shall chat soon, like i said in my email. off to work for me.... Wish i could write more, but must go....&nbsp;
&nbsp;

pisces_tas · Answer

hi, you look a bit like my own daughter who is also 27.&nbsp;thankyou for sharing.&nbsp; it IS scary and a big SHOCK; and being so young also.&nbsp; a diagnosis of&nbsp;BC affects family and friends too.&nbsp;&nbsp;
&nbsp;try and take&nbsp;things day by day, lean on people when you have to and get all information to help you make an informed choice regarding which options to take; also information on emotional aspects of a BC diagnosis. it is not strange to relive&nbsp;when the doctor told you, yes you have cancer.&nbsp;i wish you well.
kathy.

w_w_w_dette · Answer

Hi Joanne
Reading your blog brought tears as I recognised the many facets of my reaction and the further 40 minutes or so of blah, blah which my dear husband was trying to take in for both of us. The silence that hung over our hour and half drive home was all about how do we tell our children, one of whom is a daughter who is also 27 years old - that was hard enough, never alone being diagnosed at such a young age. BC is certainly not selective, it is scary and it does affect each of us and our loved ones&nbsp;differently.
As Kathy says, take it one day at a time, lean on those around you and lap up and seek support wherever you can.
Take very special care of yourself, Dette xxx

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remembering when my doctor diagnosed me :(

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