POSSIBLE NEW GROUP – “50+ and single again”
Good afternoon ladies
Are you looking for a group on this website which enables ladies who are going through a relationship breakdown (or have come through at the other end) to connect with and help each other ?
I was talking to a friend the other day who was telling me about several ladies she has met who have had BC and whose lives have since then gone downhill at a fast rate of knots. Gee, don’t I know that story ! To get through the diagnosis, the surgery and the treatment to be told ‘you are not the same girl I married’. Say what ?
Problems sometimes arise from the look of the actual mastectomy scar (my story is that I was not offered a reconstruction so will consider that if the BC returns to the other breast), simply choosing to be ‘lopsided’, the continual surgery to fix reconstructions or getting through active treatment but appearing to be less than 100% well. Is your Mr SNAG unable to accept what has happened or to provide support at this point ? The marriage or partnership begins to suffer and then collapses.
Issues which arise can then be so difficult to manage:
EMOTIONS – Once the BC has been resolved we may feel quite good and that we have coped extremely well. A break-up was never on our Life Plan. Our emotions can take a big dive into real depression. Feelings of worthlessness, unhappiness, despair and self-loathing can overtake us.
QUALITY OF LIFE – Your home has to be sold and the thought of giving up ½ of which has been your life is overwhelming. What will happen with those precious belongings, furniture, savings etc.
FAMILY AND FRIENDS – Often others feel the need to ‘take sides’. Who will they support after a break-up ? Maybe we will find that some of our previously joint friends disappear from our lives.
FINANCES – Unless one has retained a secure career, has ample superannuation or plenty of money in reserve, this is the time when the over 50s may have feelings of total despair. Employment is scarce for this age bracket and if one lives in a regional or rural area employment is often non-existent for many, let alone the over 50s. The fear of attending Centrelink to ascertain if financial assistance may be available can be stressful.
GETTING SETTLED AGAIN – Most ladies have been comfortable in the area and property where they live but now find they may not be able to afford to remain in the same area once the finances have been settled. Sometimes there are big decisions ahead,.
LIVING ALONE – The sheer thought of this can terrify some ladies.
THE DATING SCENE – Don’t want to be alone forever ? How do we enter the dating scene after so many years ? Things have changed. The ‘old ways’ of meeting a new partner are quite different. You hear a lot of sad stories of ladies ‘scammed’ by internet lovers. If we do find someone special, at what point do we reveal our recent medical history ? Will a new partner accept my body or hate it as my former partner did ?
WHAT TO DO AND WHERE TO GET HELP ??
I am sorry this has been such a long read but thank you for taking the time – hopefully it will help others.
So, ladies, please comment on this blog and tell BCNA if you feel there needs to be a relevant group set up for ladies finding themselves 50+ and single again.
Hope ladies are having a good start to the new year.
Summer :-)
Comments
-
Hi Summer. I fit the age group, and single, but that's it. However. You raise good points, regarding relationship breakdown after bc. In many ways I would hope that the numbers would be small, but fear they are not.
I hope you find the support you need,
Lyn
0 -
Hi Summer
I think the group is a great idea. Your self confidence takes such a hit with bc let alone everything else you have mentioned and they are all very legitimate concerns.
Karen xox
0 -
Hi Summer,
We can absolutely created this group for the members of the Online Network.
I will be in touch
~ Ann-Marie
0 -
Yes i think it is a good idea and would like to hear more about it.
0
