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Lookingforward

Hi new to the site in need of reassurance that what I'm experiencing is normal , I am on my last week of radiation, everyone is so happy for me, thinking that I am relieved to be finishing. Truth is I'm fearful of the thought of returning to my old life, I know I am not the same person I was, I can't bare to voice this to them.My passion was my work , I am a farm manager, now I feel like I'm just managing!!!! Where do you find the strength, how do you go back to your life?????

[Deleted User]

Hi Lookingforward, all I can suggest is to look at what you want, and a good place to start is to know what you don't want. Now is your opportunity to start your new normal. The beauty of that is that you choose what you leave in your life, and also what no longer needs to be there, looking at all the positive and negative aspects of your life. I hope that you have some supportive friends and family with you. Thinking of you during this difficult time, Trace ??

Loubegg

Hi, I've just finished treatment last week.  Like you I feel nervous about finishing and believe it's normal.  We've been in such a protected and busy world.  To deal with it I've made my return to work plan and booked a holiday.  I've got twins doing VCE so they keep me busy.  I don't want life to go back how it was so not sure how it'll go in the future but figure once I go back to work I'll soon know What changes to make.  I'm also scared I won't be able to do my job!! Take it easy, don't be hard on yourself and take it one. Day at a time and I think it'll evolve!  Take care and be kind to yourself, Lx 

mum2jj

Hi there, what you are feeling is soooooo normal. I had to go away for radiation after chemo and when I got home everyone was in need of a big celebration and I was feeling like I was barely functioning. I would advise you to take things slowly and just ease your way back in. I ended up having some really great phone counseling from a cancer council psychologist which I found helped. I also walked every day, just being out there helped clear my head, it's something I have kept up and am now the proud owner of a Fitbit courtesy of my hubby.  

Hugs

paula xx

rowdy

Hi I finished active treatment in May this year, it is very strange not having your time filled with appointments. I have returned to full time work and yes I struggle some days, my life is different. I also went and seen a cousellor as I felt I needed to talk about how I was feeling I found it difficult to talk to my family about some things , this helped me it is not for everyone. I take it one day at a time and plan for the future as today is a new day, I know I will always worry about bc returning but if it happens then I just need to deal with it. I beleive life is a blessing and we need to laugh and enjoy as much as possible. Take care of yourself tomorrow is another dayxx

KezzaB

LookingForward

HI firstly, you chose that name for a reason your attitude is great and keep looking forward.

I finished 30 June 2015 heading back to my work 17 August 2015. Needed recovery time. I go to the gym only once a week at first gentle body balance class. Im enjoying my time off despite some side effects I have encountered but hey the amount of treatment we have been through we deserve to take time, be kind to ourselves, spoil ourselves, luncheons, brunches, walks on the beach ect as we all know money does not buy everything.

I understand the apprehension and nervousness. When I finished mine it was like losing someone when the most beautiful nurses in the world cared for me so much every single day, I left them.

Besides my body painting expedition I marked a date in my calendar. I am having an ending all crap from my life and start fresh new one, previously I was also stuck in domestic violence. Cancer gave me the strength to get out and fix me, crazy huh?

Im celebrating with a gathering with so many wonderful ladies whom have been amazing. That date is fast approaching and me too are nervous as I also set that date to rid my head scarfs and brave the number 2 hair do I have  This is what I am doing and maybe you might find some merits in this and set a date to celebrate letting go as an idea? Mark the occasion for the start of fresh new things. love and light

Lookingforward

Thankyou ladies for your response, being new to this didn't know how it would be beneficial to me, I have already felt the warmth and love from contacting such strong women. KEZZAB your words touched me , can't believe how much it has already helped me, to begin talking and thinking more clearly . Now I know your all out there willing to share to make me realise I'm not on my own and not going crazy!!!!

i even started talking to other women at radiation today, and realise they might need it as much as I do. One common thing I seem to have found is the Change in the way we view the little things. The things that would have stressed us once don't seem so important.

Thanks again,I will keep talking .

KezzaB

Looking Forward

Hi, awesome I aim to please yes perspectives change, friends, family and priorities change. Those radiation nurses are fabulous, the first few days I went in didn't speak to anyone at all cried and felt so exposed. They made me feel at home by giving me a blanket damn cold in the bunkers!! and covered the other breast up also one of the nurses told me you are not a number to us (cause I felt that...But that was me making it difficult for myself). I know sounds strange but little things make it easer. Oh and by the way lol Ive gone crazy and had skitz attacks plenty, but your allowed to do that then you kick yourself in the butt laugh at yourself and go about the day happy to chat anytime love and light

Carol

Cant believe how many of us go through this when child children doing their final year at school!

it took me years to get to my new normal and to ditch some of the negative people in my life. I started by going part time for medical reasons and trying to get now exhusband to do his share of the work at home and most importantly actually be the breadwinner given he was working full time and I was not. Suffice to say when the house had to be sold due to his debts, our marriage was over.

now is the time to make time for yourself, to smell those roses, do things you've shelved due to the majority rule in your family. If the kids have to do more around the house that's not a bad thing, it will make better people of them to know just what it takes to buy food for a week, to cook those meals, to take out the rubbish, walk the pets etc. After all sooner or later they will want to move out so you just are preparing them for the realities of life.

it took me months to get feeling back in my feet and hands so I simply couldnt do stuff, later when I had a month of being bandaged and treated for lymphoedema, i couldn't cut up my meat so someone had to do that for me too once they had cooked a meal for the 4 or 5 or 6 of us that night. They started to appreciate that I no longer could be wonder woman working 6 days a week doing all the cooking, washing, shopping cleaning etc so they all could enjoy themselves and have visitors all weekend every weekend. My income was halved but my medical bills had expanded significantly. 9 years later I still take 3 prescription and many over the counter meds etc but I do more exercise and try to take more time for myself  and try to cross things off my bucket list now that live alone with 3 married sons (1 a stepson) living various parts of Sydney and a 37 year old stepson who is back at home with his mother and her 3rd husband.

it took me a while to get back to normal at work and not have chemo brain moments where i couldn't think of words when working on the Reference Desk or conducting training sessions for university students in my Library but probably made me a better trainer since I involved people more than did presurgery. I also started to do volunteer work which is very satisfying - just doesn't pay any bills!

its up to you to decide if this is the time for massive change or just to tinker around the edges as you develop your new normal.

Carol

Onceuponatime

Hi,

I have finished my treatment a year ago.

Went through a battle at the same time when my son did his VCE.I thought it happened to me only, and That I am the unluckiest person on this world!  One of many of my self-pity moments

A year later, he is at Melbourne Uni , and I consider myself survivor.

Back to normal was hard.From full time senior I work now part time.No as a senior any more by choice.I truly believe that stress is major cause of all health issues.And work can be very stressful place.

I found hard to face chemo brain on a first place.My memory is nothing like before.Not to mention movie and book titles.Easy to forget everything.I am making little reminders to myself from now on.

Second - fear.Constant fear, that cancer can and might come back.I was lucky enough to catch it early first time.What if............

I don't want to think.

It will take time, effort and tears to get back to normal.

Is it tamoxifen, or PMS but I became extremely emotional.

The question is still there :What is my normal now ?

 

Lookingforward

Hi Ladies, have been doing a bit of research on prosthetic breasts , thought it would be a good idea to ask people who have tried any. I have ordered a knitted knocker, thought it might be a great alternative for work, I manage a property with sheep and cattle. Its fairly physical work drenching sheep etc thinking I will want some padding and protection. Hopefully will use your wisdom and advice to make it easier to decide which way to go next Thanks

Carol

after an uneccesary radical masatectomy in 1979o Mum made her own prosthesis. she also changed the style of clothing she wore to knits with sleeves always and tried to remember not to bend forward if wearing a lower cut top since people could see the horrendous brown scarring where her skin had grown on to her ribs. Thankfully things have changed a lot since then.

Carol