Donna
Hello everyone, I've just finished my 3rd AC with one more to go 2nd Feb followed by Taxol which will be weekly for 12 sessions. Being quite a social person I'm finding that I'm feeling like a spectator looking in especially about a week after AC. Today I was so looking forward to catching up with a heap of girlfriends visiting all the galleries in melbourne with champagne at each stop ( its a yearly tradition ) and I was like a zombie! I also got quietly stressed fielding all the questions about my treatment . Repeating myself over and over. it was quite overwhelming and it made me feel quite sad as I felt I wasn't part of the group. Couldn't drink the champagne as it felt like it was burning my insides. I'm finding that I handle smaller intimate surroundings so much better with big crowds making me feel quite uncomfortable.. anyone else felt the same way? Love, Donna xx
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I can totally relate to what you felt ( and I can't drink wine or champagne either - how cruel is that?!) People mean well but you get so sick of talking about yourself, and being told you are 'brave'! What's so brave about trying to carry on as normal? But I find myself not really saying how I actually feel just to avoid the pitying looks. For my chemo I have been determined to carry on and work when I can in my 'good' weeks, and I will continue to, but I've come to the conclusion that it would have been so much easier just to escape from life for 3 months and become a hermit, that way you wouldn't have to keep up appearances and a cheery smile all the time, it can be very draining.
Small groups of close friends are definitely the way to go. I guess you will feel different, our new journey in life is so different to our friends, but you'll cope, and the treatment will end, and life WILL return to normal!
All the best
Julie
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I can totally relate to what you felt ( and I can't drink wine or champagne either - how cruel is that?!) People mean well but you get so sick of talking about yourself, and being told you are 'brave'! What's so brave about trying to carry on as normal? But I find myself not really saying how I actually feel just to avoid the pitying looks. For my chemo I have been determined to carry on and work when I can in my 'good' weeks, and I will continue to, but I've come to the conclusion that it would have been so much easier just to escape from life for 3 months and become a hermit, that way you wouldn't have to keep up appearances and a cheery smile all the time, it can be very draining.
Small groups of close friends are definitely the way to go. I guess you will feel different, our new journey in life is so different to our friends, but you'll cope, and the treatment will end, and life WILL return to normal!
All the best
Julie
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Hi donna,
It is normal to feel as you do. I too felt a bit strange, as if " life was put on hold " for a time, and I was looking at others going on with theirs. Go with how you feel. BC is an emotional and physical experience. In time you can find a " new " normal. Time to reflect I think is part of the experience.
Wisihing you all the best. The museums sound nice. I find I cannot drink much alcohol now; hardly any actually. There are lots of non alcohol drinks to sip on..... Concentrate on getting better for now.. Kathy.ooxx.
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I found that I could not tolerate a drop for months and still rarely drink after nearly 18 months....But to socailise on good days with friends who wanted to see you... and had time.. wow you are most fortunate. I was really socially tired for months too, regrdless of what you talk about, it is tiring just concentrating.Even thougth I would work on my good days, I needed long gaps of social silence... with just the radio or a book. ... and lots of early nights.
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I found that I could not tolerate a drop for months and still rarely drink after nearly 18 months....But to socailise on good days with friends who wanted to see you... and had time.. wow you are most fortunate. I was really socially tired for months too, regrdless of what you talk about, it is tiring just concentrating.Even thougth I would work on my good days, I needed long gaps of social silence... with just the radio or a book. ... and lots of early nights.
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so true Julie! I mentioned it to my closest friend and she said " just say you don't want to talk about it but it was hard when it was x 10 plus people! When I think about it I'm grieving bits of my life that I used to have, things have definately changed and in lots of ways for the better. I have more meaningful conversations and do get that feeling of being in the moment at times. Like you I have worked through my treatment with the company I work for kindly giving me whatever time I need to recover. I've liked being back at work. Its given me something else to think about but I do get what you mean about escaping for 3mths. I think the brave bit is being able to face this and make the appearances with our scarves on or wigs which as a sales executive on the road has been hard at times but its made my relationships with my customers so much stronger and warmer. Thank you for your kind words of encouragement. I'm now looking at things through different eyes. Treatment will be over soon and I'm taking myself on a holiday after this. All the best to you too Julie xox
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Thanks Kathy, I'm the sort of person that runs around all the time and this experience has definately made me reflect on things. Spot on about the emotional and physical. My operation was last Oct and its only now that I'm really taking it all in. It takes time doesnt it? Its like grieving in a way.. I've Australia day celebrations and I might have a wine but I'm a 2 pot screamer now with no desire to get merry as I used to. I've become a reliable nominated driver! Take care xox
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Hi Vanessa, that is so good to hear! It takes me about 8-10 days after treatment (AC) to come good. Is yours weekly? I have my treatment on Thursdays with the weekend to recover. Nice to read some good stories about Taxol. All the best to you xox
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Hi Phonixchick, thanks for that and cheers! I'm a 2 pot screamer now and the designated driver on many occassions. I just love getting pulled over for a breathaliser lol. I've certainly got quieter and enjoy nothing more than small intimate gatherings and I've not slept this well in years. Got into reading more books, taking long walks, not rushing around like I used to. All the best, xox
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Thank you everyone for your kind words and support. Its really heartning to know I have somewhere to go and open up. Happy Australia day and all the best xoxo
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Thank you everyone for your kind words and support. Its really heartning to know I have somewhere to go and open up. Happy Australia day and all the best xoxo
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I have my weekly Taxol on Fridays so I have the weekend to recover aswell. AC is probably one of the yuckiest treatments. I ended up in hospital after the first dose. And had to have an injection after the remaining three doses. I have cycle six tomorrow then six more to go followed by 5 weeks radiation then my surgery in July. I cannot wait for this period to end in my life so I can feel a little normal again. I can't wait for my hair to come back. ( that has been the hardest thing for me)
What type of Cancer did you have if you don't mind me asking??
I'm a triple negative. So no mess for me after chemo is over.0 -
HI Vanessa,
I have early stage breast cancer with tumour type being "invasive medullary carcinoma" effects just under 4% of woman but closesly related to (IDC) invasive ductal carcinoma. My tumour in my left breast was quite large ( 45mm) it was like it popped out as there was no way I would have missed it. Normally these types of tumours are benign hense being less common for cancers.. My grade is 3 stage aggressive, margins were clear with lymph nodes only having cancer in one of 30. Had an axillary clearance. Hormans negative. I've had left mastectomy in October - diagnosed on pink ribbon day! I look at it like a good oman. once Taxol is finished with start radiotherapy for 6 wks. Like you can't wait for this to be over with. Looking like end of July. Yes, I agree about the hair. Lost mine after first treatment of AC still have my eyebrows and eyelashes. Hope I don't lose those with Taxol but I might. My oncologist said my hair might grow back during Taxol we'll see. It would be great if it did. Can't do the wigs but have a wardrobe full of bandanas and scarves for every occassion! lol Nice to hear from you, look forward to hearing how you get on. Take care, Donna xx
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