Is that a light at the end of the tunnel??

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Scorpio101
Scorpio101 Member Posts: 36 ✭
edited July 2018 in General discussion
To me a journey is getting from A to B at a leisurely manner....stopping off for a bit of sight seeing and long lunches.....what I have been through since 28th March has been a fast track nightmare heading for the chasm that has lost the bridge!!  Oh I know that sounds melodramatic but I honestly don't know where last 4 months have gone.  Started with Breast scan bus and the lovely technician explaining that if there is any problems I will called up for further investigation ( this is while she is holding my hand and patting with the other one - I smiled and said thanks and was thinking uh oh..oh well!! :) )  Further investigations the next week, 100k away,  Bilateral lumpectomy followed,  then oops DCIS hidden lets go mastectomy on one side...other was fine...just scar tissue from Lumpectomy 25 years ago!  daughter and I decided to call breast that was leaving the building "Doris"..texted son post-op and said...Doris has left the building ..he came back...who is Doris??  Oops forgot to tell him her name...lol   Last drain out a week following discharge...damn..infection and fluid build up...Iv Antibiotics and who needs needles to draw fluid out...its decided to gush out by itself!!   Arm exercises not good enough...get thee to the Physio!!  Oh the pain!!  I'm sure the Physio degree includes a Unit of  Fiendishness 101.  :)  So next step is Chemo .....and its starts today. I've arrived at the chasm but I'm seeing the bridge over it!!  I am surprisingly calm (at the moment)  I am not prepared to leave this world without a damn big fight!  So lets see where I am after 6 treatments over 3 months!  I haven't been alone with support from sisters , mother (shes 88 god love her!) friends and of course husband and my kids.  - Even grandkids  (4 - 10) know I have a "sore arm" and I get  so many more hugs and kisses :)  So my purpose in writing all this is I guess I needed to put it out into the universe that I have had pain, tears, fears and felt alone.  I think this is my letter to me saying...get going girlfriend the next step has arrived and its time to take it...the bridge is there....trust!!   
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  • arpie
    arpie Member Posts: 7,578 ✭
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    So sorry to see you on the forum, but we've all travelled the same road - and there are lots of tips & tricks that may be able to ease the discomfort of the chemo @Scorpio101 ... Oh dear, it really sounds like you've been thru the mill.

    Yes, those words "if there is a problem you'll be hearing from us'' ..... we all pretty well assume that we won't hear from them .... but her caring nature obviously got the better of her & you had an inkling that 'something is up'!  

    All the best for your chemo - do you have a buddy who can take you?  Apart from having some company and support - not having to drive there & back is a real bonus.  

    That is terrific that you have such great support from your family and friends - it all helps.

    As some of the girls say .... gotta put my big pants on & get on with it!

    Take care, we'll be thinking of you xx
  • tigerbeth
    tigerbeth Member Posts: 539 ✭
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    Well @Scorpio101 sorry to see you here , but you are more than welcome ! 
    The advice ,support & words of wisdom on here is invaluable .
    so glad you have the support from your family   It's so important  however a common theme seems to be feeling alone during this crappy time ! Guess we just suck it up & get on with it ! 
    Yes ' big girl panties time ' 

    Hope you smash the chemo without too many dramas .
    all the best , you've got this !
    Hugs xxx
  • kmakm
    kmakm Member Posts: 7,974 ✭
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    Wonderful post. Sounds like you've got this! Good on you. Best of luck for chemotherapy. K xox
  • Sister
    Sister Member Posts: 4,960 ✭
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    Sitting in the waiting room ready for my 14th chemo treatment - totally get how you feel but you will come to the end of it!
  • arpie
    arpie Member Posts: 7,578 ✭
    edited July 2018
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    Well done @Scorpio101 !  Take it easy tho, over the next 4-5 days - you may feel especially tired & just want to sleep - so do it! (That's what happened with my hubby when he was on chemo - he'd go to bed for a couple of days - then he was fine again.)   Well, as fine as you 'can be' on chemo!!   Be careful in the sun - it can make you super sensitive to the sun & easily sunburnt.

    Any question or ANYTHING - jump on here & someone will reply!!   All hours of the day & night!!  We have some real night owls here too!  ;) 

    Take care, thinking of you as you do your chemo xxx

  • Scorpio101
    Scorpio101 Member Posts: 36 ✭
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    Thank you xxx

  • Scorpio101
    Scorpio101 Member Posts: 36 ✭
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    Oh dear...Day 1 and day 2 post Chemo #1 were a breeze....this is easy says I to myself.  No nausea, bowel problems, appetite problems...ohh must be one of the lucky ones.  Day 3...Who the F^%^%%^CK put that bloody brick wall there!!!  Had my first cry in about 4 days. OMG I couldn't move out of reclining lounge chair, every cell and fibre in my body hurt and we wont mention that my mouth felt like I had drank acid ! (Hurt ?? such a lame word sometimes!)    My head felt like it was going to explode and puhleeeease DON'T touch it!! Day 4 was easier by about 50% - cells and fibre and head still hurting but I didn't move far.  

    This morning, Day 5 I woke after having dreams about elephants...(I don't know why, they just seemed to be running around my bed!! ) and I feel pretty bloody good...a bit tired,  & small irritating headache (expected after the elephant run!)  Oh wow it was an experience!  Better-half amazingly supportive.  Just sat near me for the 2 days offering drinks, food, "there there, I'm heres" and hand holding offers.  :)   Hopefully that's the only brick wall I face this round. I am a fairly strong, intelligent and worldly woman but that experience knocked me big time...physically, and emotionally. 

    The light at the end of the Tunnel is still there on the other side of the bridge but sure thought someone had turned it out on me last couple of days...:)

       And again this letter is to me..... Self, read this again in 2 weeks time for mental preparation!  DO NOT get complacent next round. :)   and please...no more elephants ...lets try kittens next time.  
  • Sister
    Sister Member Posts: 4,960 ✭
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    Those first couple of days are so misleading, aren't they.  Glad you're coming out of it.
  • arpie
    arpie Member Posts: 7,578 ✭
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    Oh dear @Scorpio101 ... I am so sorry it whacked you in the head like that - and how terrific that your other half is so supportive ...... your sense of humour is shining thru!  Well done on getting thru this one, girl!

    Being your first 'dose' .... hopefully your next one may not be as bad a reaction - but you sort of know what to expect now - the time line & effects ...

    Just make sure you take the anti nausea tabs & drink LOTS of water to flush the stuff out of your system a bit quicker.  

    My Hubby really went off his food during his chemo as he said it all tasted like metal (he was only 50kg so it was imperative he not lose any more weight) so I was dosing him up on whatever he 'fancied' to eat - be it KFC Chicken wraps & their Berry Smoothie (which he loved) or Steak & Kidney pies from the local bakery (we still have them now & then!)   Then he took a fancy to my smoked fish pie, which I double dosed with cheese for extra calories for him .... SO .... if you really really like something - stock up on it & eat it whilst you feel like it!  ;)

    All the best for your ongoing treatment.  Make haste slowly!  xx 
  • Rosie_BCNA
    Rosie_BCNA Member Posts: 217 ✭
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    Hi there @Scorpio101, glad to hear you have come through days 3 and 4 which sound horrible (inadequate term, I know). Great advice from @arpie about drinking plenty of fluids and persisting with the anti nausea medication. Can I suggest you make a note of the side effects on days 3 & 4 and let your oncologist/treating team know before cycle number 2.  The medications can be "tweaked" to improve these symptom now that you know how you were affected by the chemotherapy. 
    Also you can contact the chemotherapy unit and speak to one of the nurses if you feel shocking and get immediate advice. Best wishes and hope the kittens are more fun than the elephants  ;)  
  • Scorpio101
    Scorpio101 Member Posts: 36 ✭
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    Thanks for your responses Sister, Arpie and Rosie.   Appreciate the support.  I had started to write in a little notebook about each day (Lets be honest here...old habits die hard, I am a retired RN )  but I'm going to create a file in my Office files and at the end of each round I will print them and put them in the file folder they gave me.  The 'diary' will then be there for the entire time.   I noted my appetite as fair...I had soups and small meat and 3 vege meals.  Certainly wasn't in mood for too much but mashed potato really was heaven...lol    Registering what to expect, what needs to be done and determined to leave complacency at the back door.  :)  Thanks again. xx 
  • Sister
    Sister Member Posts: 4,960 ✭
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    Carbs tend to be incredibly soothing on the tummy. My favourite meal during AC was chopped cherry tomatoes, black olives and garlic sauted in a little oil served with fettucine and a good dollop of basil pesto on top. The flavours were lively enough to cut through the chemo mouth and the pasta was heaven on the stomach.
  • June1952
    June1952 Member Posts: 1,830 ✭
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    Hi @Scorpio101
    You don't need a light at the end of the tunnel !  After reading your post I am confident your wonderful sense of humour will get you through, as long as there are kittens instead of elephants.
    Writing this period of time down is the best thing to do as it gets the frustration out and you will be helping others as you go.
    Thinking of you - keep up the humour.
    :D:D:D  

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