Why are we in hiding?

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Sister
Sister Member Posts: 4,960 ✭
in Health and wellbeing
This started as a post on another discussion but I felt that it's importance to me meant it needed it's own spotlight.  I started to diverge from the issue at hand with, "If anyone has an issue with my disease that is their problem - I can't deal with it."  The only concession I make is head covering when I'm out of the house and a prosthesis "in public" - that is more about being sensitive to my immediate family than me caring. 

I do wish that "out and proud" was more socially acceptable.  Given that 1 in 8 women get breast cancer, I wonder how many of us are walking around wearing an uncomfortable prosthesis or going under the reconstructive knife just to appease social norms (and I don't mean that women who want reconstructions, shouldn't have them - just those of us who don't care).  Will I go down the reconstruction path?  Possibly.  But not because I have a problem with my self-image.  

I know there's been exhibitions, etc of woman with mastectomies but unfortunately I think they edge towards the label of "freak show" (and I don't mean that in a derogatory sense).  What would happen if it was just normal to see women without a breast/s?  Would the world stop or fall apart, or would society accept that shit happens and there goes a survivor?  And to take it further, maybe the possibility of a mammogram would not be quite so frightening.
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Comments

  • kmakm
    kmakm Member Posts: 7,974 ✭
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    Yep. I went bald and hatless when I went out of town for a few days and I was less likely to run into people I vaguely knew. It was liberating. Ripped off the hat far more frequently when I got home.
  • Romla
    Romla Member Posts: 2,092 ✭
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     Guess it’s about acceptance of difference . The only way a new normal will happen is if we start it  . A field of women is a big statement on one day but it really is the little statements we make each  day that brings about change.
  • Patti J
    Patti J Member, Dragonfly Posts: 589
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    At work today, a little boy, aged about 8, asked me who I was. When I  told him, he said "Yes, I  know who you are. Have you had a haircut?" When I  told  him  "No, I  have cancer" he put his arm around  me and said "Are you OK?" I then had a number of other little boys proceed to tell me about all of the members of their family who had died from cancer.
    I stopped the conversation when I said to them "We are all going to die someday". 
  • Sanra
    Sanra Member Posts: 18 ✭
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    With my cancer, recinstruction is not an option, i had a double masectomy and actually am becoming more at ease with just nothing there....actually have clothes that now look better than thy did before. My hair is groing back but I do wear a scarf or hat, but mainly cause my head is bloody cold lol.

  • Sister
    Sister Member Posts: 4,960 ✭
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    It's really interesting to hear the responses that have come from this.  I certainly don't bother with dressing up around here (although it's getting a bit chilly to go without headgear now).  And it's funny that the females in my immediate family are far easier with me going au naturale than the males - the girls often tell me to take off my wig/hat when it's bugging me, no matter where I am.  And I think choosing reconstruction is incredibly brave but it is another surgery and I would think, not easy.
    @Romla Imagine if, instead of a Field of Women, we all whipped our scarves and prosthetics off at a given time!  And/or held up a big, pink sign saying "breast cancer survivor"!  Okay, probably getting silly now.
  • Zoffiel
    Zoffiel Member Posts: 3,372 ✭
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    One of the multiple reasons I chose a double mastectomy was my concern about having one 18DD tit wobbling about on its own. Add to that concerns it would turn feral and want to kill me, both off made sense. I was not exactly railroaded, but certainly normalised, into the concept of reconstruction prior to mastectomy. I had my chemo first then it took  me so long to get a double organised that when the conversation changed to retreads it almost seemed like a done deal. I can only be grateful that I wasn't convinced a double tram flap (all the rage at the time)  was a good idea.

    After a series of cock ups, I have A cups on a sizable frame. You are right, @Sanra , clothes look much better without the huge norks. I honestly don't think that most of my clothing would look much different if I had no tits at all. It certainly would have saved me a lot of pain and expense to go without, but at the time I knew no one who could give me informed advice and went with the flow.

    Hind sight is not exactly 20/20 but sometimes it feels like it. Thankfully expectations are changing and, hopefully, those making the huge commitment to go through complex reconstructions are doing it for the right reasons. Fingers crossed.
  • Romla
    Romla Member Posts: 2,092 ✭
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    Tbh @Sister not a bad idea for impact on the Field of Women with no signage necessary .Sort of a visual of the Helen Reddy anthem  “ I am woman” but gender nonspecific to include the blokes.The LGTB community are out and proud maybe we should be too. Will check the lyrics of that song tomorrow and see if they can be modified to something like “ I am human” Any songwriters out there in the community ? @arpie ?
  • Romla
    Romla Member Posts: 2,092 ✭
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    But maybe just whipping off headgear @Sister
  • Romla
    Romla Member Posts: 2,092 ✭
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    @Sister have a look at these lyrics 

    You can bend but never break me
    'Cause it only serves to make me
    More determined to achieve my final goal
    And I come back even stronger
    Not a novice any longer
    'Cause you've deepened the conviction in my soul

    Oh yes, I am wise
    But it's wisdom born of pain
    Yes, I've paid the price
    But look how much I gained
    If I have to, I can do anything
    I am strong
    (Strong)
    I am invincible
    (Invincible)
    I am woman

    I am woman watch me grow
    See me standing toe to toe
    As I spread my lovin' arms across the land
    But I'm still an embryo
    With a long, long way to go
    Until I make my brother understand

    Oh yes, I am wise
    But it's wisdom born of pain
    Yes, I've paid the price
    But look how much I gained
    If I have to, I can face anything
    I am strong
    (Strong)
    I am invincible
    (Invincible)
    I am woman

    I am woman
    I am invincible
    I am strong
    I am woman
    I am invincible
    I am strong
    I am woman


    Wouldn’t it give a different image to our community ?
  • Romla
    Romla Member Posts: 2,092 ✭
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    Dont they resonate still ? They energise  and  unify - ever since Ifirst heard them nearly 50 years ago they uplift me.
  • kmakm
    kmakm Member Posts: 7,974 ✭
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    @Romla I've always loved that song. Sang it for House Music in Year 8 in 1979!
  • lrb_03
    lrb_03 Member Posts: 1,267 ✭
    edited May 2018
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    Oh wow, @Romla, I've always thought it was a powerful song, but never more so than just now reading those lyrics.

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