Unwanted Advice/ Please just hear me out

Jacifran123

Hi All, this is my first day back after signing in when I was newly diagnosed in Nov 2016. 
I realised this morning after a heated  conversation with a loved one that no one really understands what you're going through unless they have either been through it or going through it. They mean well with the advise they give but don't know that some of the things they say is hurtful and sometimes insulting. 
I'm tired of acting strong and being quiet so that people around me won't worry too much about me. 

I just learned the hard way, recently, that I am not going back to my old active self. I was frustrated  that 8 months post chemo and I still experience fatigue after a simple physical activity. Carrying a friends baby for 15 minutes led to three days in bed as a consequence.
This is the new normal. 

Thanks to forums such a this one,  I can read and be able to relate to what everyone has experienced and know that I'm not alone. 
 P. S.  Sorry that my first discussion is a rant I promise it's not always the case because I'm usually a positive person. 

SoldierCrab

Oh @Jacifran123
yes unless they have walked in your shoes along this path they have no understanding. 
God understands us even when we have frustrations at our new normal or the side effects that linger long after treatments have finished. 
https//youtu.be/sQFaqrgSciM  
Lean on Him  
hugs 
soldiercrab

steplightly

I agree that understanding comes as we walk together, thought we journey differently we are on the road that started with the  "C" Word.  Life changes immediately as well as our thoughts and dreams. However we do have hope knowing that God understands, he has us in the palm of his hands and in his arms. What we face each day is in the shadow of what has been and what may be. We have to remember God knows, God keeps and God gives us his peace in this storm. I have learnt to say nothing, sometimes to even those closest to me as they have not walked the mile in the "cancer clogs"  Literally step lightly.  xo

Jacifran123

Thank you @soldiercrab and @steplightly. There are so many things we need to learn in this journey.  The best one I learned so far is that God is faithful in that  He delivered on His  promise that I'm never alone. 

BarbieAnne

Keep on trusting God. The one true, eternally present being in our lives. Just hang onto that promise that you are never alone @Jacifran123. 

Jacifran123

Will do, thanks @BarbieAnne. Hope you’re enjoying your Sunday. 

Brenda5

Rant away. It is good to get things aired sometimes. Something they don't tell you in treatment is that your body clock can be fast forwarded by 10 or 20 years. My parents have more energy than I do. On rare times I get a day. A glorious day where my body is back to what it was pre cancer and I usually make the most of it and like you spend a few days in bed afterwards but hey, getting a day is great so not complaining in that aspect. Its the patience which is sorely tested. The why me and when is it going to go back to 'normal' is the challenge.
I would even caution some misguided Christian advisers. My mum who is supposed to be a trained Christian councilor offered, perhaps I got cancer because I wasn't religiously doing communion right. Recently after having a tachycardia episode and in hospital she offered perhaps God is punishing me for being in debt? I put it down to her being pretty crazy although no one else seems to see it. She hides it well.
Fortunately I have a deep unwavering relationship with Jesus and when I gave my life to him years ago it was for keeps. I get other pleasures in my life now and its not like it was pre cancer but hey, I will choose life in any form as I am not quite ready to join God yet although if he calls, I'm there.

BarbieAnne

Hi Brenda5
Unfortunately, some people forget or do not know that we are saved by Grace. I am so glad that I know that God doesn't punish me through illness/disease. Hence the no need for the  "why me?" attitude. 
As you say, life is just different now.
The hardest thing I have is those that cannot accept that I do not expect to be cured no matter how much that person wants to pray for healing. No amount of explaining that God placed a peace in my heart within days of my diagnosis. My pray is for wellness and health within the disease.

Chantellep

Hi all. So agree with everything that has been said: God is our ever-present help in times of trouble, and with us constantly in better and good times too. I love people telling me that they are praying for me, because it strengthens my faith to see others trusting and relying on him, and hopefully it encourages their faith that I am thankful that they pray for me (and it doesn't hurt that they usually see me looking better than they expect as I don't go out unless I am 'well'!). But in the end, short of Christ's return, getting out of this life cannot be without sickness and/or death, so I see their prayers (and try to explain if they get heavy about me being 'healed from cancer') as prayers for the 'general healing' that God has promised to all his chosen people: that is, a 'perfect' new (cancer-free) body in a new heaven and new earth, and eternity with him -- why would I just settle for healing from cancer, even if God did give that to me! How much more important is it that he forgives me, accepts me, loves me as his precious child and wants to be my friend forever (and even more amazing, wants me to be his friend!). Cancer is a drag and part of the sin, evil and pain of the present world, and it will all be swept away. (Yes, it was today's sermon -- I only get to church very occasionally, and I'll spend a couple of days in bed as a result -- but it was a very good week for me to be there!) I can pray for all of you to be healed of your cancer knowing that God will do just that for each one saved by Jesus, either in this present life or in the next eternal one. What a wonderfully gracious and faithful God we know and trust! (Reading back, this sounds a bit of a rant too, just a positive one

Molly001

Nice to hear my feelings worded so elequently by you lovely ladies. Lately I have really started to get a handle on how our suffering is necessary for forgiveness and closeness to God. Trials, people, things, events are blessings or lessons. There are no mistakes or accidents. We are always exactly where we should be. God will guide us Home, when it's time if we trust Him. No need to fear or dispair.