My password finally worked! But I've been following you all...

Mollygirl

hi Everyone, 

Firstly,  a big thank you to you all.  I've been reading lots of post which have helped me through the last 8 months. My chemo brain or something couldn't help me negotiate signing in. But finally, yay it worked and here I am. 

I was on a lovely months worth of leave in April when I got diagnosed with TNBC. I'm 47. My son was in year 12. And my husbands first wife died of cancer ( colon, several decades ago). I felt so guilty. What a whirlwind. PET CT and surgery ( lumpectomy and node biopsies) within the week. Then for chemo. Several suspicious lesions  chopped out prior to chemo starting ( I had a level 3 melanoma 2 years ago which I had surgery and grafting for) then started chemo. 
Ive had yearly screening for 11 years. I check my breasts ALL the time. It was only 10 months since my last mammogram and USS ( thank goodness I found it) 

I'm a nurse so for some reason I thought I'd be tougher than most. Im pretty fit and healthy so I thought I'd be tougher than most. I'm bloody minded so I thought I'd be tougher than most. Dear Lord, that chemo broke me ... ( oh yeah I realise it's not a competition, but hey,  thought I was going to fly through by being tough). 

Three, three weekly cycles of FEC ( oh, the dreaded epirubicin) then, three, three weekly cycles of Doxetaxel. All finished by the 21st September. I was so broken I could barely stand up for longer than two minutes. Thank god, for my plastic Bunnings chair in the shower. 

I have just had 3 weeks ago, bilateral mastectomies as I really didn't want to go down this road ever again. I am absolutely thrilled with the outcome. Looks so tidy and not nearly as bad as I thought. I don't intend to have reconstruction as I'm done. I mean done, no more surgery thank you very much. 

So now for some healing time and to get over the fatigue and dreaded menopausal symptoms. Hopefully back to work in March. 

The triple negative thing worries me sometimes but I've decided not to dwell on it as I have no control over it - if that makes sense. 

I hope no one will be offended by this: I get people to ask me how I am- then reply with "I'm feeling a bit flat" !!!! Gives me a laugh every time and I think helps them not to feel bad for me

Wishing you all a wonderful Christmas and lots of wellness my new BC friends.

Bec xxxxxx

primek

Glad you are doing well and I laughed at your flat comment. X

Zoffiel

Tough is all well and good until you have a total meltdown because your last respectable looking fingernail cracks off. Complete deal breaker for me and I cried until I ran out of snot. I have no idea why, I've never had respectable looking nails in my life, but at the time it seemed symbolic of my whole existence.
It's tough to be tough sometimes. M x

Mollygirl

@Zoffiel , you're so right. And hey, I feel braver now I'm not in the midst of chemo. Fingernails....I hear you. Mine all died and lifted off the nail bed and I could feel the water go underneath them in the shower

LMK74

Hi @Mollygirl, so good you're doing well. What a shitty long process it is. I finished treatment in November, and just started on Arimidex and palbociclib. It's sooo exhausting. 
All the best.

Molly001

Nice to meet you. Sounds like you're tougher than you give yourself credit for! You did it, got through that nasty crap! Love your feeling flat line 

AllyJay

Hi there @Mollygirl...thanks for keeping us all "abreast" of your situation. All of us chooks, young and old, are paddling the same crappy boat, and for me, a bit of very black humour, gets me through the days (and nights mind you). Ally xoxo,

melclarity

Hey @Mollygirl Ohhh you sound sane and normal! I'm a tough chook too until FEC!!!! it too broke me with 4 rounds and 8 of Taxol. I too could not walk further than my letterbox at the end. I'm 2.5yrs post now and come so far but had to work so hard at it. I wouldnt say Im 100% but I'd say I'm at least 80% and from where I was, Im happy with that!!! 

Nothing and nobody can prepare you for how YOU will be through it, all my plans went arse up but when I sat back let go and let life be...I stopped struggling with how my world fell apart. It was such a healing time too whilst I couldnt work. 

Sounds like you are doing just fine!!! and yes...focus on now and love what youre doing. Hugs M x

Mollygirl

Thank you lovely ladies - it's so great to hear from you xxxx

onemargie

Hi there @Mollygirl you are in the TNBC club with me I was 43 last year when I was diagnosed and like you took both boobs off as I just didn’t want to go there again. I’m on the wait list for recon won’t be for a few years yet as qld wait times are bloody ridiculous. I finished chemo oct last year and now just over 12 months on I feel great. Haven’t had a hot flush for months and the neuropathy in my hands has gone. I’m a nurse too and thought I’d be ok and mostly was but the fatigue was the worst. But thankfully we have come through the sewer full of shit that is chemo, just like a bloody ninja turtle we all are  aren’t we!   Merry Xmas to you and your family too love. Margie xx 

Mollygirl

Thank you @onemargie OMG I long for the hot flushes to go. I have a bit of neuropathy in left foot and just find fingers sensitive to touching anything really hot. Yes, the fatigue is a killer and I'm really struggling with that - I would just like my old self back, thanks very much. But, yep, it's just great to be out the other side. You're so brave doing recon, I'm over surgery, nup, no more thanks. I'm way too chicken. 
Have the best Christmas Margie. Bec xoxo 

Zoffiel

Chicken is fine Bec. In fact, it's probably really sensible. Not that I'm suggesting chickens are particularly sensible, but they some idea when they should run away. Which is most of the time, apparently. And you need to squawk while you are doing it. 
OK, maybe being not so much like a chicken but more like an emu? Still knows when to bolt but does it properly with great scaly legged strides. And odd gurking noises. Try not to make the odd noises and moisturise your legs but running the fuck away from more surgery--yep do that.

onemargie

hi There @Molly001 I’m on the wait list and I’ve even been on the channel 10 news to complain about it and I worry after all that time waiting whether I too will become a chicken. I’m so used to not having boobs now. Anyway I will see when I get there. It’s shit we even have to get used to having no boobs in the bloody first place hey. I watched will and grace last night and grace wore a tshirt with no bra and her big perky nipples were poking through her shirt and hubby said her nips are like the ones you used to have ! And I said I miss them! ..... oh the memories!  Margie x

Mollygirl

Totally get it. Think it's just dawning on me a month after surgery I'll never have my breasts back. Had a few tearful moments. Should be gkad to be rid of the evil buggars! 

Mollygirl

Oh @Zoffiel I'm happy chicken is in style !!!!