Well, after mastectomy & axillary clearance, chemo & radiotherapy my active treatment is finally finished. It's taken the better part of the year & I still have hormone therapy & a lot of healing to do, but I'm done. As I drove home yesterday after my last 'zap' rather than feeling joy, relief etc. I was feeling rather despondent. I couldn't help reflecting on all I've lost & endured this year when I should've been out & about with my young kids & friends enjoying life. I couldn't help agonising over how far away pre-cancer life now feels and that it will never be like that again. I couldn't help feeling distressed that my doctors are all only now interested in seeing me again to sign me off & send me out into the world like a ticking time bomb, never knowing if and when it will return. Cancer, you're a real arsehole. That's enough now. I'm taking back my joy.
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