Trying to get on with my "new life"
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LisaO
Member Posts: 38 ✭
Today marks a milestone for me.
A milestone which I'm sure women who have NOT been diagnosed with bc would struggle to understand, in fact, I've mentioned my milestone to a few family members and I get that blank look on their face, while I know in their minds they just want to say "yep, she has really lost it".
Today marks the second week I didnt break down in my self pity, crying, poor me......when the bin man came at 6am like clockwork every Monday morning. Its almost embarrassing for me to write, but every single Monday morning at 6am on the knocker, for the past 3 months since I was diagnosed...well the bin man is my cue to fall in a heap. I think its because my neighborhood is going about its mundane routine activities, the bins get rolled out, the bins get rolled in, the cars start up and neighbours go to work...and Im in bed contemplating my "new life"....wishing I could roll out those bins with not a care in the world, like I did 3 months ago.
So last week I re-opened my little dog grooming business from home, went back to only a few days per week.
Returning to work has been so healing for my mind. Im back in the "real world".
So this morning, at 6am when the bin man came...I didnt break down. Week 2 of not breaking down.!!
Its a start...baby steps.
A milestone which I'm sure women who have NOT been diagnosed with bc would struggle to understand, in fact, I've mentioned my milestone to a few family members and I get that blank look on their face, while I know in their minds they just want to say "yep, she has really lost it".
Today marks the second week I didnt break down in my self pity, crying, poor me......when the bin man came at 6am like clockwork every Monday morning. Its almost embarrassing for me to write, but every single Monday morning at 6am on the knocker, for the past 3 months since I was diagnosed...well the bin man is my cue to fall in a heap. I think its because my neighborhood is going about its mundane routine activities, the bins get rolled out, the bins get rolled in, the cars start up and neighbours go to work...and Im in bed contemplating my "new life"....wishing I could roll out those bins with not a care in the world, like I did 3 months ago.
So last week I re-opened my little dog grooming business from home, went back to only a few days per week.
Returning to work has been so healing for my mind. Im back in the "real world".
So this morning, at 6am when the bin man came...I didnt break down. Week 2 of not breaking down.!!
Its a start...baby steps.
10
Comments
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Hey, well done. Hope those little pooches are a great distraction!1
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That is terrific. Keep up those baby steps.1
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You know it's a big milestone, that's the main thing. Accepting what is, is only a small step away from making good things happen again.2
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Well done! I completely understand, for me it was not so much why me, but I think maybe grieving for what I used to be. Not a care in the world, good boobs, hair, joints that didn't ache, and energy that I could do things with. I cried several times a day for months but now it's probably only once a week, so getting better. I have also recently returned to work which is a great step.1
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@KatyJoy There should be a trophy emoji on this page
That everyday reality stuff is big. Last Friday evening I went grocery shopping. Just seeing everyone out, going to dinner - having fun on a regular weekend. I felt like I was visiting from another planet. But I was thrilled to be out doing my own shopping for the first time since surgery too.
I take heart that, while everyone else looks so 'normal' and peaceful, there are many more people out there, with many stories that are not written on their faces. (Not that I wish it on them - I mean in the sense that I'm not 'the odd one out'). Who ever loses it in public? Almost no-one.
You are brave enough to reach out for joy - the joy of your work. I'm about to start back at my study (was due to commence honours the week I had surgery
) - and I'm really surprised about how 'wobbly' I feel about making a commitment. It's like "so...so I just get back to work?" Feel like I only just got used to the idea of maybe not having a future - only to be reminded that I need to start acting like I do have one - because I probably do - and it ain't gonna happen by itself. It's totally weird.
Big hug in celebration of your inner - and outer milestones!
(Hmm, there should be a dog emoji too.)3 -
Hi LisaO
Congratulations on your milestone ! To get back to work and to have furry friends during the day will at least take your mind to a better place. Animals seem to understand and provide some love when you least expect it - even those who do not really want to be groomed that day.
(I am wondering if your bin man is cute, though !!!
Keep up watching for more milestones.
Summer :-)2 -
Great work! Coming to terms with things is something we all need to work through in our own way and in our own time, and you have recognised your own progress, so good on you. No milestone is too small to celebrate. All the best & here's to the next one xxxooo1
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Funny how the little things are the 'big' things.
I've finally reconciled myself to not being home from my run at 6.30am when the young blokes next door fire up their assorted jalopies and head off to work. I've compromised; now I allow their racket to be my alarm clock and for now I'm lucky if a) I go for a walk at all b) I'm home before they have finished their morning smoko. This is a progression on lying in bed bawling because, well, I'm still lying in bed.
Daily sooking was quite exhausting so it eventually had to stop. Thankfully the hound has also adjusted and no longer sits at the bedroom door sooking too.
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We get it! Bins represent routine! Your routine has been disrupted but you are coming to terms with creating a new routine!2
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I feel we should all get stickers for this kind of thing. Like those "I adulted today" things. "Haven't had a breakdown in 2 weeks" should probably get a ribbon or something though.
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Yess...life...you are reclaiming it. Kath x
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I totally understand this sentiment. And well done on this achievement. It's not an easy journey. I used to be such a blubbering mess most of the time that I never thought I could go back to work and now I have been back full time for 4 almost 5 months. Work certainly has transformed me from cancer patient back into somewhat of a normal person, although I still have my moments. If any one asks "how are you" with that caring inflection in their voice I still get teary. But overall work has healed part of me.2
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@LisaO that is FANTASTIC!!! and makes complete sense!!! I remember that being one of the hardest things watching everyone go about their business and lives....all the while mine stood still encompassed in what was my life for such a long time. I do think once you can get back to some work, or just doing some things like you used to, you suddenly really do feel alive again and back in the world. Slow and steady...xo M1
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It's great you found the courage to share this - not everyone will get it but we all do on this blog Life changes when we get the bc diagnosis but it does not end - there' s stuff that we go thru and scary bits when life opens up after the flurry of treatment that dominates our lives for months on end. For me when I hit a downer after radio to see and hear fellow bc ladies out and about enjoying life meant the world because it told me life was not over. The girls are right it's baby steps as your confidence is knocked and trepidation creeps in but it does pick up , we realise we can do a few things , that we stop looking internally and start participating in life again - it's still there we just need to get back out there - life is still good. xo2
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PS How amazing it is the first time you have fun or laugh - that's when life turns around and you realise just how lucky you are to be a part of it.3
