Dating

CycloCyclo Bayside Melbourne Member Posts: 45
hi everyone 
I'm three and a half months post rad therapy and totally weiry of my own cancer story. I thought it was about time to make some changes in my life and thought I might start dating again . I'm 61. Anyway the question is when do I share my BC history? Scenario 1 hi ! Great to meet you. I've had BC! Or wait for a few dates. I guess I don't want my new found enthusiasm to be deflated by meeting someone who won't be able to handle the news. And I feel nervous about having to tell the story. Or maybe say nothing. Has anyone had experience in this area? 
«1

Comments

  • LMK74LMK74 BrisbaneMember Posts: 508
    @Cyclo, I'm definitely not expert, I been single for so long. Maybe wait to tell them as after a few dates you might think what a jerk lol. Of course it could go the other way and you fall madly head over heels. I guess it's what you feel comfortable with. Best of luck and I hope meet a nice man.
  • Brenda5Brenda5 Burrum Heads, QldMember Posts: 1,597
    You know you are ok now. The question is will Mr Right be ok or have a plethora of things being treated? 
  • Summerhill38Summerhill38 Regional Vic Member Posts: 554
    I agree with LMK74.  No need to say anything until such time as you think there may be a future in it.  Let him make up his mind about a future before revealing your cards.  Then, he will either stay or run and what will be will be - either he is meant to be in your life or not.  Don't stress about it, just let nature take its course, as it were.
    Me ?  I am not in the market yet but if any man had a feel and discovered one boob feels different from the other (not that I think any of them are too bright !) then I'd have to say something as I have one fakie.
    Relax and enjoy dating.
    Summer  :-)
  • Hopes_and_DreamsHopes_and_Dreams Gold CoastMember Posts: 644
    I think everyone who starts dating later on in life is going to have some sort of history, whether it be health or otherwise.  It's unrealistic for anyone to expect we come into a new relationship devoid of battle scars! Remember what you have overcome - anyone who is not able to handle that you have had breast cancer is not deserving of you!  There is no "right" time to share your story - just see where the conversation leads you. Good on you for dating :), hope it goes well. Jane xx
  • melclaritymelclarity Member Posts: 2,425
    @Cyclo Well I found myself exactly in your position after my first diagnosis in 2011. Once I healed I decided I might start dating, and same thing...when do I say something. The thing is I found I'd wait for a few dates and see if it may go somewhere, which I did start to see someone so I actually told him and can I tell you...he didn't even flinch..he's like ah ok I'm sorry. Clearly he could see I was more than fine and we continued on. I actually ended that relationship a little further on for different reasons LOL. I did alot of dating nothing serious just a coffee and I can honestly say it was NEVER an issue at all. What I found most difficult was in 2015 when I had my recurrence!!! I was 6 months into a new relationship and that happened, I'm thinking OMG for sure he would go why wouldnt he? he thought I was NUTS!!! LOL here we are nearly 3 years later, he stood by me through chemo and this year my Mastectomy/diep flap reconstruction, he could care less HAHA!!  like when I was bald he loved it. The thing we fail to realise is, when someone likes you to spend time with, it's not all about the physical, its about who you are. So if you come across any that disappear, well that's their problem really, nothing to do with you!!! :) Melinda 
  • ZoffielZoffiel Regional VictoriaMember Posts: 884
    I had a great time online dating. I either referred to the cancer in my profile or told potential suitors before I actually met them. Same applied to anyone I met anywhere else if a date option presented itself.

    I can truly say it hasn't been a problem. Anyone who was disturbed by it was better off out of the program early. There are very few people, male or female, who make it into their sixth and seventh decades without a few scratches and dents; if you are honest about your issues you may find that honesty reciprocated which is healthy and takes a great deal of stress out of the whole exercise.

    I'm now in my fifties and have been with my partner for nearly 5 years. He didnt baulk when he found out I'd had the disease and didn't bolt when it came back. The men I test drove before this one came along moved on for reasons other than my peculiar tits :) 
  • melclaritymelclarity Member Posts: 2,425
    I totally agree with @Zoffiel my experiences were exactly the same!!! Get out there @Cyclo :) x
  • Cynth6Cynth6 Member Posts: 131
    I am still on chemo but I'm already thinking ahead of dating once I'm better and it freaks me out. 
    I think I'll be the one to say th BC story straight out. 
    I was dating someone when I got dianogsed in April and he didn't stick around. Although it was only a few weeks new and we had our differences aside I think its scared me off for another relationship and how they'll react. 
    But if it's meant to be they will stick around. 
  • primekprimek Broken HillMember Posts: 3,200
    I think if it feels natural to discuss then do so on 1st date  or whatever date it is You've been on a hellride...surely it is a part of you now. 
    When telling people I always say "I've had breadt cancer and I'm well now" and it hoes from there.. have fun. Kath x
  • MKitty68MKitty68 Member Posts: 195
    Once i got my diagnosis, i basically closed down my dating profiles. 
    Then I was on a motorbike lovers Facebook group & noticed a cute guy who'd put up a cheeky joke, i commented to get his attention LOL, a few days later we started chatting online, I told him that first conversation about my diagnosis (this was less than 2 weeks after my initial diagnosis) and he was fine about that, he has his own medical issues he was born with too. 
    We agreed to meet up & go for a ride on ANZAC Day and just enjoyed each other's company. 
    We are head over heels in love, he's been there for me during my mastectomy, and when i got an infection, and now still with chemo just started, although he's been unwell - he put me first before his own and is wonderful.
    We are going to look at houses together tomorrow . It seems to have moved fast, but sometimes life is like that when you meet that right one. 

    I figured hey, just spit it out, if they're gonna be freaked out by it then get it out of the way & nick them off - the good ones will stick around & stick by you! 
  • Cynth6Cynth6 Member Posts: 131
    Aw sounds like true love @MKitty68 it does sound like you've found a keeper there  ;)
  • CycloCyclo Bayside Melbourne Member Posts: 45
    Thanks everyone for your insight and sharing  that's what I love about this site. I'm very happy for you Mkitty that was a nice story of the stars aligning.♥️✨
  • LucyELucyE Member Posts: 233
    edited July 15
    @MKitty68 I might have to take up an interest in motorbikes. LOL It's so lovely to read about how you two met. I was in a relationship but we broke up soon after I got breast cancer. He told me I reminded him too much of his mum who had died of breast cancer. He wasn't really a keeper!  I still work with him. My advice to anyone looking for a relationship is to avoid the workplace. We are friends now so it's fine, but wow awkward moments.

     I think cancer  just knocks the confidence out of you a bit and it can be hard to take the risk and meet new people. All the best to all of you out there being brave and dating. I'm thinking about it, but still hibernating for a bit longer. 
  • MKitty68MKitty68 Member Posts: 195
    @LucyE I am so sorry to hear that he wasn't able to cope. I have a friend who was engaged, when he was in recovery from prostrate cancer, she walked out on him as he ;'wasn't going to be the man she thought he was'  poor bugger, it seriously kicked his confidence, as i'm sure that would have for yourself. 
    I have thought back to a couple of the guys I have dated, and I doubt that many of them would not have coped either, I just got lucky I guess! About time too! My last ex (over 5 years ago) was abusive & would have found some way of making me feel it was my fault somehow, he had a nack for that. 

    @Cyclo I hope you do get back on the horse so to speak, get out there & just have some fun! Probably the best way is to just find something that you enjoy doing & join a social club for it - and there are always online dating sites - just be aware, most who say they're looking for a relationship, really aren't, although different age groups may be different, but the mid 40's-mid 50's and younger are a bit silly like that. 

  • LucyELucyE Member Posts: 233
    edited July 15
    @MKitty68 you deserve to be happy and to have someone to go this experience with. I don't think my relationship would have worked out in the long run and being single is actually not too bad. I'm sorry to hear that your friend went through such a difficult break up, wow that must have been tough for him. Cancer can attach an individual's sense of masculinity and femininity which can make relationships a bit tricky. x 
«1
Sign In or Register to comment.