Out of the blue a breakdown

Brenda5Brenda5 Burrum Heads, QldMember Posts: 1,382
I still don't  know what happened but my girlfriend reckons its just hormones messing with me. 
I am a bc survivor of just over a year. All the treatment is over except for tamoxifen daily. 
I went in shopping with my hubby just the two of us with no adult sons or dad which was nice as its rare we have time alone. I got my groceries done and we went to a particular grocers to buy some things for our neighbours on special which they requested. It must have been a good special as the place was packed with people. I looked all down one side of special Asian cooking stocks while hubby went for the specials. When I joined him he grabbed me and pulled me back saying "look out, you're in the way" of some lady passing by. Then not one minute later he did the same darn thing! I just felt like a little kid who had no business being in the shop in the first place and ran out of the shop and sat in the car. He got in and apologized for yelling at me and I just lost it. I bawled and bawled and when I got home I hid in my room bawling some more and when my hubby left to go back in to town I came out of my room still weeping. I have no idea why and I have not cried since. Blimey it takes it out of you. I have been pretty much just sitting around doing very little for days since.  
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Comments

  • CassinaCassina Member Posts: 32
    I know what you mean, I am near the end of Chemo, but teary at times for no reason other than this cancer thing comes back to bite you every now and again! I hate the feel of chemo,and the loss of hair, I still feel very obvious in the shops, however I know people are busy doing their own thing and its just the looks they give you, like "poor thing" then they move on, however we do feel it and we are fragile,I think it just mounts up! 
    This support online is helpful as we are not alone in our feelings, helps! We will get through!!! 
  • AnnedipaAnnedipa Member Posts: 73
    I get like that too sometimes. It was worse in the year or so after treatment. Hormones relating to menopause i think. I'm not on any hormonal treatment so i can't blame that. Its an emotional roller coaster this cancer thing...but it sounds like hubby has your back. Hugs Anne
  • fairydustfairydust Member Posts: 226
    @Brenda5  we are so complex. It is really hard to workout the effect of treatment long after it has finished. I probably agree with your friend that hormones are playing a big part in what is happening to you. In the scheme of things no harm done. You probably felt rotten but you handled it. 
    I am constantly overtaxing myself and then need to rest or get cranky or both.I do not know at this stage what I can and cant do. So maybe you have been doing too much without realizing it.  Who knows? 
    Nothing surprises me in the cancer journey anymore. keep well.


  • socodasocoda LeumeahMember Posts: 1,171
    Hey @Brenda5, lovely, I reckon that we are all our own worst enemies when it comes to our self expectations and how we should handle things 100% of the time. Bullcrap!!!! There is nothing wrong with having a good sob every now and then and if it is slightly longer than you're used to it just means that you must have needed that release. Did I read that you had ceased antidepressant medication recently? Could be a reason for being a bit teary if you're body is no longer having the chemical stabilisers?? Either way I'm sending you a huge hug, and hoping that you soon feel better. Oh I can hear a jigsaw puzzle calling you too!!!! Xx Cath
  • brightspacebrightspace Member Posts: 112
    Hi Brenda so many ups an downs we have to cope with ..perhaps hubby is also very fragile ..maybe some calming therapy could be on the agenda  ..together or alone  all the best Bright
  • wendy_h67wendy_h67 Member Posts: 236
    Hi Brenda, maybe you should do something that makes you happy. Are you that caring person that loves horses ? Maybe you could do some voluntary work with riding for the disable. Your life is probably busy enough . Just make time for yourself and do something you love.
  • LucyELucyE Member Posts: 64
    edited June 13
    Hi Brenda, sorry to hear you are having such a difficult time. I've started reading about the ideas around self compassion. These are connected to mindfulness and not being too tough on yourself. They are worth looking into. I am also affected by the seasons and feel down when it gets cooler. Worth talking to someone at the Cancer Council. I have found the counselling very helpful. Take care x  
  • primekprimek Broken HillMember Posts: 2,435
    Hi Brenda. I burst into tears because my pressure cooker wasn't working...can you believe that?  Flip...it meant I had to come up with plan B but really didn't feel I could handle the pressure. So silly.

    As @socoda pointed out...you have recently ceased anti-depressants. Often we feel no different initially then about 3 to 4 weeks after stopping, depression can slip back in and all that anxiety over simple things, feeling criticized, something we normally might just laugh off can feel really personal and belittling. Your confidence has been shaken. I know you had issues with your medication but it may be time now to look at an alternatives that won't give you the awful side effects.

    Hope you are taking care of you and trying to get out of the house for short trips doing something you like. Hope things improve soon.  Kath x
  • TwiggyjumpsTwiggyjumps Member Posts: 38
    Don't even worry about! We all have a big cry - we have to to wash out the emotion that happened. Then we're back to good Gain. Gosh people walk into each other all the time. We are all so distracted by all the bright displays and noise in the shops these days no wonder we end up smashing into someone and more than once! And don't let anyone even suggest that there's a problem. Only if it's diagnosed you can't see. That's a different matter but your ok now and you are well so act well and tell everyone you're well and the more you believe yourself so will others! Get back riding and participate in a club with your mates again. Where you left off. Start slow and build up your body strength. Ask to share a mates horse on a club day. They ride first lesson and you ride the second lesson. You're fine now so get on with it! You can do it! Xxx
  • TwiggyjumpsTwiggyjumps Member Posts: 38
    My buddies picked me and my horse Lucky up 2 weeks after my 2nd chemo round for a beach trail ride. It was awesome fun
  • KatyJoyKatyJoy Rowville victoriaMember Posts: 93
    I understand exactly what you mean! I seem to burst into tears for the oddest of reasons and seem to have no control over where or when it happens. My family and friends blame the hormones too. I have started seeing a councillor, and I said to her the other day that I think it is like a form of post traumatic stress, and she said that's exactly what it is. She said my ''trauma cup' is full and it's like little things can bring it all to the surface and overflow, not just things from cancer, but earlier in life also. I only saw the councillor to keep the oncologist happy but I think it really helped so I will keep seeing her for a while. Good luck and be kind to yourself
    hugs to you, Kate
  • ZoffielZoffiel Member Posts: 503
    edited June 13
    Ah, just spit the dummy @Brenda . There's something a bit childish about chucking a full blown paddy or having a howling jag but there's a reason kids do it naturally--you can only contain so much pressure before you are going to explode one way or another.

    I drove up to see my mum yesterday (a 720 km trip) and had a couple of meltdowns on the way. There were %#$*ing idiots everywhere--puddling along in the middle of the road towing their fricking caravans and wandering about not concentrating. I had to pull over and do a bit of bellowing where no-one could hear me.

    I'm now exhausted but feel like I've chucked out a bit of unwanted baggage. By the time I do the whole thing again on the trip home I should be considerably lightened. That's the plan anyway. Marg xxx
  • Brenda5Brenda5 Burrum Heads, QldMember Posts: 1,382
    I gave up all my horses 28 years ago to return to my childhood sweetheart and get married. I used to breed, show, break and train them and do cattle mustering. I do remember the healing power of horses though but its $80 or more for a few hours ride around here so that's not happening. I should contact them and ask how much a horse cuddle is? I might be able to afford that one.

    Pressure cooker lol. Isn't that funny, I had just bought my first one that morning and its still sitting in the box unused since. Hey I tried doing my own washing the other day (at long last) and the stupid machine wouldn't fill for me. I had to bucket water in. Hubby says there's nothing wrong with the machine and it always fills straight up. I think i will stay away from all machinery unless its my laptop and I have enough trouble with that at times.
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