My story

Cowgirl1
Cowgirl1 Member Posts: 66
edited May 2017 in Health and wellbeing
Hi, I am in my ten month after having my surgery July will be a year.
I have had up and downs with pain as I had a lumpectomy and had a small amount of fluid not enough to drain just give me grief, I now have lymphodema and a pink rash which I had checked out and it's to do with the fluid thankfully . I have been having lymphatic massage once a week and it has helped,I tried taping had it on for one day had a reaction so had to take it off, now I use mobiderm inside my bra everyday and that has softened it up a bit and I have little pain as it was 24/7.
i don't think I have had so much emotional stuff as I have had with this , I went to my first forum last week I had nothing really in common with these women other than having breast cancer, so many sad stories I have had all good things with mine and have been very lucky I know, one ladies story effected me and quiet a bit felt so sorry for her others horrible stuff had happened to them  a depressing night,I went to work the next day and had to come home started crying very emotional I'm not ready for this stuff !
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Comments

  • socoda
    socoda Member Posts: 1,767
    Hey @Cowgirl1, I know the feeling as I too have been incredibly lucky. I think you get so totally blindsided by your own emotions at times. I have never been a crier but BC seems to have stripped my emotions pretty raw. Don't feel bad about getting emotional every now and then (or even all the time) as I think that we are so very busy dealing with treatment and everything that goes along with it that once we start to settle down and life starts to resemble something like normal that is when it really hits us and it hits really really hard. Sending you a big hug. Xx Cath
  • Cowgirl1
    Cowgirl1 Member Posts: 66
    Thanks and yes you are right wham bam next you are in surgery then home then treatment and back to work, I always knew I hadn't dealt with everything that had happened to me and as they say it will catch you week later or years later, it got me a few months ago had a week off work lucky I have a fantastic manager which took the pressure of me , still think I have a bit more to come out. Just realised I had cancer, breast cancer was different wasn't it? In my mind anyway cancers cancer and it slaps you in the face when you start to come to terms with it. I have had guilt due to having an early detection of my cancer and had radiation and five nodes removed and all these women who have full breast mastectomies, chemo, etc and little old me I don't know where I fit in my story is very different,I have a great bc nurse who I talk to and got my mind set a bit better and I have fantastic friends and partner
  • socoda
    socoda Member Posts: 1,767
    @Cowgirl1 its fantastic that you have that support and one thing you shouldn't feel is guilty because you still have also had surgery, radiation and nodes removed. I too felt guilty until I realised that I had nothing to feel guilty about. I did have a single mastectomy but no chemo and no radiotherapy and am on hormone therapy for however many years so I've dodged a lot of treatment bullets and fatigue that the lovely ladies and gents on here have had to go through. I certainly realise how very very lucky I have been but we all share in the uncertainty and fear that the diagnosis creates. I thought I was sailing very very smoothly and then had a couple of sobbing days and they came out of nowhere and are almost tidal in their intensity, ebbing and flowing. I also think that so many other factors come into play, pain, tiredness, sleeplessness. And then there are the days when we are totally invincible and nothing can phase us. It's excellent that you are on this site and you do fit in here as we are all magnificent survivors whether we feel we are worthy of the title or not - we're here, we're fighters!! We all get it and whenever you need to chat and get things out of your system this site is the best place to do it.
  • Cowgirl1
    Cowgirl1 Member Posts: 66
    Thank you all for your comments it is appreciated, one thing that I found a great thing was my journey book I have written everything that has happened to me and how I feel at the time. It's good to go back over it and just see how far you have come with pain especially  at the moment I am around 1-2 which I don't realise until I go back and see most of the time I have been 3-4 with the pain.
  • fairydust
    fairydust Member Posts: 290
    @Cowgirl same thing happened to me. I have been to several activities with women that have had breast cancer, Sometimes the meetings were good.  Other times it was so sad. It would take me days to get over it. The very young women with young children effects me deeply. I think everyones journey is unique.  
    The actual fact that you like many others was getting on with life and suddenly without warning you have cancer. That is a shock that I do not think anyone forgets,. Sure you can come to terms with it but feel the same again ....I dont think so
    I think just being you is the most important thing.
  • melclarity
    melclarity Member Posts: 3,502
    @cowgirl it is incredibly overwhelming and nothing can prepare you for it. I think thats why I love the forum here, as theres also a lot of joy and celebrations shared, together with understanding and lots of love and comfort. 

    Everything you think and feel is validated here, we absolutely get it, I remember in 2011 my world was ripped apart with my first diagnosis, I was only 6 months out of my marriage with my 2 children and starting again. I dont know how but I got through it with very little support. Nothing prepared me for 2015 a recurrence, it really brought me to my knees in a much bigger way. Just remember putting you first is so important, one moment, one day at a time, dont look too far ahead, and you will absolutely get there slowly. Bad days and good days but you will continue to look at how far you have come not how far you have left to go. Hang in there, we are all here. x Melinda
  • nikkid
    nikkid Member Posts: 1,766
    @cowgirl I totally relate to your emotions - and as @melclarity  says, we have all been there.

    It's a whole new world....and we get it. Look after yourself - and sometimes it's important to quarantine yourself as well. I have tried as much as possible, to surround myself with positivity, developing a calm, positive mindset and focussing on ME: getting better, getting fitter, being happy. This is balm for the soul that has helped. 

    Take care of yourself

    Nikki xx
  • Cowgirl1
    Cowgirl1 Member Posts: 66
    So looking forward to my week hols in June I have booked a retreat stay through Otis foundation near the beach just hope it doesn't rain for four days lol
  • Cowgirl1
    Cowgirl1 Member Posts: 66
    Well I had my holiday at casuarina cottage through the otis foundation what a wonderful foundation and the people that put their places up for people that have had cancer. We had four days great weather so close to the beach Silversands, we did victor harbour to goolwa on the cockle train which I have never done, so thank you again Jan & David
  • Afraser
    Afraser Member Posts: 4,352
     Zoffiel nails it again - I had much the same feeling about support groups. I felt I was handling my own issues not too badly but didn't feel like coping with other people's experiences as well. But when facing my third reasonably serious side effect in seven weeks, I did seek some guidance. A really good counsellor clarified that I was actually dealing with cancer pretty well but wasn't dealing with the fact that the "normal" working life I was keen to maintain was pretty crazy! Cancer has an interesting habit of throwing up the secondary plots in your life - hard to manage it and treatment, and sail through ropey marriages, difficult sibling relationships, batty working practices! For me it was a good thing to deal with, but it can be awfully hard for some. 
  • Annedipa
    Annedipa Member Posts: 73
    I must have gotten lucky with the group i joined. We meet up for lunch once a month or so. The focus is never about breast cancer but having a laugh with other women who understand what you have gone through. Unfortunately i left it until after my treatment was over to reach out. I really could have used some of that laughter during as its a pretty lonely journey otherwise. @Cowgirl1 regardless of the treatment path any of us take...and everyone's s different...we all had to hear the words “you have cancer” and that's pretty darned scary. Bug hugs Anne