A couple of years down the track

Tink
Tink Member Posts: 60
It's been a while since I posted here.  I had so much support here when I went through my mastectomy and chemo - thanks so much everyone!  Now I am nearly 3 years down the track and recently I have been struggling with the fact that I have had a mastectomy and everything that's happened to me.  I am a happily single woman but keep thinking - what if I met a man?  How would I bring up the fact I only have one breast?  Why me?  You know, all those sorts of worries that usually I deal with but just lately, it seems to be overwhelming.  I even think when I look in the mirror that I'm disfigured.  I chose not to have a reconstruction and wear a prosthesis which usually I'm quite happy with.  I don't want any more surgery on my chest.  I'm wondering if there's anyone here who has had these kind of thoughts and how did you deal with them and move on?  Thanks in advance, Tink

Comments

  • Cosette
    Cosette Member Posts: 637
    This is a hot topic lately. @underthestars, @Zoffiel, @SoldierCrab, and @melclarity might have some thoughts on this subject.
  • onemargie
    onemargie Member Posts: 1,264
    Hi there Tink, you are not alone with how you are feeling, I'm only 7 months post chemo and have had a double mastectomy and wasn't keen on more surgery, but have decided I will consider it and just see what the surgeon says, If you meet a bloke lovey just be yourself, he should be able to see past the one boob thing if hes a decent bloke, you are more than just a boob lovey, love yourself boob or no boob, you are beautiful anyway, and your scars are a sign of courage and strength not disfigurement. My hubby loves me just the same with or without boobs and is grateful that I'm alive and well and doesn't give a shit about the no boob thing. There are good blokes out there. Margie :)
  • SoldierCrab
    SoldierCrab Member Posts: 3,445
    it is hard Tink what you can do if you want  is see a psychologist and have some sessions it really helped me with lots of things I started struggling with.....You can get a mental health plan and see them under medicare.... up to 10 sessions either free or on reduced rates....
    I have found that extremely helpful...
    I have a friend (male) he is absolutely both encouraging and totally accepting of my double mastectomy, he says to me "you are alive that is what I want" so yes they cope and deal with it..... Melclarity has had reconstruction and she might be able to help you with some more ideas

    Soldiercrab
  • Tink
    Tink Member Posts: 60
    Thanks for your comments lovely ladies.  It's always good to hear of others in my situation.  I'm not particularly looking for a man but it's just something going through the swirling mess in my head at the moment lol.  I know I'll get there in the end, I just have to keep going day by day, which is how I got through the whole diagnosis and treatment in 2014.

    Tink xx
  • fairydust
    fairydust Member Posts: 290
    @Tink if and when you will meet a man there will be no problem.  It is usually a meeting of the minds that forms a good relationship. Okay physical attractions plays a part but usually people bond over same goals in life and interests. Alright opposites do attract sometimes.
     So when you meet him it will be okay. If he is not okay with it then he isnt the one.  Looking forward to hearing of your wedding in years to come.
  • Sparkles
    Sparkles Member Posts: 36
    @Tink - those who mind don't matter, those who matter don't mind. 
  • underthestars
    underthestars Member Posts: 2
    its great to hear others stories and see so much support from such incredible woman on this site. gratitude too all
  • melclarity
    melclarity Member Posts: 3,502
    @Tink I think that a really normal thought. When I had my first diagnosis I was 6 months out of my marriage with 2 children. For a few years I didnt think about it, but when I was ready I started dating and that was something I thought too..whilst I had my breasts I had a major lumpectomy was disfigured and didnt know how I would go. Well let me tell you, it wasnt an issue, obviously I built something first and it didnt bother him at all or the fact Id had breast cancer. I enjoyed the time we spent but this was my first relationship since my marriage and wasnt quite right so I moved on LOL.

    THEN...late 2014 I met a man and things were going great, 7 months into our relationship I had a recurrence. My first thought was besides OH SHIT!! was I wouldnt expect him to stay knowing how bad it was going to get. From that diagnosis, all the tests, another major lumpectomy...all the way through chemo...out the other side....16 months post and Mastectomy/diep flap recon...he has been amazing...he never waivered, even when I had little faith. He's been a rock to me, we dont live together so its been challenging and complicated but we're coming up 3yrs this year. 

    So I say to you....have a little faith in who you are, we are so much more than our physical self...take your time when the right one comes you will know, I feel so blessed  xx Melinda