Hormone therapy complications and decisions

InkPetalInkPetal You are valuable, beautiful, extraordinary.Member Posts: 449
I'm calling a specialist and have been on hold for 12 minutes so I came to make a post. Ha.

Lucky enough to have no sign of it in either breast, I'm just facing five years of Tamoxifen as a little security that it won't come back. It sounds so trivial given all that I've been through to this point, and seems silly to want to throw my hands in the air and say "I'm done now".

But I'm waiting for surgery on ovarian cysts caused by the Tamoxifen. That's something they can't stop and will probably happen again. It's five years of Tamoxifen side-effects. Five years of lethargy and mood swings, five years of aching and creaking, five whole years of my 30s avoiding social situations because I'm embarrassed about how much weight I've put on and cannot lose, embarrassed by how blotchy and saggy and fragile my skin is, how I can't walk without my ankles clicking.

Chemotherapy left me in tatters, and I feel in my gut that I should have said no to it. I feel a long list of things I didn't expect to be a hassle in my life until I hit 60. I want to call bunk on the 10 year molecular aging thing, it feels like so much more. I can't help but think if I'd been younger "ten years" would suck but I could still be living my life; and if I were older, ten years wouldn't mean as much because the changes would already have been setting in.

Ah. Off hold. 26 minutes. - They don't have my referral, so I have to copy and fax my giant pile of pages to their office so they can determine how urgent my surgery is needed. I was told I'd already been put on a waiting list, but no, I have to have a review where another specialist looks at the same information so they can say the same thing and then put me on a list. Money, money, money. Lord almighty. If it actually were urgent I'd be in a fit of tears right now.

I'm so sick of dealing with all of this. I'm at a breaking point where I'd rather have my breasts taken and my ovaries removed than have to be on hormone therapy anymore (This is just how I honestly feel right now, I am thankful that I was able to get away with keeping a breast and a half and my ovaries, no matter how painful they are, but I struggle to see them as being worth it right now. I don't mean to be insensitive to others coping with the loss of these). The post-chemo cognition impairment isn't helping either but that's a whole other bucket of rant.

I feel like a circle peg being rammed into a triangle hole and nothing feels right, and hormone therapy is just making it all worse. I am miserable about my quality of life. I'm eating well, getting even more active, trying to cut out caffeine (that is super hard. .. worse than sugar haha) and on this rare occasion I just have no idea what advice I would give to someone in my situation, so I can't listen to myself. ...What say you?
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Comments

  • LucyELucyE Member Posts: 233
    I have never regretted giving up Tamoxifen. It has caused me problems which I've mentioned in another post. I've learned to do what is good for me and to question the benefits of everything offered. I hope things get better for you. I can relate to the feeling of being over it all. 
  • InkPetalInkPetal You are valuable, beautiful, extraordinary.Member Posts: 449
    Thank you so much for saying so @LucyE.

    I faxed off the referral and waited on hold for 32 minutes to confirm they'd actually received it this time just to be told that the fax machine was in a locked room and nobody with the key was available. Ever growing is the suspicion that by the time I've actually been put on the waiting list and get to the surgery day I'll just have to have them removed anyway. :( 
  • GerrybGerryb LauncestonMember Posts: 102
    @InkPetal how are you doing hunny x
  • LucyELucyE Member Posts: 233
    Hi @InkPetal hope everything is going ok. x 
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