Don't know where to begin

Bellablor

i feel like I'm part of a horror movie and I'm the main character. I've always just cruised thru life in the background. This breast cancer diagnosis has hit me hard. Fast forward 3 weeks from that fateful phone call that they had seen something on the mamogram to today. Post lumpectomy with axillary clearance as sentenial node is positive. I'm sitting here having to wait my fate in about 10 days. Family and friends keep saying stay positive but my brain is in over drive. My sister in law was one of the unlucky ones to have stage 4 diagnosed straight away. I feel like I'm now walking down the same path. How do you stay positive?. 

primek

You don't. You have the right to feel all the fear that you are feeling. We all get that. I spent many nights without sleep  (and sometimes still do) and shed many tears at the beginning and even some days now 14 months on. Waiting for results is the hardest part. Soon you will have a treatment plan and know what you are dealing with but it's okay not to just "stay  positive". You will eventually draw on strength you never knew you had to get through this,  but for me it came after I shed many tears and fears and basically was emotionally exhausted. I did find doing a quick mindfulness technique the morning prior results and prior chemo helped calm me enough to get through.

I am sorry you have had to join us. Do know we are here for you to vent when you need and answer anything you want to ask. It can be helpful to have people outside your family circle to speak with.

Have you a breast Care Nurse? They can really help supporting you through this.
Most public hospitals have one attached but if in country areas they are McGrath breast care nurses.
https://www.mcgrathfoundation.com.au/OurMission/OurNurses/FindANurse.aspx

Have you ordered a My journey kit yet?
https://www.bcna.org.au/resources/my-journey-kit/

Cancer council also has a counselling helpline which can be invaluable and might help fet you through. 
http://www.cancer.org.au/about-cancer/patient-support/131120.html

Take Care. Kath x

SoldierCrab

Hello Bellablor  what a shock... it is normal to be in overdrive  try to find some things that will allow you to relax... 

it can be hard, but know that you can do this   one step at a time this is the worse part - waiting to know what the pathology is... once the team have this they can then help you decide what options are next. Yes it is hard and none of us want to do it... but we do and we are stronger than we give ourselves credit.

Do you have a breast care nurse ?  you can find one here
https://www.mcgrathfoundation.com.au/OurMission/OurNurses/FindANurse.aspx

Do you have a MY Journey Kit ? https//www.bcna.org.au/resources/

You are entitled to a Mental Health care plan when diagnosed with BC ask your Breast Care nurse about - this allows you to see a psychologist free under medicare... I have found that helpful for me. 

I want to encourage you I am 4.5yrs since diagnosis and I am cancer free. 

Hugs and peace 
Soldier Crab 

SoldierCrab

oops we must of been posting at the same time ....  

primek

@Soldier Crab yes...was thinking the same. Lol

SoldierCrab

as you can see Bellablor, it wont be just one person replying to any questions or venting that people do.... we are all supportive. 

Bellablor

Thank you for taking the time and reading my thoughts. Never been on a forum before so don't even know how to reply to your comments. I have ordered my journey kit, but no don't have a breast care nurse.

SoldierCrab

If you click on the link for breast care nurses it will take to page where you can put in your postcode and find nearest...

fairydust

You are individual and unique. What happened to your sister in law probably may not happen to you. Until the results come in you are in limbo. Whether you are positive , negative, grumpy or sad the results will be the same. Once you know what your dealing with things will be easier. I loved the my journey kit I received. It made me feel special and was delivered right to my door. Was I scared  and worried when I was first diagnosed? Of course

Brenda5

Welcome Bella. Everything seems to be spinning for a start. Try not to take too many things on at once and look after you. It is very easy to bite off more than you can chew in life when dealing with such a personal ailment. We're here for you.

socoda

Hi Bellablor and welcome to the forum but also sorry that you are here. A lot of the ladies here are the same as yourself, cruising through life, never had any major sicknesses and then totally blindsided!!! The waiting is one of the hardest things because while you may appear calm to others on the outside inside you have the biggest case of the Screaming Meemies and of course everyone around you needs reassurance. So it's okay to become a sobbing mess, (I used to use a nightly soak in the bath tub and had a good cry when running the water so no one could hear me), it's totally ok to feel overwhelmed. This is certainly not an experience that would have been on your bucket list BUT you will get through it. Your appreciation for life, family, friends, sunshine, mostly everything will be heightened. Use the forum to get answers, piece of mind, to vent and help you through. As a whole unit we have an incredibly vast knowledge of breast cancer and tips and tricks to deal with it and we are all here for you. Big hugs, let us know how you're doing. Xx Cath

melclarity

@bellablor Firstly a big welcome, you couldnt be in a better place, with some incredibly courageous amazing women Ive ever known. I can honestly say to you after 6yrs of this journey and having it twice, it actually has nothing to do with being positive at all. Strange hmmm? A group session through rehab this came up and the Psychologist actually validated the fact that EVERYONE deals with things differently, nobody is naturally positive and not all the time. Of course we all try to be as much as we can BUT here;s the thing, its OK to admit when we don't, its actually normal to admit we are SCARED, in FEAR, ANGRY or SAD and at any given time not feeling positive. The key I have found in all these years is its easy to spiral off into a million what ifs? right?? absolutely!! BUT I found pulling it back to the moment and what is at hand right now is so key...not tomorrow or next week. One thing, one step at a time. Thing is, no two people are the same and it absolutely doesnt mean you will be the same as your Sister in law and yet its so natural to think that too could be you. So be kind to YOU, acknowledge every emotion you feel, they are REAL and normal and its OK to not be positive sometimes its the balance of things because when it counts you will be. One thing at a time, and have faith in you that you can and will deal with whatever comes. Honestly this is something I learnt along the way, and at the point you are I never would have thought I could....but I absolutely did and lifes good!!! hang in there! Hugs Melinda xo 

Sparkles

Hello @Bellablor - Everyone here has great advice, the best I ever got was 'take one step at a time'. I have followed this and found that by keeping my head around just the current situation I have kept my thoughts and focus on me and am managing to stay positive. Hugs and positive energy to you!  

Just Fer

Hi Bellablor... I have just signed up and this is my first engagement with the network! Coincidently, your post is the first that I read!
I felt and could sympathize exactly where you are at! I too am in the waiting stage, post initial diagnosis, lumpectomy, sentinel node biopsy. I too am living the same waiting game, I get my 'plan' on the 3rd of April, the results and treatment! What a whirlwind! The sick feeling in my stomach is at times overwhelming - worse case scenario thinking often appears in my thoughts, particularly at 3am in the morning. My breast care nurse said the three best things I can do for myself is exercise (obviously when I am sufficiently recovered from surgery), sleep (not doing well on this one) and stress. I am not sure how to reduce stress when everything is so overwhelming. 
I have no advice as I am in about the same boat as you ... but you are not alone

SoldierCrab

Neither of you are alone..... 

Bellablor

Having a bad morning. Everyone's life is going on and I'm stuck at home . No work, no gym. Just waiting for results. Time is standing still. Drain still in and draining. So not coming out anytime soon. I know I should be greatful for good family and great friends. Sick of talking everyone through what's happened so far. Want my results but don't want to find out either. Thanks for letting me vent. Have to stay positive for everyone else x Paula