Going it alone

rosehaven

How do you do this on your own? In my second round of A/C chemo. Don't know what to do.

melclarity

@rosehaven do you live alone? do you have any support at all? Im a single parent and my kids were 15 & 17 at the time and it was hard slog as I was so ill! They put me in hospital for 3days after each of FEC infusions and my Dad came to help out for about 4 days and then Id be on my feet. Do you have any family or friends you can call on? a Breast Care Nurse? what do you need the most right now? Melinda xo

Zoffiel

Being on your own is a double edged sword.

Emotionally, we all have different needs when we are under stress. I get spanked by my friends and family for behaving like a sick dog; I just want to crawl under the house and bite anyone who tries to help me. It's yet to be established if this worries them because they don't get it, or because they don't want to have to pull the place down to retrieve my body.

The physical aspects of chemo are different again. It's bloody awful, even for those who have minimal side effects; the stress and inconvenience takes its toll on even the hardiest of souls. That week after treatment is the worst. Thing is, if nothing happens that has you hospitalized, it all passes. If you don't eat properly for a few days, you have time to make it up later. The mess can wait. AC is a shortish course and you are half way through now. Only another few weeks and you are done with the poisoning.

Oddly, I find the hardest thing is dealing with the boredom. I'm not working and have just finished chemo--I hated hanging around waiting for the next round. It was like waiting for the day I was going to have to slam my hand in the car door again.

I think we all end up with about the right level of support, one way or another. If you are lonely and need some company, keep an eye on what is happening with you local cancer community-- the breast care nurse will be able to help you with that. If you are worried about logistics--house work etc, either let it ride for a little while or ask about community care.  Marg

iserbrown

@Zoffiel summed up beautifully!  It does pass however it is hard to see that when you are in the middle of it!  A sense of humour helps!

rosehaven

@melclarity. I did live alone but moved in with a friend who wanted to help me. Problem being, she works full time and I have a high needs child who now goes to kindy. On my off week, like now, looking after myself is hard, looking after my child physically hurts. The mental confusion is the worst, knowing something needs to be done but being stuck in, I need to lye down.

melclarity

@rosehaven GOSH!!!! I completely hear you!! its damn hard looking after you let alone a child and one with high needs. Do you have anyone who can help with your child? that can take and bring home from kindy? do you have access to respite maybe? at the tough times so you can just look after you? I work with Autistic Children and when I could I worked in between but it was so hard physically/mentally that in the end I had to stop working. So sounds like you need some assistance PRONTO! If you dont have people you could call on to help out, give your Breast Care Nurse a call and tell her your situation and ask her what assistance there is. Definitely ways around things and you cannot manage on your own. Nobody understands what its like unless you are going through it...you definitely need some help! Is there anyone at all you can call on?? Hugs Melinda xo

Zoffiel

Oh Rose, that makes it really hard. Just do what you can. It will be enough. You can't change any of this, rest when you get the chance and do the basics for the rest of the time.
 I have no idea what it must be like to have a special needs toddler to care for and can't imagine how much pressure that must put on you. All I know is that this part of your treatment will soon be done and regardless of what you chose to do next

the chemo, and all the stuff it bring with it, will pass. Marg

iserbrown

@rosehaven the ladies are right! There is some help out there you just have to figure out who to call. Your breast care nurse or the social worker at the hospital or your local community health or local council. Once you've got your thoughts together, write some notes and then ring around. It is wonderful of your friend to help out. When we are feeling so off colour it is hard to think straight. 
Take care

fairydust

Rose you are in a difficult situation. The only other resource you could ask help from is your local GP. Everyone is different when undergoing treatment. I think it totally depends on your body and how it reacts to chemo. The only other tip is I would suggest stock up on good quality frozen meals. Also get groceries delivered on line. Your major priority is good nutrition for you and your child. Try and get some help this is not an easy journey

SoldierCrab

Hi Rosehaven get in touch with your NDIS worker  they will be able to get extra funding for your son while this is happening.... He might need to go for respite on the bad weeks for you so that you can concentrate on getting well. 
Inbox me if you would like to chat.... 
HUGs and Energy to get through this. 

Brenda5

Ask at your chemo centre. The palliative care head may know exactly who to contact for some home help for you.

primek

Breast care nurse or cancer care coordinator should be able to rally help for you. Or ring the cancer council helpline and they should be able to assist.

http://www.cancer.org.au/about-cancer/patient-support/

Look after you too. Kath x

Jennifer1982

Hi Rose,

take care.

 I would echo the advice of others and reach out to your GP and other health and social services. When I was first in hospital for the surgeries I was offered social worker visits to help with house work and child care. But I didn't need them. They do exist it is just a matter of finding them!!

But I would also highly recommend a counsellor or psychologist for yourself so you have a person you can use as emotional support.

Hopefully a combination of Medicare and volunteer labour will mean that support isn't too pricey, but you might just need to set aside a day to sort it all out. 

Jen

nikkid

Hi Rose - everyone has given you wonderful advice here.

You have our virtual support and hugs wrapped around you, but for the practical stuff - talk with your GP, your specialists and your breast care nurse. There's often more out there than you'd ever think of...the difficult part sometimes is sourcing it!

I know the best help I received was from a Food Bank my girlfriends set up: they dropped off meals for the boys and I for weeks when I was unable to do anything. It was wonderful - all I had to do was be prepared to take the offer of help.

Thinking of you

Nikki

rosehaven

I can't get to the GP on my own, I can't talk my first week after chemo, psych is not available until 4th May, can't get help for child until next cycle. I know "this too will pass". That doesn't help when I don't have anyone available in the area. All I want is someone to make me a cuppa tea and make sure I've taken my meds, which I am not capable of doing myself. Everything else gets done, as much as it hurts, because it has to be done.

melclarity

OMG Rose!!! I totally understand!! it is about what you need right now! Do you have any family members?? or a friend besides the one you are staying with? I felt similar to you, it was so incredibly hard!! the great thing I learned was I did have someone to ask...I just found it hard to ask. Do you have someone you could reach out to?? Im sorry Im not of much more help, honestly having been where you are I get it!! and just wish could help! Hugs Melinda xo