Why not join the Living with metastatic private group? Access group via the link here.

Back to being Terrified

Cate64
Cate64 Member Posts: 446
Here I am girls..... Oncologist appointment tomorrow, bloods drawn Tuesday. Tomorrow is D Day - TM Results Day - Have they increased further?? what is going on in my body??? & once again I have dropped into a heap of OMG OMG OMG how can this be happening to me again, isn't what I have already been thru enough?? I can feel the tears ready & building behind my eyes just waiting for something totally stupid to set them flowing...
«1

Comments

  • nikkid
    nikkid Member Posts: 1,766
    edited February 2017
    Hey Cate, big hugs.....totally understand how you are feeling. It is so hard when we feel out of control. But you can do this.

    Also, have you tried the Smiling Mind app? Might be good just to slow down a bit. It can all be so overwhelming! Nikki x
  • iserbrown
    iserbrown Member Posts: 5,541
    edited February 2017
    Hi Cate - we are all willing you along to good results!  I hope your feelings are purely nervous energy and the tears that fall will be with total relief or a really dumb joke that made you laugh til you cried!!  OMG!

    Take care xx
  • Michelle_R
    Michelle_R Member Posts: 901
    Thinking of you tomorrow, Cate, with lots of positive energy and a big hug.xx
  • Hopes_and_Dreams
    Hopes_and_Dreams Member Posts: 760
    You will be taking all our positive thoughts with you Cate.  You are not alone - we are all with you.  Jane xx
  • kayvie
    kayvie Member Posts: 157
    Hey Cate 
    Am thinking of you and wishing you all the best for tomorrow.
    Remember to breathe.....as someone else said smell the roses while inhaling and blow out the candles when exhaling....bug hug xx
  • SoldierCrab
    SoldierCrab Member Posts: 3,445
    Hi @Cate64 I thought I would say it is ok to have a cry, sometimes it helps us to relax a bit I found when I am awaiting results appointments if the tears where just there I would play some music I knew would set my tears off and  have a good cry then get up and go again 

    Hugs and energy to help you relax and deal with tomorrow, 
    Alice xoxo 

  • primek
    primek Member Posts: 5,392
    Will be thinking of you. 
  • melclarity
    melclarity Member Posts: 3,502
    Oh Cate, youve been on my mind this week leading into tomorrow!!! We are all here!!!! Sending a massive hug and vibes for a good result! Hang in there!!! Just remember strength and courage you already have youve gotten this far!! You are human and its ok to crumble!!! let it out...one step at a time and just remember no matter what you are STRONG regardless of the result. Keep going and let us know how you go!!! xoxo
  • Deanne
    Deanne Member Posts: 2,163
    Thinking of you. xxx
  • Klea
    Klea Member Posts: 84
    Cate
    I know how you are feeling I too are waiting D day. Its awful that this is our life now. I am four years in now yet still can not believe its me.  I don't have much wisdom to pass on just that I know the fear you have. One thing I have learned is try not to let cancer rule you. If we do it wins. Try to put good energy in your day doing other things to take focus away. Easier said than done I agree. Thinking of you  Kerri

  • Roo
    Roo Member Posts: 1
    Hi Cate.....I just read your post - I was diagnosed this time last year and just recently got my latest scan results....It is SUCH a stressful time waiting..... I can't believe that my life has come to these three monthly blocks of awaiting results...I hope all went well for you...
  • Cate64
    Cate64 Member Posts: 446
    @Roo isnt is stressful??? waiting waiting waiting thats all I seem to do lately.

    My tm's were up again & so a change of treatment was offered..... a hormone therapy trial at another hospital which would take weeks to set up & then ...... then I might not even qualify for it  OR Xeloda - a tablet form of Chemo that wont make my hair fall out... No guesses as to what I chose much, I think, to the Oncologists disappointment. There was also another hormone therapy I could have had..

    Then she decided to send me for baseline Bone & CT Scans although she didnt expect to see anything much changed since Januaries ones, had those yesterday & now again... I am, waiting waiting waiting till Friday week for those results.

    Its very freaky having a scan & watching it all come up on the screen. It was also a bit off putting when the bone scan people said you only had one in January its a bit too soon to have another one, there are risks in having too many. Seems your damned if you do & damned if you dont. Not having them & so potentially not finding a new cancer or having them & potentially creating a new cancer....
  • Share
    Share Member Posts: 217
    Oh @Cate64 - I totally get you. The waiting is just interminable sometimes - hours seem like days. 

    I have not been on the online forum for a few weeks except in the last few days - few issues that I will save for another post. 

    I too am on rising TM watch - will know more next week when I visit my oncologist.

    To scan or not to scan - that is the question  ;)
  • Cate64
    Cate64 Member Posts: 446
    edited March 2017
    @Share them darn pesky TM's.... who the heck do they think they are, partying in our bodies without permission??? I am really sorry you are on the watch, sending big hugs.

    I to, am seeing my Oncologist next week...... Meanwhile I am taking Xoladex to hopefully arrest the partying TM's..
  • Share
    Share Member Posts: 217

    Yes, @Cate64 - there is a party going on & we are not invited !!

    I am thinking that this will be the next recommendation from my oncologist.

    Can I confirm that Xoladex is different to Xeloda ?

    My dear Mum was taking Xeloda for only 4 months when she developed such dreadful hand/foot syndrome (could barely put weight on her feet to walk) and felt incredibly tired and ill (mind you, she was 77 at time time !). She did not continue with the treatment and sadly passed away 6 months later.

    This memory of course is the ongoing fear for me :(

    Energy, love & light to us both for next week xx