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HAVING ONE OF THOSE DAYS!!

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Cate64
Cate64 Member Posts: 446 ✭
edited February 2017 in Metastatic breast cancer
Having one of those........... will burst into tears at the slightest thing days.......

How do they just tell you your tm's are up compared to last test & then send you on your way saying we'll test again in a month??? How do they be so blase & let you just suffer & worry & not sleep for 4 weeks???

I feel so well......... I dont know how this can be happening to me, most of the time I cope well but today.... I feel feel like I can cope at all......

Sorry girls, I have no one else to vent to, I dont want to worry any of my family for a month.......
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  • Cosette
    Cosette Member Posts: 637 ✭
    edited February 2017
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    That's alright @Cate64, vent away. We're here for you.



    On days like this, it's useful to refer to your wellness toolbox. What kinds of things do you like to do that make you feel good? Do you like to escape in a good book or a funny movie?
  • Cate64
    Cate64 Member Posts: 446 ✭
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    @Cosette_BCNA usually I can snap myself out of it pretty quickly but today Im really struggling big time.... trying though..
  • iserbrown
    iserbrown Member Posts: 5,552 ✭
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    Cate - that is my world today!  Who the, what the, please all leave me alone!  Mine isn't just the BC it is the frustration of a lot of things that all add up to the same emotion!  I am my own worse enemy today and that is not good and so I share this bit of wisdom with you and I hope it puts things into perspective for both of us.  You take care xx 


  • Barbara_S
    Barbara_S Member Posts: 10 ✭
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    Hi Cate

    I'm having the same day...Results for my last scan due tomorrow and feeling sick to my stomach with worry, teary  and the rest of it...Wish it was over already and it was tomorrow night...

    Good Luck

    Barb
  • Share
    Share Member Posts: 217 ✭
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    Hi @Cate64, I bet every single one of us on this forum has days just like yours.  

    I posted something similar over the weekend about a lady who was concerned about her Mum's tumour markers increasing.

    Essentially I spoke about mine fluctuating to a high of around 900 last January to a "low" of mid 60's in May (following radiotherapy and start of adjuvant treatment exemestane & everolimus). This went up a little to 75 in August however I was pretty shocked when I went back in November and it had doubled to 140 !

    My oncologist assured me that she looks at it from an holistic viewpoint. How I look, how well I feel, pain under control in addition with all the other results from the bloods - everything else was "in the black" - good results.

    I see my oncologist next Monday and so I am now on the countdown and approaching the appointment with fear and trepidation.

    You have shared some of your amazing achievements with us when you feel like a warrior, feel so well and can conquer the world and then something like this comes along and completely sets you back. It knocks the wind out of your sails.

    We have all been here before and that's why we go on the forum to give a shout out and say "I'm not having a good day today". No need to apoligise for venting - you are not doing that - just sharing your fears as you don't want to worry your family.

    Big hugs to you xx

    Sheryl      

  • Cate64
    Cate64 Member Posts: 446 ✭
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    @Share  thank you :) . I felt my Oncologist was so off hand & uninterested when I was clearly upset/concerned about the latest results. I felt almost pushed out of door & when I think of questions there is no one to ask. My GP says ask your Oncologist & yet you cant ring them & if you try to bring your appointment forward you cant.

    Usually I am so on top of all this but just cant seem to climb out of the sludge at the moment.Trying though.. I used to see the Chemo like pacmen munching up the cancer cells as it went along my system now im seeing the cancer cells having a party in all my bones...


  • Zoffiel
    Zoffiel Member Posts: 3,372 ✭
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    You really don't connect with that oncologist do you? From my experience a number of people attracted to that profession are somewhere on the 'spectrum' and can be a little lacking in empathy. Good scientists, but less than stellar when it comes to dealing with people. I guess it comes down to whether you feel you can trust them. Presumably they wouldn't be sending you off like a ticking bomb if some other action was appropriate; its their reputation at stake as well and they seem to take THAT quite seriously.

    If you genuinely don't trust them they need to go. The whole business is stressful enough without not feeling you can rely on your health team. I've sacked oncologists for being rude and disinterested. It can be a pain in the arse if you live in the country--Ive just done a 260 km round trip today to see the people managing my current treatment. I consider that a better option than bitch slapping the self important look off the face of their predecessors. Up to you. 

    Variable tumour markers are not uncommon, which has made me wonder whether the test is worth the stress.

    Hope tomorrow is a better day, Cate. Marg
  • rowdy
    rowdy Member Posts: 1,165 ✭
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    Sending you a hug and vent away, we all get it xxx
  • socoda
    socoda Member Posts: 1,767 ✭
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    Hello lovely @Cate64, You know what, your fears and dread are also in attendance at your party. You who are so incredibly strong, phenomenal in your outlook and zest for life - be kind to yourself and gentle and have a big cry!! Have you also stopped to think that your feeling down may be a side effect of your recent anaesthetic? If you are worrying inordinately use the phone counselling. Service 1800 500 258 - it cannot hurt you to utilise this and certainly may help alleviate some of your fears. A month is too long to stress lovely. Big big hugs. Xx
  • RNSW
    RNSW Member Posts: 121 ✭
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    Hi @Cate64,
    We all try and be strong but it can be difficult when you have to wait. Somedays I myself have to take some time on my own and just be. It's so hard for people to really understand our difficulty. That is what is good about this here a place where others understand your tears and heart ache.
    I am thinking of you and please let us know how you go. Rita xo
  • Vix
    Vix Member Posts: 51 ✭
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    Totally understand. We all have days like that. Vent away. sending you angel blessings, love and hugs always
  • angg66
    angg66 Member Posts: 188 ✭
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    Hi @Cate64. I know how you feel. I had one of those days today too. I had been coping so well recently, yet a fight with my daughter seemed to start the tears today. I find it hard to tell hubby how I really feel since my bone mets diagnosis He is a wonderful & supportive man, but he just doesn't get what I am going through. So vent away lovely lady. We get it.... Virtual hugs to you. Ang xx
  • Brenda5
    Brenda5 Member Posts: 2,423 ✭
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    From what I have read the TM is not the be all and end all. Many other things are taken into consideration as well. Its not an exact science and all sorts of things can raise the levels, even a cold. Keep calm. I am sure they would be ready to bombard you with extra treatment should they feel its necessary. Think of it as a reprieve. Under observation but not on full on alert. Enjoy the time off. :)
  • Anniepan55
    Anniepan55 Member Posts: 19 ✭
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    Big hugs and I hope today will be better for you xx
  • Cate64
    Cate64 Member Posts: 446 ✭
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    Thanks Girls, I guess I feel marginally better..

    Are any of you having Xgeva injections???? & if so monthly or 6 weekly??/ I have been monthly & now without explanation (or explanation that I understood) she said Im making it 6 weekly...

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