how to stay positive

Molly001Molly001 Member Posts: 412
edited January 2017 in Newly diagnosed
Hi, I just found out 2 days ago I have breast cancer. I'm 39yo & have 2 kids who are 4 & 1yo. Haven't seen a breast specialist yet, so I have no idea how bad things are. I'm terrified for my kids & feeling very alone. I'm normally pretty tough, but today for the first time ever I couldn't bring myself to get out of bed for my kids. I knew they were confused & sad & wanting to see me but I just couldn't face them. How do people on here stay strong & positive? I just can't seem to stop my mind from wandering to the worst possible outcome.


  • AmazoniaAmazonia MelbourneMember Posts: 40
    Hi Molly,
    smell the back of their necks. 
    it's like a stabilising drug. 
    Sorry to meet you here.
    i can tell you're tough but it's important to just drop everything and cry in the shower for an hour too. 
    You will get through this with one step at a time and lots of support and wisdom from women on here.
    Take the time to sit, and breathe and think slowly and carefully and write down all the questions you have for when you see your specialist.
    This has a centreing effect and it will serve you well to get it all out on paper..
    good luck with you appointment and hugs from us all.
    Let us know how you go and lean on the wonderful, wise women on here. 
    A. xx

  • socodasocoda LeumeahMember Posts: 1,655
    Hi Molly001, Its perfectly normal at this point (and many others) to be scared stupid!!! It does get better. At this point The Unknown is  your ruler. Once you have seen your specialist and have a timeframe in place for surgery then you start the waiting game. That's hard too! But in the meantime, you can read up about surgeries, resources for helping with your kids (Telling your children). At the moment you're in shock - once you get through the shock then you'll get determined!!!! And then look out - you'll discover a fierce fighter within yourself that will amaze you. Let us know when your appointment with your specialist is, and there is no shame in being scared, fearful and needing to cry, talk, vent and scream. We get it and are here for you. You can and will do this. Xx Cath
  • Hopes_and_DreamsHopes_and_Dreams Gold CoastMember Posts: 750
    Hello Molly, I'm so sorry for your diagnosis but glad you have joined this site. You will find so much experience and support here.
    Everything you are feeling is completely normal - even though all our diagnosis and treatment are different, all the women on this site have experienced the disbelief of hearing they have cancer.  You are not alone.
    i know it seems impossible at the moment but you will feel a lot better once you see your surgeon and have an initial treatment plan. 
    There are so many wonderfully positive stories on this site too Molly.  We have to count our blessings that we live in a country with excellent research and great success rates in treating cancer.  
    We all share and learn from each other so please feel free to ask questions or just vent.  You will be amazed at your strength - we are all here for you Molly.  Jane xx

  • Michelle_RMichelle_R Gold Coast QldMember Posts: 888
    Hi Molly, Cath has said it all.   We are here for you.  It will get better when your treatment plan is in place and you feel as though you have some control.  Have you sent for your My Journey kit yet?  It really helps you to understand and to organise everything, as once the roller coaster starts, things get hectic.  The waiting is the worst.  Come online and chat - we have all been there and understand.  Big hug. xx Michelle
  • BeckywBeckyw Member Posts: 21
    Its the unknowing whats next is whats kicking your butt! Cry when you need to. Look up cancer survivor stories, its actually a very small percentage that lose out. 
    You caught it and are doing something to get rid of it. You got this babe and you'll kick its nasty ass one day at a time. Dont let it take over your life, keep doing the things you love when you feel up to it. Im half way through chemo and im working the days im up to it. Lean on your loved ones to help you out. You can do this! 
    I cried for days when i found mine i thought i was going to die soon- but when you get past that first insane weeks of endless appointments and theres a plan in order, it will get easier I promise. Xx
  • gurneysgurneys MelbourneMember Posts: 224
    edited January 2017

    Hi! So sorry to meet you here. What you are feeling is perfectly normal, believe me. 1 year ago this month I was diagnosed. My two girls were aged five and two at the time. And we had just moved into a new house! For me the first few weeks were a rollercoaster of thoughts and emotions, most of them centered around my kids. My initial thoughts were for them. I thought I wasn't going to be able to see them grow up - and I hadn't even done their baby albums yet! (still haven't...whoops...) I think that's a normal response. But once the news sinks in and you start to gather information and facts, start speaking to specialists and planning your treatment, that gives you something to focus on and you somehow find the strength within. Give yourself time. Time to process it all. Don't feel guilty for what you are feeling. And remember you have found a great community here. We will be here to support you as much as we can.

    I still have my good and bad days. I think we all do. But remember, you have caught it and now you can do something about it. Kick it in the butt. Don't be afraid to ask for help. If there was ever a time in your life to lean on people around you, it's now! You've got this.


  • Ann-MarieAnn-Marie Member Posts: 1,158
    edited January 2017
    Hi @Molly001 if you don't have the "My Journey Kit" yet you can find it here. This is a great resource to have and will help to answer a lot of your questions. We also have a young women's group you may like to join. You have come to a place where the online members and the BCNA team are here to support you every step of the way.
  • Brenda5Brenda5 Burrum Heads, QldMember Posts: 1,902
    Get on to the McGrath nurse in your area now. She will be tons of help navigating your way through something which if you are like me, knew nothing about.
  • AfraserAfraser MelbourneMember Posts: 1,462
    Having a  bc diagnosis is a bit like having a toothache (but worse) - your whole head revolves around the discomfort, you can't stop probing the tooth with your tongue, you know what it's like. And you know the only thing that works long term is to go to the dentist!  Which is your next step, as planned, so you are on your way. You sound like the sort of person who can deal with lots of stuff when you are informed, it's the not knowing that is such a worry. Once you know what's happening, what your surgeon is proposing, you can swing all your energy into treatment and getting better. So hard with little ones, but if you can follow the advice everyone here will give you - one step at a time - it really does help. Trying to pre-guess, plan too far ahead just sets up possible problems that may never happen. Stay away from Dr Google, and think how friends and family can help you short term. There are lots of people here (and I am sure elsewhere) who can and will help. You can do it.
  • Molly001Molly001 Member Posts: 412
    Thanks everyone. It's comforting to know I'm not alone with this diagnosis & what I'm feeling is 'normal'. I had my first consult today & things are moving quickly. Biopsies, scans & tests should hopefully give me a stage by the end of Monday. I know, at least, that I will have a full masectomy on the right, as I have multiple nodules. The rest of my treatment will depend on results. Feeling a little more hopeful that this is treatable & beatable.
  • iserbrowniserbrown Regional VictoriaMember Posts: 2,284
    Hi Molly!  I know it is a roller coaster however looks like you're in a better place already with the words treatable and beatable.  
    Take care xx
  • AfraserAfraser MelbourneMember Posts: 1,462

    Hi Molly

    That's a productive start.You'll find that treatments are variable, as are responses. Nobody wants a mastectomy, but mine wasn't painful and I had no problem with arm mobility - here's wishing you the same. After the surgery, you can start thinking about what's proposed next. Treatable and beatable is a pretty good mantra. Best wishes.

  • RNSWRNSW Central Coast NSW Member Posts: 121
    Hi Molly,
    Right now the shock is overwhelming you. I was diagnosed at 40 with 2 young boys and everytime I looked at them I would break down. It took me a few weeks and then I was in fighter mode angry and ready to do whatever I had to. We all have our bad days and we all have to be as positive as possible.
    It is good to come on here if you are concerned about something because the drs are good but women that have walked the path are good too.
    My mum who doesn't speak very good english and took my diagnosis really hard said to me " Walk with your head up and take each step with courage ". I say that to myself everytime I am struggling.
    I wish you the very best
    Rita xo
  • primekprimek Broken HillMember Posts: 4,123
    Welcome to the site. The other ladies have given you great advice and yes ...we all know those frightening nights waiting for appointments and waiting on results. Yes...treatable and beatable. My niece proud of her, and my inspiration to fight age 30 found an enlarged lymph node...following surgery she was found to have 2 tiny her2+ cancers with 10 positive nodes. 14 years on...she is cancer free. Yes the treatment was tough, but worth it...and her babies are quite grown up now. Take care. Kath x
  • Pammy46Pammy46 Central coast Member Posts: 149
    Hi Molly,
    i know it's hard I have 2 grown up sons 25 & 20 I remarried and have a beautiful 8 year old daughter she is my strength everyday.. my boys and I are very close I have a gorgeous grandson with one on the way I know you feel helpless in the beginning but you WILL find a strength you never knew you had..
    we are all here for you xx
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