Quiet, Please: Spiritual Reflection and Surviving Breast Cancer

SoldierCrabSoldierCrab Bathurst NSW Member Posts: 1,082
edited November 15 in Social Groups
https://breastcancer-news.com/blog/2016/09/12/spiritual-reflection-and-surviving-breast-cancer

Hi ladies, 
Cosette sent me this lovely post she has found that is uplifting for those of us with a faith. I have put the link above as you may want to read more than this blog.

A Lump in the Road column

It’s that time of year.

I fly to San Francisco, make my way to the hospital from the airport, and step into the meditation room for a moment of reflection before checking in.

It’s a small room on the first floor. After the angst of leaving my family, the craziness of parking, and the grit of the city, this room is a soft landing.

I heave open its thick, church-like door and take in the shift. Noise gives way to quiet. My eyes adjust to diffused lighting, and the only sound I hear is a soft trickle of water. Smooth round rocks remind me of the sturdiness of the earth, the miracle of nature, and I take a seat. I see that a few of the stones have been formed into the shape of an impromptu cross on the floor, others piled in Zen-like patterns on a shelf.

I bow my head, breath deeply, seek the presence of God.

Nothing.

I focus on my breathing, inhale through my nose. Slowly exhale through my mouth. Count to ten.

Nope.

I could be in the sale aisle at Walmart. I feel no sacred presence, no sense of connection. Sometimes it happens this way, so I wait.

But waiting for God in meditation is like waiting for a treat to heat up in a microwave. The seconds tick by slowly.

I glance at my cellphone, then flip it into my bag. I jiggle the keys of my rental car, then put them away. Who am I kidding? I can’t meditate. I’m an impostor.

I try one more time, do the deep breathing thing again.

It’s no use.

I get up, wander to the entryway and see prayers other people have written and take them to my seat.

One by one I read through them, their heartfelt communions with God.

I take out my pen and start scribbling.

Writing by hand, the loopy letters like art across a page, connecting the heart to the mind to the hand to the paper to the universe, is a prayer in itself.

I ask for peace. I ask for understanding. I ask God to help me be aware of His constant presence and to do the same for my beautiful young daughter and my husband. I ask Him to be with all the daughters who have lost their mothers, to help me cope somehow if I learn today that Lauren will have to forge her way through the world without me.

And then my tears come, as they need to.

Sometimes, tears are little wisps of water, like dew on grass after a cool evening meets sunrise.

These tears feel like pudding, like a concentration of toxins balled up in thick salty masses gushing out of my body, dropping heavily onto my shiny oak chair, leaving a pattern of spray on my grey T-shirt.

I let them fall.

I leave them there in that room, where so many other tears have been shed, where anxiety, hope, fear, forgiveness, love and hate have converged in big moments while people and their loved ones go to learn their fates in the adjoining space.

My meditation over, I carefully place the stack of prayers back in the entryway, mine now among them.

Then, with the light of God surrounding me, at peace again in faith, I make my way upstairs to the exam room where I’ll learn more about whatever is likely to happen next. As a triple negative breast cancer survivor, this is my reality for the next five years.

I’m alive. And, God willing, I’ll be here again, ready to take it on in six short months.

Note: Breast Cancer News Today is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Breast Cancer News Today or its parent company, BioNews Services, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to breast cancer. 

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Comments

  • iserbrowniserbrown Member Posts: 1,653
    What a great piece!
  • SoldierCrabSoldierCrab Bathurst NSW Member Posts: 1,082
    it sure is @iserbrown
     
    Can I ask you something iserbrown?     what is the meaning of your name on here .... every time I read it I think of my ISA Brown chickens in the backyard here :smile:
     hope that doesn't offend you ? 
    Alice 

  • iserbrowniserbrown Member Posts: 1,653
    Sure is! I put up a photo of them recently.  When I first joined the network I didn't know anyone or anything about it so I chose a name that makes me smile. BTW that written piece is great! 

  • SoldierCrabSoldierCrab Bathurst NSW Member Posts: 1,082
    we have 3 Isa Browns and getting 2 new chickens tomorrow only about 6wks old cross breds they keep the snails etc down in my gardens, eat all our food wastes and they give us eggs 
    it makes me smile when I read your name on here.
    it is a beautiful piece that is why I shared it.... :D 
  • Ann-Marie_BCNAAnn-Marie_BCNA Administrator Posts: 1,157
    @Soldier Crab and @iserbrown it makes me smile too <3
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