Chemo over - where's the party feeling??

Kari_2015Kari_2015 Townsville, QueenslandMember Posts: 85
edited September 2016 in Metastatic breast cancer

Morning All

Just putting my feelings/observations into words to people that will understand.  I had my last chemo last week.....everyone around me wanted to celebrate, have a party etc - "well now it's over".  I was surprised that while I felt relief that part is done, there is still so much more ahead and probably feel less positive now then before the chemo started.  Not that I am feeling down and depressed.......just the realisation of "does/will this ever end"?  

- Herception infusions every 3 weeks - my job is on a remote mine site so I have been on sick leave since August.  How do I now fit this into a week on/week off roster when I return to work?  I figured it would be easy so didn't worry about it until now, but the oncologist is only in the clinic on Monday's where I live.

- Re-scans - scary in itself.  What if the results show my spot in the vertebrae has grown rather than shrunk!!

- Radiation - starts in January, another 6 weeks of feeling "off", another 6-8 weeks of not working. Then I get to look forward to more radiation later on next year depending on how scans look after the Herceptin has had some time to do it's thing.

- Returning to work - they have been great but where will I fit in when I return?  Mine sites change so quickly I am going to have the "newbie" feeling after all this time off.  Will I manage the early mornings and long days?  Will I be able to pull my weight, or has all this taken too much out of me????

And the biggest question - do you ever feel like it is over if you have secondary, even if it is only one little spot??

On a positive note - I am off to Melbourne for a short holiday (I'm from Townsville, Nth Qld) tomorrow.  I had to use a travel voucher for a family holiday to Bali that was booked pre BC diagnosis.  Just wish the insurance company could have pulled their fingers out and sorted out my claim and started paying me my wages before I left!!

Best wishes to you all

Kari

Comments

  • Pink66Pink66 Dragonfly Posts: 367
    edited December 2015

    I wish I could wave a magic turtle wand right now and make it all just bugger off!!!

    I wish I could tell you how it will be in the future for you.. But it is no roadmap for this one.

    Treatment unfortunately keeps it in our faces all to easily :( and all those what if questions will only be answered in time.. 

    The aim is to live your life and have an awesome time and deal with the tests treatments as they arrive at your door. (it is pre test that is the trickiest time - argh... the 'what if syndrome' - lurking little critter it is) I am hoping that for a very VERY long time that your tests continue to show only that one tiny little spot and stable is a word you associate with easily.

    Do we ever become used to it..  I think we actually do - sort of yes/no. Can it move to the back of our minds? yes indeed. Can it race back to be front and center? unfortunately yes..  (and it is OK when you have a crap day and hate the world - it is a very normal and pretty necessary part of working through this diagnosis)

    The balance of how each of us do this.. I swear it needs a Masters Degree sometimes and other days it is easy as LOL.

    I suppose the main thing is that going through all of this there is now officially a 'new normal' and it is ok.  Be kind to you and take it from there.

    enough turtle rambling from me!!!! 

    I hope your Melbourne adventure is awesome..  and ummm pack a dress, jumper, shorts, jeans and coat..  we are truly living up to our reputation down here right now..

    Cheers, Sharon xoxoxox

     

  • iserbrowniserbrown Member Posts: 1,643
    edited December 2015

    Hi Kari

    Goodness it is such a roller coaster isn't it.  From your posts you are well and truly on the road to the all important All Clear!

    Just remember to take time occasionally to reflect on where you've been, where you're heading and bring a funny memory out that will make you giggle and hopefully it will help put it all into the new normal that we all have to come to grips with!

    Enjoy Melbourne, yes it is renowned for it's 4 seasons in one day and lately that is where we are at! 

    Take care and safe travelling

    Christine xx

  • Kim RKim R Narrabri / Salamander BayMember Posts: 146
    edited December 2015

    Hi Kari,

    you have had a rough journey! I would not worry about radiation too much I am in my third week with no side effects. Rad is a piece of cake after chemo.

    good luck I wish you all the best, I know it is a cliche  but it is truly one day at a time.

    Kim

  • HITHIT Perth WAMember Posts: 230
    edited December 2015

    Hi Kari  Know the feeling well, unfortunately it may return as treatment progresses, and after treatment.  Accept it, vent on this site, and keep going foward.  Suppose ya gotta have the downs, so you can recognise and enjoy the ups.  The feeling will pass.  

    Pam

     

  • Kari_2015Kari_2015 Townsville, QueenslandMember Posts: 85
    edited December 2015

    Thanks ladies, yep one day at a time and vent on this site!!  It won't beat me and the bad/dark times are going to be less and less, of that I am determined.

     

  • maryroset1maryroset1 Member Posts: 240
    edited December 2015

    Hey Kari 

    All the ladies have given you great advice here.

    You need to focus on your achievements so far. You should feel very proud to have chemo done and dusted. The radio time will fly by. Ever

     

    Enjoy life and think of all the positives in your life. We have way to much living to do to focus on the negatives and what ifs. 

    Take good care of you and know i am sending heaps of positiveness your way.?? 

    Maryrose 

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